firecallie

Everyone says she is SO bad and that it is clear she is dying. I called police and they said that they cannot force her to get medical attention. I have no doubt her body is failing her but I can't go over there and see her body shutting down and her talking to me like everything is fine. By the same token I wonder if I will always feel regret if she dies without me seeing her one last time. Would I be okay just telling her "I love you" on the phone and not feel guilty about not seeing her.

She tells me she doesn't want me to come over. I don't know what to do...I just need someone to tell me what to do and I know that nobody can. I don't want to go through this...

chicory

I dont ever think it is wrong to tell someone you love them. especially when you do clearly love her. she is sick, has a disease, and may need someone to get her to hospital. I dont know how terrible it would be for her to die at home, without medical care.
You have to do what you feel is right for you and that you can live with down the road. compassion is never a bad thing, just remember that you cannot make her stop.

hugs and prayers,
chicory

Impurrfect

(((FireCallie))) - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree, an "I love you" phone call is totally acceptable.

Many people who are dying don't want their loved ones around...they don't want them watching the process. If you were to go over there, despite her wishes, it could cause a lot of anger, hurt, and not end well.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

marie1960

firecallie sending you a big hug)))))))

All I have to offer is my own experience with my mom. She suffered a massive stroke, laid in a comatose state for 33 days. Everyday I prayed she would wake up, just so I could hear her beautiful voice one more time. She never did, but I had 33 days to thank her for everything she did for me, I got to hold her and hug her, I sang, and read to her. She died in my arms.

It's been 5 long years now that she has been gone. Death is a part of life. You are never really prepared. You think you are, but you are not......... it's almost surreal.

For me, it was an honor to be with her, when she left this world.

I would be reaching out to extended family, friends, clergy at this difficult time. Only you can decide what is best, if it were me I would have to be there with my mom, regardless of the circumstance........ sending you strength.

laurie6781

Please call Adult Protection Services in your state MONDAY MORNING and get someone out there to do a WELFARE CHECK.

You can tell them all you know including how she is insisting that YOU NOT come visit here, which is a "Red Flag" to you.

Ask that they call you as soon as they know anything. Police do not usually do 'welfare checks'. That is what the Social Workers are for.

In the meantime, of course, it is alright for you to say "I love you" on the phone. Talk to her daily if it helps.

Remember we are with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

firecallie

Thank you so much, i woke up and begged her to let me come over. She keeps saying no and she is fine. I worry that if I go over there she might flip out. I don't know that I could deal with that.

I left a message for Social Services yesterday. I will be talking to them Monday morning. Thank you for the advice!

Seren

(((Callie))) I'm glad you have contacted social services. I hope they can provide you with the help you need.

Hugs and prayers for you and your Mom! HG

painterman

I hope you get some help with this, it's obviously a job for the professionals-you seem to have done all you can-and you are still there for your mum.