I managed to hit days sober, and then got drunk :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
I managed to hit days sober, and then got drunk :(
Well, the title says it all... yep... hit 30 days sober and then hit the box of wine. I dont know why i did it and I am not gonna sit here and make excuses. I am so down on myself, because I drank around my kids and I was mean to them. I have been very angry with life lately, and not because of not drinking. I have just really hated my husband lately.I hate being unhappy and I really hate being wrong! I am very well aware of what I did this weekend. I know it was wrong and it made me very very very unhappy. But at that moment, I just didnt want to think anymore. I wanted it all to go away. well, its still here and probably worse by 10 fold. I just am looking for some advice on how to deal with the battle in my head. I am not a bad person, but I am feeling miserable with my poor choice..... I am my own worst enemy..... when will i feel better? I went to a meeting this morning, and promptly admitted that i relpased. And yes, i do have a sponsor, and actually was texting her while I was drinking.... she is aware of it... and I am ticked off that I didnt get my coin..... guess today is that START of the end of my life, and I have to stop kicking myself while i am down. Its not the end of the world right?? uggh!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4
30 Days Sober......
It takes what ever it takes to get sober and stay sober. You did good by going to a meeting & talking with your Spomsor. Life doesn't seem fair at times but the most important thing in your life right now is YOU.
My story is very simular to yours & I slipped after one year & didn't get back in the program until 14 years had passed. I worked the program and went to meetings & more meetings & have been sober 23 years now.
It can be done! I wanted sobriety more than any one thing in my life. It was easy to quit but took hard work on my part to stay sober.
You ARE on the right track & just keep going for Sobriety.
Helen
My story is very simular to yours & I slipped after one year & didn't get back in the program until 14 years had passed. I worked the program and went to meetings & more meetings & have been sober 23 years now.
It can be done! I wanted sobriety more than any one thing in my life. It was easy to quit but took hard work on my part to stay sober.
You ARE on the right track & just keep going for Sobriety.
Helen
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Im sorry to hear about your relapse. I am dealing with my own as well. You sound like me though... I too am my own worst enemy! But we must not beat ourselves up anymore than we already have. I went a year being sober then relapsed. Went another year being sober, then relapsed. It seems to be a vicious cylce that I am battling myself.
Here is to one day at a time my friend!
Here is to one day at a time my friend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
one of the guys in my home group said that when he was in treatment they told him to expect relapses.... which he has had 10 of them. also said that he hid his relapses and could never walk in to a meeting and admit to it. he gave me big props.. which is something i need today. together we can all acheieve what we need, i know this. thats why i love this website... we all have a common ground.... we can help each other, no matter what time of day it is
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
That's too bad after a month you broke. The relapse started before you drank...if you can discover the circumstances surrounding the time leading up to the drinking you may be able to avoid that trigger next time.
I know sometimes life is overwhelming with kids, relationships and the usual day to day occurances but we have to learn how to cope -and unfortuantely, there is no class on coping. That is one reason I drank for so long -it was just easier to cope with life.
I think that if you expect a relapse then its inevitable. It is bound to happen. The seed was already planted.
Glad to hear you have a sponsor, though. Hopefully, she is helpful?!
I know sometimes life is overwhelming with kids, relationships and the usual day to day occurances but we have to learn how to cope -and unfortuantely, there is no class on coping. That is one reason I drank for so long -it was just easier to cope with life.
I think that if you expect a relapse then its inevitable. It is bound to happen. The seed was already planted.
Glad to hear you have a sponsor, though. Hopefully, she is helpful?!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
My suggestion would be to recognize that you have problems with your husband/your life and look at those issues and try to find a healthy way to deal with them. Even if all you can do is go out for a walk to get away from things, it's better than drinking. I found that music helped me a lot.
My suggestion would be to recognize that you have problems with your husband/your life and look at those issues and try to find a healthy way to deal with them. Even if all you can do is go out for a walk to get away from things, it's better than drinking. I found that music helped me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi and congrats on making a clean start...you can do this!
My suggestion is similar to Anna's. Do some work in the areas in your life that are causing problems. Don't be afraid to ask for help. My therapist has been invaluable in my turning my life around
My suggestion is similar to Anna's. Do some work in the areas in your life that are causing problems. Don't be afraid to ask for help. My therapist has been invaluable in my turning my life around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Thanks for the support. I stayed sober today!!! got rid of the remaining alcohol in the house and realize just how powerless I am.... funny thing is, all of the tension between the dh and i is gone... i broke down this morning and told him how i really felt about this relapse, about how stupid it was and how i really feel about everything. he''s come around and that makes me happy. i am trying to be happy today. i am going to bed soon and hope to awaken a bi more happy tomorrow..... thanks again for the support
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Hi ontherightpath
I relapsed more than once because I was angry at the world or frustrated...the only tool I ever had to deal with that kind of stuff was drinking...
Find some more tools to deal with these kinds of things and you'll find you've instantly made returning to drinking that much less likely
good to have you back
D
I relapsed more than once because I was angry at the world or frustrated...the only tool I ever had to deal with that kind of stuff was drinking...
Find some more tools to deal with these kinds of things and you'll find you've instantly made returning to drinking that much less likely
good to have you back
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
What you did was really great, rightpath........ I think sometimes our anger is just a cover for hurt and fear, and you allowed yourself to express your true feelings to your husband. That's huge, really!
When I was married some time ago, I had the hardest time not arguing/defending myself. I had to be right all the time. It took me ages to realize that the attack/defend mode never made things better.
Congrats on your sober day!!!
When I was married some time ago, I had the hardest time not arguing/defending myself. I had to be right all the time. It took me ages to realize that the attack/defend mode never made things better.
Congrats on your sober day!!!
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Maybe you got drunk because you felt like you didn't deserve that "coin". Anger is one way that some of us mask feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. Though everyone makes mistakes and we are no better or worse we feel that they are. We don't feel like we deserve what we have much less the potential that we can reach. Don't beat yourself up. I don't think there is one person in the world that had an issue with alcohol that would have gotten better if it were not for may events of which they were ashamed. We also all deserve to be sober. We are no better than anyone else, but we are certainly no worse. Don't beat yourself up. Just stay sober and you will have an opportunity to make amends many times over by being the person you deserve to be.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Like LaFemme, along with AA and my sponsor and the steps, therapy was key for me. May be look into that option?
Also, I would not expect relapses. That seems dangerous to me. Although it is often part of peoples stories it does not have to be. There are plenty of people with good solid sobriety in AA that have yet to have a relapse. Make your own path, don't follow someone's. Many people who relapse don't make it back. I don't know if I would or not and I don't plan to find out. Drinking is not an option for me today.
Also, I would not expect relapses. That seems dangerous to me. Although it is often part of peoples stories it does not have to be. There are plenty of people with good solid sobriety in AA that have yet to have a relapse. Make your own path, don't follow someone's. Many people who relapse don't make it back. I don't know if I would or not and I don't plan to find out. Drinking is not an option for me today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
I read through this thread and something hit me ...
It is much more important to win the war than each battle. As long as you can admit defeat, learn from the tactical errors, and use them as strength for the next one you are on the right path -- this is a lifelong war and the ultimate goal is to WIN by living and not letting alcohol, the enemy, take your life either literally or figuratively.
I am struggling myself every day, but I keep winning more battles than losing and that is good enough for me. It has to be ... because I know there will be more and instead of looking at those battles with the bottle as "relapse" or "failure" I try to focus on reducing the battles until they are few and VERY VERY VERY VERY far between. Ideally, I'll never have another one - but I've also learned that expectations do nothing but allow for disappointment so I focus on one day at a time. And no, I am not in AA but that is a good slogan to live by for both alcoholics, non-alcoholics, and everyone in between.
I wish you luck and strength as we all suit up everyday and take on our enemy
It is much more important to win the war than each battle. As long as you can admit defeat, learn from the tactical errors, and use them as strength for the next one you are on the right path -- this is a lifelong war and the ultimate goal is to WIN by living and not letting alcohol, the enemy, take your life either literally or figuratively.
I am struggling myself every day, but I keep winning more battles than losing and that is good enough for me. It has to be ... because I know there will be more and instead of looking at those battles with the bottle as "relapse" or "failure" I try to focus on reducing the battles until they are few and VERY VERY VERY VERY far between. Ideally, I'll never have another one - but I've also learned that expectations do nothing but allow for disappointment so I focus on one day at a time. And no, I am not in AA but that is a good slogan to live by for both alcoholics, non-alcoholics, and everyone in between.
I wish you luck and strength as we all suit up everyday and take on our enemy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Sorry to hear about your relapse ontherightpath, I agree with Emeraldrose, you need to find out what triggered the relapse.
I nearly relapsed last weekend, I knew why and I knew what I had to do, get to meetings. I went to a meeting last night.
I hope this doesn't sound callous but your post really reminded me how bad I would feel if I did relapse.
I understand the anger, yesterday I had to go to my room so I would not explode in front of my loved one. It doesn't matter what people do really, I am just angry, their breathing can set me off.
.
Today I feel so much calmer after the meeting and will get to as many as I can in the next 2 weeks. I am glad you spoke about your relapse it is important for you and helpful to others
I am listening to this and it is really helping
Relapse Prevention Addiction Recovery
All the best
CaiHong
I nearly relapsed last weekend, I knew why and I knew what I had to do, get to meetings. I went to a meeting last night.
I hope this doesn't sound callous but your post really reminded me how bad I would feel if I did relapse.
I understand the anger, yesterday I had to go to my room so I would not explode in front of my loved one. It doesn't matter what people do really, I am just angry, their breathing can set me off.
.Today I feel so much calmer after the meeting and will get to as many as I can in the next 2 weeks. I am glad you spoke about your relapse it is important for you and helpful to others
I am listening to this and it is really helping
Relapse Prevention Addiction Recovery
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Thanks everyone!! I attended another meeting this morning and was able to speak without crying, I believe whole heartedly that this relapse was in the make long before it happened. I talked openly about it and felt great. One thing that brought me up was my ability to be honest.. its like a weight lifted... and people gave me props for being honest, they said they would never have walked back in to a meeting on the next day.... that speaks volumes to me. tonight i am much to tense and tired from working all day. i had some expectations of my dh that went to crap, and came home to everyone barking in my ear!!! thankfully i went to grocery store and got some tension tamer tea. gonna drink my tea, check out recent threads and posts and turn in early tonight. I can do this, one day at a time!!! and if i dont get drunk between meetings, then i will be ok!!! meeting with my sponsor on thursday evening, yay!!! everyone have a great night!!!
everyone have a great night!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
