I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
I need help
I'm on day 45 and for the most part have been doing pretty well and feeling positive about my sobriety. Today I just want to say forget it and have a drink. I don't know who I am sober. Drinking mostly stunk but it's all I've known since I was 13. My coping mechanism. I'm dealing with a lot right now and it's hard not to drink. Drinking may be all I really had in common with my husband, I'm not sure. I just know our relationship is different now that I'm sober and he's still drinking. Or rather, we don't really have a relationship. Drinking helped me overcome my anxiety in social situations as well. I don't know who I am without a drink in my hand. I'm boring, for one thing. And I can't stop crying because I know it sounds terrible but I'm not sure I even like myself well enough to want to save myself and be sober. I've heard it said that when you get sober "the only thing that changes is everything" and I'm not at all good with change. How are you all doing this? Was it this hard for you at the beginning? I need help. Please.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Omg hard at he beging and hard now for me 
i also drank every day all day and night for over 20 years , i gave up and believed thats me fun and sometimes not fun ,
but what i can tell you its fun and scary learning life in a whole new light hug
i grew up in the woodlands by the way lol
just keep comin back , and no matter what , "i dont care if your asz falls off , dont pick up that drink " from my sponsor
i also drank every day all day and night for over 20 years , i gave up and believed thats me fun and sometimes not fun ,
but what i can tell you its fun and scary learning life in a whole new light hug
i grew up in the woodlands by the way lol
just keep comin back , and no matter what , "i dont care if your asz falls off , dont pick up that drink " from my sponsor
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Yes, it was very hard, and yes, everything changed. And, that included my relationship with my husband and with myself, too.
I know that I wasn't the person I had pretended to be and that was scary. But, I was so miserable, that I was willing to find out who I really was - no more of being who other people wanted me to be. It was freeing and envigorating and disappointing in some ways. Like you, I'm not nearly as social as I used to be, but I'm very okay with that.
Give yourself a chance to get used to the sober you and to adjust to your new relationship with your husband.
I know that I wasn't the person I had pretended to be and that was scary. But, I was so miserable, that I was willing to find out who I really was - no more of being who other people wanted me to be. It was freeing and envigorating and disappointing in some ways. Like you, I'm not nearly as social as I used to be, but I'm very okay with that.
Give yourself a chance to get used to the sober you and to adjust to your new relationship with your husband.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern Midwest
Posts: 53
Wow, you made it to day 45? Holy Crap - I've NEVER made it that far! I'm on Day 5 for about the 10th time.
Your feelings describe why I keep going back. I am just not sure who the hell I am when I am not drinking. I am not sure how to be happy or have fun without drinking. I do know that I am willing to try my best to get over it this time. I think that eventually the "me" that is the "real me" will eventually start to come back. I honestly have not see her for years and years and I can't remember who she is. I can not wait for that day. :-)
Your feelings describe why I keep going back. I am just not sure who the hell I am when I am not drinking. I am not sure how to be happy or have fun without drinking. I do know that I am willing to try my best to get over it this time. I think that eventually the "me" that is the "real me" will eventually start to come back. I honestly have not see her for years and years and I can't remember who she is. I can not wait for that day. :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
I knew I had to change.
I hate change too - but my old way simply wasn't working.
I made a commitment each day not to drink...and I did everything I could to face the problems in my life without drinking...every day I gained a few more skills...every week I grew a little more....
It's a long haul...but you're not alone Eliasson...and it is worth it. So so worth it
If you're feeling unsupported maybe it's time to look for reallife support as well as SR?
D
I hate change too - but my old way simply wasn't working.
I made a commitment each day not to drink...and I did everything I could to face the problems in my life without drinking...every day I gained a few more skills...every week I grew a little more....
It's a long haul...but you're not alone Eliasson...and it is worth it. So so worth it
If you're feeling unsupported maybe it's time to look for reallife support as well as SR?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 123
Eliasson, I feel your pain. Drinking has been my coping mechanism ever since I was 13 or 14 - I'm 41 now. For me, being sober is a very unnatural thing, but something I know that I have to do for myself and for my loved ones. Hang in there and feel free to PM me anytime if you need help. You are not alone! We can do this together!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling today. It's hard at first to accept our emotions and trust that "this too shall pass." We all have bad days, but dwelling on them just makes it worse. If you can, bring yourself into the moment, find something positive, focus on your breathing.... whatever helps break the spell of negative thinking. Often I find that a good night's sleep gives me a better outlook.
I had those moments early on when I really didn't care about myself and just wanted to drink. But I knew I'd regret it if I did. Alcohol has never made my life better and I'm sure you know that, too.
Hugs and prayers coming your way.........
I had those moments early on when I really didn't care about myself and just wanted to drink. But I knew I'd regret it if I did. Alcohol has never made my life better and I'm sure you know that, too.
Hugs and prayers coming your way.........
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Hi Eliasson. I'm so sorry you're having these negative feelings. As the others said, it's perfectly normal at this stage. Most of us have been where you are right now.
In the beginning I had so many emotions going on, I couldn't keep track of them all. I was angry, resentful, remorseful - filled with guilt, dread, doubt....should I go on? I knew I had made the right decision about drinking, and there could be no going back - or I'd die. Yet I wanted to be happy about it, and that didn't happen right away. To be honest it took me about 2 or 3 mos. to begin lightening up about everything.
Posting and reading here took me through the worst times, and knowing I had all this great company meant everything. My friends here told me to be kind to myself and take tiny baby steps - that it would all begin to work itself out. They were right. Each day gets a little easier as we learn to live again without our crutch. Whatever happens with your marriage, at least you'll be clear headed to deal with what comes next. We're with you!
In the beginning I had so many emotions going on, I couldn't keep track of them all. I was angry, resentful, remorseful - filled with guilt, dread, doubt....should I go on?
I knew I had made the right decision about drinking, and there could be no going back - or I'd die. Yet I wanted to be happy about it, and that didn't happen right away. To be honest it took me about 2 or 3 mos. to begin lightening up about everything. Posting and reading here took me through the worst times, and knowing I had all this great company meant everything. My friends here told me to be kind to myself and take tiny baby steps - that it would all begin to work itself out. They were right. Each day gets a little easier as we learn to live again without our crutch. Whatever happens with your marriage, at least you'll be clear headed to deal with what comes next. We're with you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
It easy, when opportunity and means allows, for us to toss back a couple and slip away into the abyss, forsake reality and coast off to never-never land. But there's always the return trip into reality, which most often was worsened by our trip away.
Life just isn't easy for us, we often times just don't know what to do with ourselves and there's no personal instruction book that accompanies us as we grow and mature. We make a bit of progress, then we slip back a few strides, only to struggle to regain the progress we lost. We enter into relationships that we hope will help us heal, only to discover the magic for our lives can't be brought to us by another. We struggle with our feelings, our perplexing purpose, and readily seek the fastest escape from being who we are. We seek comfort in any diversion available outside ourselves, for we know not whom it is that dwells within. When our attempts at finding peace and serenity outside of ourselves fails, we seek immediate relief from our sense of failure. It's not so much life that we struggle with, it's with ourselves, and the real person we are cannot grow and mature if we constantly keep suppressing ourselves with booze.
It's scary to remove the cloak of intoxication and see ourselves bare, immature, and regretful of what's become of our lives in comparison to those dreams we had long ago that have somehow faded from our minds into the abyss of what could have been. It's this reckoning that drives many of us back to the bottle, for we cannot handle the reality of what has been our life, however this reckoning while sober is our only means to connect with who we are today and allow ourselves a chance to dream again.
Maybe you can shift your focus for today to what you'd love to do with a new life, one that's clean and sober. Therein lies your direction and the motivation to stay the course, learn to cope with the new you and seek that which you gave up on so long ago.
Today, as they say, is the first day of the rest of your life, you can choose to make it wonderful.
Life just isn't easy for us, we often times just don't know what to do with ourselves and there's no personal instruction book that accompanies us as we grow and mature. We make a bit of progress, then we slip back a few strides, only to struggle to regain the progress we lost. We enter into relationships that we hope will help us heal, only to discover the magic for our lives can't be brought to us by another. We struggle with our feelings, our perplexing purpose, and readily seek the fastest escape from being who we are. We seek comfort in any diversion available outside ourselves, for we know not whom it is that dwells within. When our attempts at finding peace and serenity outside of ourselves fails, we seek immediate relief from our sense of failure. It's not so much life that we struggle with, it's with ourselves, and the real person we are cannot grow and mature if we constantly keep suppressing ourselves with booze.
It's scary to remove the cloak of intoxication and see ourselves bare, immature, and regretful of what's become of our lives in comparison to those dreams we had long ago that have somehow faded from our minds into the abyss of what could have been. It's this reckoning that drives many of us back to the bottle, for we cannot handle the reality of what has been our life, however this reckoning while sober is our only means to connect with who we are today and allow ourselves a chance to dream again.
Maybe you can shift your focus for today to what you'd love to do with a new life, one that's clean and sober. Therein lies your direction and the motivation to stay the course, learn to cope with the new you and seek that which you gave up on so long ago.
Today, as they say, is the first day of the rest of your life, you can choose to make it wonderful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Thank you so much for all the kind words and support. I am so grateful to you for helping me to stay sober. I am just believing and trusting what you say and that it will get better. FHB1, I think it's great we can do this together. Our sobriety dates must be close? Mine is 8-11-11. Thank you again so much.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: A Happy Cloud :)
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by fakesmiles 
Wow, you made it to day 45? Holy Crap - I've NEVER made it that far! I'm on Day 5 for about the 10th time.
Your feelings describe why I keep going back. I am just not sure who the hell I am when I am not drinking. I am not sure how to be happy or have fun without drinking. I do know that I am willing to try my best to get over it this time. I think that eventually the "me" that is the "real me" will eventually start to come back. I honestly have not see her for years and years and I can't remember who she is. I can not wait for that day. :-)
Your feelings describe why I keep going back. I am just not sure who the hell I am when I am not drinking. I am not sure how to be happy or have fun without drinking. I do know that I am willing to try my best to get over it this time. I think that eventually the "me" that is the "real me" will eventually start to come back. I honestly have not see her for years and years and I can't remember who she is. I can not wait for that day. :-)
I think we should all allow ourselves to grow up. Everyone is ALWAYS evolving! On this site, we're just learning how to evolve substance free.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Eliasson, I am having the same day/week/experience you describe, and was coming here to post a "help", thanks for saving me the trouble. Hugs to you, and all the people here.
Today I was just so at odds with myself, at work, thinking why bother to not drink? I don't like me or my life sober so much either...I was thinking, imagining this evening if I used, if I drank, if I stayed in , went out, called someone, et cetc...trying to figure out how to work it. Counting the minutes till I got off of work, but terrified as well.
I white knuckled and prayed through the day, did a gratitude list in my head, everything, anything but pick up a substance and throw all I've gained away
Today I was just so at odds with myself, at work, thinking why bother to not drink? I don't like me or my life sober so much either...I was thinking, imagining this evening if I used, if I drank, if I stayed in , went out, called someone, et cetc...trying to figure out how to work it. Counting the minutes till I got off of work, but terrified as well.
I white knuckled and prayed through the day, did a gratitude list in my head, everything, anything but pick up a substance and throw all I've gained away
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Here & Now, WI
Posts: 21
Change is extremely hard. I'm at 60 days sober and I squirm constantly at all the growing pains occurring.
My mind revolts at change because change is difficult and requires energy and courage. My brain is wired to "take the path of least resistance" and "stick with the familiar". Unfortunately for my poor brain, it was this sort of mindset that was killing me.
I know today that no matter how difficult it gets, nothing could ever be worse than the dark place I managed to escape. I know things get better because I feel it happening in increments and I see it has come true for those who weathered these storms and hung around long enough for the miracle to happen.
Hang in there, be vigilant, and recognize that despair is nothing more than the disease's ploy to weaken your resolve so it can move back into your head and continue it's agenda to destroy your life. The disease HATES change, so all this means is that you've got it on the ropes! Keep swinging!
My mind revolts at change because change is difficult and requires energy and courage. My brain is wired to "take the path of least resistance" and "stick with the familiar". Unfortunately for my poor brain, it was this sort of mindset that was killing me.
I know today that no matter how difficult it gets, nothing could ever be worse than the dark place I managed to escape. I know things get better because I feel it happening in increments and I see it has come true for those who weathered these storms and hung around long enough for the miracle to happen.
Hang in there, be vigilant, and recognize that despair is nothing more than the disease's ploy to weaken your resolve so it can move back into your head and continue it's agenda to destroy your life. The disease HATES change, so all this means is that you've got it on the ropes! Keep swinging!
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