harleysueE

I am a 45 yr old gal, married for 9 years to a chronically ill but great guy (most of the time) with a 21 yr old daughter and 29 yr old stepson. I am what you would call a situational drinker. I can go several months or years without a drink, but have something set me off and WHAM. I pick up that bottle and try to escape that situation. I have also come to realize that I am co-dependent and have anxiety issues, so combine all that with not working a program and you have one messed up chick.

I realized that I needed to make a change because I have been stuffing alot of anger, resentment and issues that I haven't been able to come to terms with. One is my husband's illnesses - we've had one rough year with him being very ill on and off and in the ICU. I know its not his fault that he's got his illnesses (although some were brought on by not taking care of himself), but I feel like I'm missing out on so much of life and the things I want to do because of his illnesses sometimes. I don't have many close friends to confide in and most of my friends don't think I have a problem with alcohol because 95% of the time I'm not drinking. But its that 5% that is killing me slowly. And I'm tired of feeling angry, resentful and trapped.

I have joined a women's AA group and attending meetings. I live in a very small town so there isn't much to have for meetings, but I'm hanging on to this women's group like no other. I have been sober for 10 days now and am starting to work the steps. I am also planning to go back to my faith, because somehow in all the craziness of our life, I have gotten away from church and I realized just how much I missed it when I attended a funeral last week. I am also headed to my doc's office this morning to get a handle on my anxiety - I have been putting off taking some meds for this issue but I realize that I just can't handle it alone anymore and this was at the recommendation of my therapist.

So I'm here to share my stories, gain some insight into the wisdom of your serenity, peace and gratitude and most of all STAY SOBER.

Ananda

sounds like you are headed in the right direction...

Just something on the ill husband....one thing I think the "big book" got wrong was the idea that we don't get mad at sick people....we do. We may not be allowed to socially acceptably say so, but everyone I know if I get them to really talk do have anger at others illnesses that affect their life...take the judgement out..it's normal.

As for not drinking real often...well, I drank about 5% of the last 4 years..but the damage from that was unreal...it isn't how often you drink that defines the problem...it's more about how you drink when you drink and the damage you cause (which we are often in denial about, and so are those around us sometimes).

As for medication...sometimes I believe they are necessary..been sober and crazy due to depression that predated my alchoholism issues and at times in sobriety needed anxiety meds. We have to be careful, but medication is sometimes required. We are alchoholics, but sometimes we are other things as well...

You can sort this out

Tiggy

Im very new to this journey but good luck

artsoul

Welcome harleysue!

I think you'll really enjoy being here. There are a lot of different "sections" (sub-forums?) in addition to alcoholism and substance abuse. There's a section for family/friends and also for mental/emotional issues. So look around and make yourself at home!

I used alcohol for lots of reasons but mainly, I think, as a reward for getting through life. Yikes - that sounds horrid now that I type it! Eventually, of course, it was creating a huge problem on top of all the others I had.

Congratulations for wanting to change....... You can do it!:day6

Dee74

Welcome to SR harleysueE

I'm sorry for your situation - I know it's very hard and very stressful and lonely sometimes caring for a loved one who is ill - but it sounds like you have some great plans there to reconnect more with folks and turn things around with your drinking

You'll find a lot of support here too

D

harleysueE

I didn't mean to say that because I didn't drink often that it wasn't an issue or that I'm not an alcoholic. I truly believe I am because of the way I use it. I am not sure that makes a difference in whether recovery will be easy or not, but I have been down this road before and was sober for many years before not working a program led me down the wrong path and eventually here.

I am glad to be here and I will definitely check out some of the other boards. I got my anti anxiety med today and will be starting that, so it will be interesting to see what effect (good or bad) that has on my recovery. I am hoping that it really helps even though I know I have a good deal of work to do on myself too.

Thank you all for sharing.

least

I was drinking to medicate anxiety and depression, but drinking only made it worse. Now that I'm sober my meds work as they should and the anxiety and depression are more manageable. I hope you feel better soon.

Welcome!