New Here: BF Heroin Addict in Rehab and Doesn't Want to Talk to Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
New Here: BF Heroin Addict in Rehab and Doesn't Want to Talk to Me
Hi Everyone,
I'm glad I found this forum. I've really been struggling for the past 60 days since my bf entered rehab. Actually, I'd say at this point, the relationship is over. I discovered he was using heroin and intervened and had his family's support (I've known them all for 3 years). Well, a month ago, my bf got a day pass and decided to take some girl he met in rehab to his family's home. No one told me. And he didn't want me there. When I confronted him, he said he's "friends" with this girl in rehab (also, btw, a heroin addict). Like breeds like, I guess.
I am in Alanon and understand keeping the focus on myself. My struggle is that the person I met 1 1/2 years ago was a sweet guy...I've now discovered that he has been high our ENTIRE relationship. I had no clue that he was using heroin. I feel so betrayed and rejected (not only because of whatever is going on with this girl, but by his family and by him). The worst part is he told me how much he loved me, wanted to marry me and have kids with me. In reading this forum, it sounds like these are all addict lies. I don't know who the guy is I was in love with and who is in now that he's 60 days sober. He doesn't want me in his life apparently. He went 2 weeks without calling and talked to me a few days ago and said he needs to focus on his sobriety and he was high our whole relationship.
I'm confused
I'm glad I found this forum. I've really been struggling for the past 60 days since my bf entered rehab. Actually, I'd say at this point, the relationship is over. I discovered he was using heroin and intervened and had his family's support (I've known them all for 3 years). Well, a month ago, my bf got a day pass and decided to take some girl he met in rehab to his family's home. No one told me. And he didn't want me there. When I confronted him, he said he's "friends" with this girl in rehab (also, btw, a heroin addict). Like breeds like, I guess.
I am in Alanon and understand keeping the focus on myself. My struggle is that the person I met 1 1/2 years ago was a sweet guy...I've now discovered that he has been high our ENTIRE relationship. I had no clue that he was using heroin. I feel so betrayed and rejected (not only because of whatever is going on with this girl, but by his family and by him). The worst part is he told me how much he loved me, wanted to marry me and have kids with me. In reading this forum, it sounds like these are all addict lies. I don't know who the guy is I was in love with and who is in now that he's 60 days sober. He doesn't want me in his life apparently. He went 2 weeks without calling and talked to me a few days ago and said he needs to focus on his sobriety and he was high our whole relationship.
I'm confused
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
This is all very common behavior for an addict in recovery/rehab.
What else can you "do" except move on? He has given you a pretty clear message that your relationship is over. Frankly, I believe he has done you a HUGE favor. My very sweet 21 yr old addict son has put his very precious girlfriend through absolute hell for 5 years. She finally broke free and I am very happy for her.
Please -- there are lots of guys out there who don't have these addiction issues and they ARE lifelong issues.
Run for the hills and don't look back.
((((HUGS)))))))
What else can you "do" except move on? He has given you a pretty clear message that your relationship is over. Frankly, I believe he has done you a HUGE favor. My very sweet 21 yr old addict son has put his very precious girlfriend through absolute hell for 5 years. She finally broke free and I am very happy for her.
Please -- there are lots of guys out there who don't have these addiction issues and they ARE lifelong issues.
Run for the hills and don't look back.
((((HUGS)))))))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There is a grieving process many of us go through where we need to grieve the loss of the person we knew or thought we knew, the loss of our dreams and the loss of our own self-esteem because we are trapped in what we know to be a very bad situation.
Grieving hurts but it doesn't last forever. Once we have walked through the pain, life gets better and we see more clearly because we are wiser for the journey.
I am so sorry you are hurting right now and I understand your pain. Stick around, read other threads here and decide if you want a life that is constantly filled with fear and questions and regrets or a life where you get to find new beginnings, new dreams and hope for a better path ahead.
Glad you found us and hope you'll find some peace here.
Hugs
Grieving hurts but it doesn't last forever. Once we have walked through the pain, life gets better and we see more clearly because we are wiser for the journey.
I am so sorry you are hurting right now and I understand your pain. Stick around, read other threads here and decide if you want a life that is constantly filled with fear and questions and regrets or a life where you get to find new beginnings, new dreams and hope for a better path ahead.
Glad you found us and hope you'll find some peace here.
Hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I too, am sorry that you are hurting, however, he did you a favor. He is not the man you thought he was. He is a garden variety addict, nothing more.
Keep those meetings up, post here, read around the forums here, and, move forward with your life.
Keep those meetings up, post here, read around the forums here, and, move forward with your life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
I promise you it will get better if you keep working on yourself, your own happiness and what YOU want out of this ONE LIFE that nobody else gets to live.
I promise....if you do these things and stay away from him like your life depended on it.....I promise it will get better. But you HAVE TO DO THE WORK.
You have the chance to be fabulous with this one life you have. Do the work on yourself so you can be happy, productive, carefree and wonderful.
Those are the things that a QUALITY guy will be looking for in a girlfriend.
I promise....if you do these things and stay away from him like your life depended on it.....I promise it will get better. But you HAVE TO DO THE WORK.
You have the chance to be fabulous with this one life you have. Do the work on yourself so you can be happy, productive, carefree and wonderful.
Those are the things that a QUALITY guy will be looking for in a girlfriend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
Thank you for your posts, everyone!
I think the tough part is that I know I'm better off (intellectually), but feel so deceived that I had no idea that he was even using drugs, until right before he went into rehab. He hid it so well (now that I look back, I see the signs). It feels like I spent my relationship with someone, in which I was present and he was in another reality. That hurts and is painful. The person I loved died (as it was the addict him). I don't even know the sober him. It's frightening to think how deceitful addicts can be.
I think the tough part is that I know I'm better off (intellectually), but feel so deceived that I had no idea that he was even using drugs, until right before he went into rehab. He hid it so well (now that I look back, I see the signs). It feels like I spent my relationship with someone, in which I was present and he was in another reality. That hurts and is painful. The person I loved died (as it was the addict him). I don't even know the sober him. It's frightening to think how deceitful addicts can be.
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