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Over It

Old 09-30-2011, 09:24 AM
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Over It

Well you all know this story so it hardly seems worth telling. Been drinking every day for twenty years now, though I was sober for nearly two years after I turned 30. Now approaching 40. The drinking definitely seems to have gotten worse in the last few years, in part because I've moved on to hard liquor (which I never really drank before). But you just can't get a good enough buzz on beer alone, now can you?

The last few months have been the worst. Messing up my relationship with my wonderful wife, saying cruel things when I'm drunk, pushing her away. I feel like I've isolated myself (and for the last month or so have worked hard to reverse this).

So after a weekend of drinking I figured -- c'mon, man, do three days a week sober, you can do it. You don't have to quit. Just three days, you can still party the other 4.

Well, it's three days later and I was drunk for two of them, including last night, and the one day I wasn't drunk it really had more to do with being just plain tired rather than strength of character or commitment. And still had a few beers then, too.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared to be sober again but just sick and tired of drinking. Until 5 o'clock rolls around, of course.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I need support but don't want to go to AA (too small a town), and though I say I need support there's also a big part of me that is bucking hard at the idea of "rules", much less sobriety.

Frustrated. Deeply so.
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:43 AM
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For me to quit....I had to want sobriety more than I wanted to drink.
I hope you soon reach that point of desperation...

welcome to our recovery community...

Many of our members are winnning over alcohol useing all sorts of different methods ,,,some like me do use AA....others do not.

You might want to check with your doctor about how best to de tox.
if you want to be sober. That is always a good idea..
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by CarolD View Post
For me to quit....I had to want sobriety more than I wanted to drink.
I hope you soon reach that point of desperation...
Thanks CarolD. It sure would be nice if we could reach that point out of a desire to be healthy, to be a better person, to improve our relationships, to be happier... but desperation will probably do the trick as well.
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Old 09-30-2011, 10:33 AM
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Hi Deserto! I did it too - graduated from beer to 100-proof vodka. Even that didn't do the job in the end. I was drinking all day & never feeling anything but numb. No more happy highs - just misery.

I had to admit I had no control once I picked up that first drink. It took me many years to come to that conclusion. I insisted it was only a matter of willpower. I realized I could never predict what would happen when I drank. It was so hard - but I finally admitted I had to stop completely - no more dancing with the devil.

I'm glad you've realized what needs to be done. You can have a whole new life without your crutch. Keep talking to us, and congratulations on your decision.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:50 PM
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Hi Deserto

yeah it's scary to be sober - but it's scary to be 'that guy' too...and it's scary to put all you love and hold dear in your life on the line.

Getting sober is a leap of faith - but it's one I've never regretted

Support really helped me - it doesn't have to be AA - there are other options out there too:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

There's us too of course - I know you'll find a lot of support and ideas here as well.
Welcome

D
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Old 09-30-2011, 03:10 PM
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It's very scary, but you can do it.

It's always a good idea to talk to your dr and of course, we are here to offer lots of support.
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Old 09-30-2011, 04:10 PM
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Scared to be sober I am a good few weeks sober now on this journey after many half hearted attempts, think many times before I have had this same thing and other things such as "Being bored" I find now that just doing nothing and being bored staring at the ceiling is far better than drinking, because this state does come and go intermittently and the longer you go the easier it becomes
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Old 09-30-2011, 06:53 PM
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Welcome Deserto -

You've taken a first step just by coming here and admitting your problem. I think most of us have a huge fear of getting sober at first. I put it off for years and kept making attempts to cut back/limit my drinking, anything to justify not stopping all together.

I finally had to face the fact that the only way I was ever going to get free is to not pick up a drink in the first place. What I was so afraid of turned out to be the best thing I've ever done. Life is so much better today.

The thing is, we can't do this alone (or we would have already done so). I'm glad you're here - if we can do it, so can you!
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:13 PM
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Welcome, stick around SR, this place can help you.
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Old 10-01-2011, 12:26 PM
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Thanks everybody for your support. It means a lot to me and it does feel good (if humbling, though humbleness can be good, too) to be able to admit I need that support. You can't do this all in your head, alone.

I can't really understand why I'm "scared" to be sober since the two years that I was sober before were great and extremely productive. But I think I ultimately went back to drinking because sobriety was the act of "not" doing something rather than doing something. So this time around I'm trying to build a framework that supports sobriety and replaces drinking... not just by exercising, for example, but by learning to value exercise and health and well-being as a goal in life -- as a purpose that gives life meaning, not just "something you should do." I'm not sure if that makes sense, or if I've fully articulated the difference -- but it seems to me the difference is critical.

I also think this desire for sobriety -- or at least "less drunken partying" -- is tied up with turning 40, and with our natural propensity to turn around and look at our lives at such major milestones and to assess where we're going and we're we've been. And even though I've been a heavy drinker, I have to say that I feel like I've accomplished everything I wanted to achieve when I was 20, and then some... but now I look to the future and I think, what do I want to do for the rest of my life? And in many ways I feel like I have no clue, other than I know I don't want to be drunk every evening for the next 20 years. (And for all I've managed to accomplish, I wonder how much more I could have achieved if I had been sober or just a normal drinker?)

Anyhow, sorry to ramble. It's not a mid-life crisis, or even a crisis at all, but tied up in this desire to not be a drunk, I realize, is a deep longing for meaning and purpose, and a need to figure out what I want to do and achieve in the coming years. And I wonder if anyone else felt their quest for sobriety was tied up in similar questions of purpose as well.
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Old 10-01-2011, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Deserto View Post
But I think I ultimately went back to drinking because sobriety was the act of "not" doing something rather than doing something. So this time around I'm trying to build a framework that supports sobriety and replaces drinking...
WOW! That sounds like someone who has a lot of wisdom or a great sponsor.

Seeing as how you already know what "not to do", that should, in theory, give you a head-start to a spiritual based recovery program. Here is a brief explanation of how a spiritual based program works;

There is some higher power in the universe that supports us when we practice certain fundamental principles of proper living. Call it Steps, Tao or Darmha. Giving the universe what it wants, triggers it to reciprocate with spiritual prosperity. This Spiritual prosperity does not always take the form of health, wealth or social efficacy. It more typically shows up in the form of new insight, joy or emotional equanimity.

That with resists - persists. That which conforms - reforms.

re·form [noun]
   
1. the improvement or amendment of what is wrong, corrupt, unsatisfactory, etc.: social reform; spelling reform.
2. an instance of this.
3. the amendment of conduct, belief, etc.
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Old 10-01-2011, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
WOW! That sounds like someone who has a lot of wisdom or a great sponsor.
Well it was said by my counselor when I quipped that "sobriety didn't take" last time around. But it really resonated with me. It does seem wise, and I think gets to that scared feeling we have that our lives will be "empty" if we stop drinking, when in fact I know the opposite can be true.

Originally Posted by Boleo View Post
This Spiritual prosperity does not always take the form of health, wealth or social efficacy. It more typically shows up in the form of new insight, joy or emotional equanimity.

That with resists - persists. That which conforms - reforms.

re·form [noun]
   
1. the improvement or amendment of what is wrong, corrupt, unsatisfactory, etc.: social reform; spelling reform.
2. an instance of this.
3. the amendment of conduct, belief, etc.
Good stuff. Thanks Boleo!
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