garfiild

My AW has been in rehab for 6 days, detox until yesterday, mostly alcohol, most recent binge was 8 days. She went in willingly, 2 days after I made it clear that I intended to end our 11-year relationship. I'm not sure if that really counts as going "willingly." Also they took her off ambien (11 years use for medically-caused insomnia, but not abuse) and gave her trazodone instead for sleep. They are letting her have her ADD meds, and vitamins. She is dual (3x?) diagnosis, anxiety and depression as well as A.

She's an emotional wreck in rehab! Every time I talk to her on the phone she stresses me out - and I was just starting to relax without here here. Two or three nights ago she had a total rage episode. She spent 3 hours non-stop crying with the therapist yesterday, who had to cancel other appointments. Last night she seemed mellow but I think she was just emotionally drained. This morning she told me she was "too anxious" to make a phone call she was planning to make. This afternoon they made her go bowling with the unit, and when I talked to her afterward she full of hostility - hated everyone and went on about how other residents think they're better than everyone, etc., etc.

She's easily made 3-5 weeks of sobriety on her own at home, and I cant recall ever seeing her moods this extreme sober.

Is this normal? Others seen this? I'm not too nervous about her leaving - if she walks out then so be it - but it is very confusing. I know she is starting PMS now, and always struggles at this time, but her moods just seem very, very extreme. How does a (sober) 41 year old woman cuss out another resident at top volume and call her a CU*T directly in front of the nurses' station?

In the back of my head I have always wondered if she has and always did have a serious mental or mood disorder (Bipolar? BPD?) that has not been diagonosed to date. In a way I'm glad she is pulling all this crap in a place where they can see the volatile emotional behavior - maybe the doctors will figure out something through this constant observation, rather than 1 or 2x week appointments. Or is this just part of rehab for some people? She's just such an emotional basket case - her regular emotional self on serious overdrive.

Anyway, as for me, listening to it stessing me out a lot and I feel like I should start avoiding some of her calls just so I don't take on her toxic emotional back-flow - but this codie can't do it (yet). I guess that's a different thread - I'm really just looking to see how typical (or atypical) this behavior is. Who can weigh in?

Freedom1990

Six days into rehab I was batsh*t crazy. Couldn't identify what I was feeling other than mad as hell and trying to adjust to no drugs/alcohol.

grateful101010

I'm sorry to hear about your and her difficulty. What a terrible disease she has, whatever it is.

garfiild

Yeah, that sounds about right. How long did it take you to calm the heck down and even out a little? I'm wondering if she may get herself thrown out (and a piece of me wonders if that's her plan).

Freedom1990

I started simmering down about week 3 of rehab.

Tuffgirl

When I first saw this thread title - I thought...everything. or nothing. or a combo of both. Try expecting nothing, then nothing surprises you! ; )

garfiild

Yeah - that's about what I was thinking - but she just seems to be cycling through such extreme emotions - she makes everyone else in the place look downright tranquil. Her whirlwind intensity and range of emotion just seems to be somewhat unmatched. I guess I'm glad being there is having some sort of effect on her but if it were me I would be exhausted after a few hours - frankly I'm exhausted NOW from her volatility and emotional energy / chaos.

It almost seems like she needs the constant drama and chaos so much that she's brought it into rehab with her - after all the chaos here at home over the past few months (or few years) you think she would want A BREAK.

going to a meeting tomorrow - INSTEAD of going back to visit - and I'm VERY ready.

Tuffgirl

Have you thought that maybe she has been medicating her true personality? Doesn't mean she won't "simmer down", as Freedom said above. But there may be personality characteristics that are long standing and will be hard to break - doable over time - but very hard to change.

I may be projecting here, but after almost a year sober and supposedly working his AA program, I see some characteristics in the husband - like anger, outward blame (people, places & things are the root of his problems, not himself), and really warped paranoia - that just haven't gone away. I have to wonder now if these were part of what he has been medicating all along.

Just my 2 cent thought of the day!

garfiild

TG - I saw your thread so I understand where you're coming from on this. The answer is, I don't know and I'm nervous. She had about 6 months of sobriety about 6 or 7 years ago, after her first panic attack. I don't remember her having such obnoxious moods and mood swings back then - but on the other hand she's never been one to have a very good grip on her emotions.

Time will tell I guess - and good luck to you with your situation -

Tuffgirl

There's a saying here and in Al-Anon..."more to be revealed".

And for you...patience is key. LOTS of it. Hang in there.

trapeze

A year from now she likely won't remember any of this with clarity. What you do or don't do isn't likely to have any impact. Take care of yourself. I know this is easy to say, hard to do.

stilllearning

It took me a good few months when I stopped drinking to be physically (not emotionally, just physically) back on an even keel. I'd been daily drinking for years and by the end I knew I had a problem when I would wake up on my couch at 3am and not remember passing out from that last glass of wine.

When I got sober, physically I went through extreme fatigue, sleeplessness, and just generally feeling out of it for a few months.

My moods were all over the place - in early sobriety I could be angry, hopeful and sad in the space of five minutes. I was focused on keeping away from the first drink and getting enough rest - and starting to get my nutrition back on track in the early months. Probably around the three month mark when I was really feeling physically better was the point where emotionally I took the biggest wallop - with a clear head 24/7, 7 days a week, you get the first chance to really look at your life and it's rough stuff. It was for me at least. I remember times of deep, deep despair. I think by 12 months I was on a reasonably even keel and firing on all cylinders.

If you can get your hands on it I would read Beyond the Influence - it gives great perspective on the physical effects of alcohol and the physical effects of withdrawal. Alcohol depresses the central nervous system and when you detox all those nerves are pretty much standing on end waiting for that first drink. That's why it's so hard to stop and why early sobriety is such a fragile time.

Again, I wasn't someone you would typically call out as being a late stage alcoholic - just a garden variety middle of the road alcoholic-alcoholic.

It takes time to get to the point where you're ready to recover - and then time to recover. This is horribly hard for loved ones and confusing as hell when things are still hard weeks or even months into sobriety.

Just my story - take what you like and leave the rest.

SL.