ventura47

This is day four of being sober after a constant year of drinking. I think one reason I drink is the old adage "liquid courage" I have never been able to stand up for myself, even as a child I was pushed around by another girl that was even smaller than I. For me drinking did help. But sometimes I would take it overboard and be a downright "B" . Thats just one part of my drinking. But now I have one in paticular thing I have to do tomorrow. I recenlty was let go after a few weeks working as a catering cook. I was told it was because they had no hours for me and were sorry, they would keep me in mind. The head chef, a bit of a wack job herself" told me that I just did not have the skills. Deep inside I fear it might be the couple times I drank on the job and they may have smelled the alcohol, but no one ever said anything to me, I know it was wrong, I drank because I was nervous about the job, habit, thought I could get away with it, made be a better worker, I dont know. I talked the owner into giving me a chance to show them what I could do, she agreed and on the day I was to show up she texted me not to come in. Said they had some venue come up. I was ok with that, I called and emailed her for the last two weeks with no reply. One reason is because they have my Steel, very expensive, I left there. My shame and fear of being confronted by them has kept me from getting it. But when I got sober I knew I had to. I finally got them to respond and tomorrow I have to go there and pick it up. But you know, this sight has helped me not to be as ashamed.

Wish me luck, first step of many

PS I POSTED THIS EARLIER BUT IT WENT OFF THE GRID MANY HOURS AGO, I STILL NEED A LITTLE MORE FEED BACK THANKS

Ghostly

I hate conflict, but sometimes it is necessary. I can relate to a lot of your post.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Go there. Get your stuff. Be polite. Good luck.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Ventura.

I know sometimes in social settings I viewed alcohol as liquid courage....but honestly, in the long-run drinking only caused anxiety. I mean, the source of your worry is that they knew you were drinking. But that's behind you. You're not going to show up there drunk—you're going to show up sober. You're in recovery. You don't need to explain that to anyone, but just knowing it should give you plenty of reason to hold your head high. You're on a new path now, and moving in the right direction.

Opivotal

Hi Ventura....I know its difficult but Ghostly is right. You have to pick up your Steel. They haven't confronted you with anything. I think you'll be fine. Let us know how you make out.



Best Wishes To You!

ChaoticSunshine

It is what it is, the past is the past. You have to go retrieve your things, so do so and move on.

I drank on my last job, and I'm so embarrassed to even consider that other people I worked with would suspect, so I've pretty much blocked out that entire period of time in my brain. However, I moved, so I don't ever have to see any of those people again. I understand your being paranoid, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

If anyone says anything to you about drinking on the job, just say that you were in a rough patch, but that now you're working on bettering yourself. Thank them for the opportunity, get your things, and leave. What's done is done, and you don't really owe anyone an in depth explanation, nor should they ask you questions about any habits you may have if you're not working there anymore (or for the time being).

Once you pass this hurdle you'll feel so much better!

Dee74

I'm not good with conflict either but I find the fear of the situation is usually much worse than the situation itself.

We'll all be behind you, Ventura

D

DayTrader

Fear of confrontation.....hell, fear in GENERAL has all but kicked the you-know-what out of me.......repeatedly......even into sobriety - and I mean years of sobriety.

Even in the AA program they're really clear - alcohol is A problem, but it's not the source problem - not for someone who suffers from alcoholism anyway. The drinking is really just an outward manifestation of much bigger and deeper issues. That's the stuff "recovery" is really all about - treating the real issue(s).

I totally get where you're coming from on being afraid/ashamed to go back and I REALLY commend you for doing it in spite of that fear. It's good practice......cuz we're gonna just have to do stuff we're downright scared $hitless to do.

"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" is a book that was recommended to me by someone I REALLY respect in recovery. It's next on my list to get (available on Amazon if you're interested).