Completely ot
Jujubee Queen
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Completely ot
Hi everyone,
Hopefully someone will have some insight for me, of which I seem to be lacking.
As most of you know, AS, age 38 has a son, who is now 31 mos. old.
AS's ex GF moved back in with her mother, when she broke up with AS, when the baby was 8 weeks old.
GF's mother did not want her to have this child, wanted her to have an abortion, and did not even go visit her when she gave birth. Also, her mother has a son by another man, and kid (14) won't give the baby the time of day, has never played with him....etc.
Meanwhile. Mr. Moose and I have been watching the baby while GF attends college..(she's going to be a teacher) and works evenings.
We decided to stay home this winter after the grandson started acting out at daycare, actually slapped a teacher and told her to shut up. Not sure where that came from, but my thinking is, maybe the half Uncle? (The 14 year old, Half Uncle, who divides his time between his mothers and fathers...they're divorced.
Meanwhile, there is, and has never been an easy way to take the grandbaby home. He started crying when I put him in the car at 8 mos. old and it has continued.
After the daycare incident, Mr. Moose and I decided to stay home to make sure we watch him the nights that the half Uncle was there, thinking maybe some consistency would help. If we're not here, the child is shuffled from baby sitter to baby sitter...because the GF's mother doesn't want to watch him all the time, and she works full time.
Anyway, I have seen GF's mother be kind of nasty with the baby, exaggerating a dirty diaper when he was 9 months old..."Oh this is awful, OMG, I have to put this in another bag...etc. I said nothing. But my thinking was for goodness sake he's 8 months old!
And one day she warmed a pork chop for him, and he didn't want it, and threw a piece on the floor and she had a royal fit over that. Actually kind of screaming...I said nothing.
Meanwhile fast forward to today.
Mr. Moose and I had baby overnight....went to park today...went to McD's today....he came home took a nap.......then his mom who was suppose to pick him up at 4:30p.m. called and said she was needed at her old job until 9 p.m. tonight, (she needs the money)and her mom would watch him...
So, I let him nap for 2 hours, woke him up, took him home to the other grandma, and he started crying and screaming in their driveway...I tried to console him...it'll be alright maybe Grandma will take you for a walk...then I walk in, she has to PEEL him from me, he's hysterical, and then I see Half Uncle is there.
I just called grandsons mom where she works, she says she didn't know her half brother was going to be there...I wanted her to call her mother, and see if he calmed down...she'll call me back.
This is a difficult situation, I never told GF about her mothers behavior with the baby, those 2 incidents I saw, because I know a daughter is a daughter forever...so, I keep my mouth shut.
BUT I feel it in my gut something is very wrong.
Help me please, my heart is hurting for this little fella, who is such a good baby when he is here.
Hopefully someone will have some insight for me, of which I seem to be lacking.
As most of you know, AS, age 38 has a son, who is now 31 mos. old.
AS's ex GF moved back in with her mother, when she broke up with AS, when the baby was 8 weeks old.
GF's mother did not want her to have this child, wanted her to have an abortion, and did not even go visit her when she gave birth. Also, her mother has a son by another man, and kid (14) won't give the baby the time of day, has never played with him....etc.
Meanwhile. Mr. Moose and I have been watching the baby while GF attends college..(she's going to be a teacher) and works evenings.
We decided to stay home this winter after the grandson started acting out at daycare, actually slapped a teacher and told her to shut up. Not sure where that came from, but my thinking is, maybe the half Uncle? (The 14 year old, Half Uncle, who divides his time between his mothers and fathers...they're divorced.
Meanwhile, there is, and has never been an easy way to take the grandbaby home. He started crying when I put him in the car at 8 mos. old and it has continued.
After the daycare incident, Mr. Moose and I decided to stay home to make sure we watch him the nights that the half Uncle was there, thinking maybe some consistency would help. If we're not here, the child is shuffled from baby sitter to baby sitter...because the GF's mother doesn't want to watch him all the time, and she works full time.
Anyway, I have seen GF's mother be kind of nasty with the baby, exaggerating a dirty diaper when he was 9 months old..."Oh this is awful, OMG, I have to put this in another bag...etc. I said nothing. But my thinking was for goodness sake he's 8 months old!
And one day she warmed a pork chop for him, and he didn't want it, and threw a piece on the floor and she had a royal fit over that. Actually kind of screaming...I said nothing.
Meanwhile fast forward to today.
Mr. Moose and I had baby overnight....went to park today...went to McD's today....he came home took a nap.......then his mom who was suppose to pick him up at 4:30p.m. called and said she was needed at her old job until 9 p.m. tonight, (she needs the money)and her mom would watch him...
So, I let him nap for 2 hours, woke him up, took him home to the other grandma, and he started crying and screaming in their driveway...I tried to console him...it'll be alright maybe Grandma will take you for a walk...then I walk in, she has to PEEL him from me, he's hysterical, and then I see Half Uncle is there.
I just called grandsons mom where she works, she says she didn't know her half brother was going to be there...I wanted her to call her mother, and see if he calmed down...she'll call me back.
This is a difficult situation, I never told GF about her mothers behavior with the baby, those 2 incidents I saw, because I know a daughter is a daughter forever...so, I keep my mouth shut.
BUT I feel it in my gut something is very wrong.
Help me please, my heart is hurting for this little fella, who is such a good baby when he is here.
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Moose
This is a difficult situation for sure and I know you worry for the baby's welfare. I'm not an expert and perhaps you should consult with one-- I get the feel g that there is some abuse going on. How sad for everyone and especially that sweet innocent baby.
This is a difficult situation for sure and I know you worry for the baby's welfare. I'm not an expert and perhaps you should consult with one-- I get the feel g that there is some abuse going on. How sad for everyone and especially that sweet innocent baby.
Jujubee Queen
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Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
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Yes, I know something is wrong.
I think it's not normal for a child/baby to be happy to see their mother, or grandmother.
But, I think when his mother picks him up here, he's unhappy to see her, cause he knows he has to go back to that house.
I may be just reading alot into it....
But the other grandmother has said things to me like: "If I had 40 thousand dollars, I give it to her, just so her and her son were out of my house" said to ME, a practical stranger.
But, the girls stuck between a rock and a hard place.....
Thanks Barb, I think I will look into who I can see.
Altho' gandson is going to start being able to tell us the problem pretty darn soon. He's already said the Half-Uncle is MEAN.
I think it's not normal for a child/baby to be happy to see their mother, or grandmother.
But, I think when his mother picks him up here, he's unhappy to see her, cause he knows he has to go back to that house.
I may be just reading alot into it....
But the other grandmother has said things to me like: "If I had 40 thousand dollars, I give it to her, just so her and her son were out of my house" said to ME, a practical stranger.
But, the girls stuck between a rock and a hard place.....
Thanks Barb, I think I will look into who I can see.
Altho' gandson is going to start being able to tell us the problem pretty darn soon. He's already said the Half-Uncle is MEAN.
Jujubee Queen
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The mom is on the WIC program...
and even if I called, then I put the babymama in a tough spot.
AND the other part is I don't want to get in the middle between her and her mother, and have the grandson ripped from me. It's why I've kept my mouth shut, and just tried to have the baby here more than there, or only THERE when the babymama was there, too.
My AS, when the baby was little called CPS on her a few times, just for hatefulness, they came and found nothing. Even if they were called and came to the house, how could they figure it out.
What I need is a camera in that house, so I can see what is really going on.
I really think grandmother is going to choose HER 14 year old son, over her grandson.
HER son has ADHD and a bunch of other issues, what I don't know.
AND I have never seen him anywhere other than at his PC playing computer games with a headset on, which his mother buys him.
and even if I called, then I put the babymama in a tough spot.
AND the other part is I don't want to get in the middle between her and her mother, and have the grandson ripped from me. It's why I've kept my mouth shut, and just tried to have the baby here more than there, or only THERE when the babymama was there, too.
My AS, when the baby was little called CPS on her a few times, just for hatefulness, they came and found nothing. Even if they were called and came to the house, how could they figure it out.
What I need is a camera in that house, so I can see what is really going on.
I really think grandmother is going to choose HER 14 year old son, over her grandson.
HER son has ADHD and a bunch of other issues, what I don't know.
AND I have never seen him anywhere other than at his PC playing computer games with a headset on, which his mother buys him.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
I hate to say it but with out evidence you can only do what you are doing.
Try as much as possible to have him with you. You can be his saving grace, at least the time with you will help him.
What if your AS would try more to get more time with him?
I know your doing all you can. I feel for your situation.
Try as much as possible to have him with you. You can be his saving grace, at least the time with you will help him.
What if your AS would try more to get more time with him?
I know your doing all you can. I feel for your situation.
Jujubee Queen
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AS seems to have throw-away children, sad to say.
He has a 18 year old daughter, and that GF left him when the daughter was 18 months old, and until she called me a year ago, I didn't see her.
I have asked AS to come visit with his son consistently, like every Tuesday, so I can have grandson look forward to his visit.
He does it for one week, then it's excuse after excuse, and actually, the child is probably better without him...and I'm AS's mother saying that.
Son just recently found a job, after being in prison 4 times, still has anger issues, if you tell him "NO"
and recently, I cut off all money to him, so he's not calling much now...lol
He has a 18 year old daughter, and that GF left him when the daughter was 18 months old, and until she called me a year ago, I didn't see her.
I have asked AS to come visit with his son consistently, like every Tuesday, so I can have grandson look forward to his visit.
He does it for one week, then it's excuse after excuse, and actually, the child is probably better without him...and I'm AS's mother saying that.
Son just recently found a job, after being in prison 4 times, still has anger issues, if you tell him "NO"
and recently, I cut off all money to him, so he's not calling much now...lol
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Moose, I don't know what more you can do than you already are, but I am glad you are on the watch to protect that child. I think I would talk to the mama about this, delicately perhaps, but she should know.
Big hugs to you for watching over this little boy.
Big hugs to you for watching over this little boy.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Moose))) - I feel for you. Though it was under totally different circumstances with my niece, Brit (we were in a custody battle with her sperm-donor's dad/stepmom), we saw absolute terror in her eyes when she even saw a CAR that looked like her other grandparents, would start crying hysterically, saying "please don't make me go" over and over. By the age of 3 she had a counselor, guardian ad-litem, and lawer...sigh.
My stepmom and dad were telling the guardian ad litem about Brit's behavior and that we had checked for bruises, but her other grandmother has screamed at ME and terrified me, so I can only imagine what she did to Brit.
The court ordered visits were finally ended, but it wasn't until I told Brit, a few years ago, what REALLY happened, why we HAD to let her go see them, etc. and then she turned the anger she'd had at us to them.
I know that's not an option, where your precious grandson is concerned, just wanted you to know I know how much it hurts and how helpless we can feel.
I will say lots of prayers that he gets to spend a lot more time with you and ((Mr. Moose)), and his mom will be a bit more enlightened about what is going on.
One thing is for sure, your grandson is blessed to have you in his life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My stepmom and dad were telling the guardian ad litem about Brit's behavior and that we had checked for bruises, but her other grandmother has screamed at ME and terrified me, so I can only imagine what she did to Brit.
The court ordered visits were finally ended, but it wasn't until I told Brit, a few years ago, what REALLY happened, why we HAD to let her go see them, etc. and then she turned the anger she'd had at us to them.
I know that's not an option, where your precious grandson is concerned, just wanted you to know I know how much it hurts and how helpless we can feel.
I will say lots of prayers that he gets to spend a lot more time with you and ((Mr. Moose)), and his mom will be a bit more enlightened about what is going on.
One thing is for sure, your grandson is blessed to have you in his life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Jujubee Queen
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Thanks Ann,
I was so upset when I came home, I did call the babymama , I called her cell, and when she didn't answer, I called the place where she was working, and she came to the phone.
I told her this has been going on too long, and I feel like there's some kind of a problem, but like she said to me, she's stuck in a hard place, because she has nowhere to live, other than there, until she finishes college, and gets a job. She feels it's related to her half-brother, and her mother doesn't correct him, or does anything to ease the situation.
What I think is...that mother resents her daughter for not listening to her, and giving birth to the grandson, and her attitude of resentment rubbed off on the spoiled son of hers. He will not even acknowledge the baby at all, how cruel is that?
I am praying she lets us take the baby to camp for the Summer, I will make it clear she's free to come up with her current BF.
Yikes, what a mess.
I was so upset when I came home, I did call the babymama , I called her cell, and when she didn't answer, I called the place where she was working, and she came to the phone.
I told her this has been going on too long, and I feel like there's some kind of a problem, but like she said to me, she's stuck in a hard place, because she has nowhere to live, other than there, until she finishes college, and gets a job. She feels it's related to her half-brother, and her mother doesn't correct him, or does anything to ease the situation.
What I think is...that mother resents her daughter for not listening to her, and giving birth to the grandson, and her attitude of resentment rubbed off on the spoiled son of hers. He will not even acknowledge the baby at all, how cruel is that?
I am praying she lets us take the baby to camp for the Summer, I will make it clear she's free to come up with her current BF.
Yikes, what a mess.
Jujubee Queen
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I just want to thank you all for listening.
I know this is all so off topic....but then again, if it wasn't for my AS's addiction, I'd be babysitting on a Saturday night while the lovely couple went to dinner and a movie...
I know this is all so off topic....but then again, if it wasn't for my AS's addiction, I'd be babysitting on a Saturday night while the lovely couple went to dinner and a movie...
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Boy you and Mr Moose are really between a 'rock and a hard place' on this one.
Is there some way you could broach the subject gently with the GF that grandson really does not want to leave you when you take him back to your mom's house. It is obvious with no proof that calling CPS wouldn't help and might hurt the GF who is apparently trying real hard to better herself for her and her son.
No other ideas at this time, but am sending good thoughts and prayers your way, and have added you, Mr Moose, GF and grandson to the prayer circles I belong to.
Love and hugs,
Is there some way you could broach the subject gently with the GF that grandson really does not want to leave you when you take him back to your mom's house. It is obvious with no proof that calling CPS wouldn't help and might hurt the GF who is apparently trying real hard to better herself for her and her son.
No other ideas at this time, but am sending good thoughts and prayers your way, and have added you, Mr Moose, GF and grandson to the prayer circles I belong to.
Love and hugs,
Jujubee Queen
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laurie,
GF KNOWS there's some kind of a problem because she's been picking him up here, at our house this week, and he's not happy to see her when she comes, either.
She mentioned it today to me, and I said to her, maybe it's because he KNOWS you're taking him back to that HOUSE?
She doesn't have any answers either, there's no way for her to know what's going on when she's not there.
But the the 31 month old grandson did tell me "Seth is mean" when we were casually talking about nice vs. not nice people, and I have never mentioned the word mean....
Initially, when this started the baby was 8 months old...I mentioned it to my cousin who is a director of a daycare, and she poo-pooed it off, as baby stuff, and "it's what toddlers do."..separation anxiety kind of thing.
GF KNOWS there's some kind of a problem because she's been picking him up here, at our house this week, and he's not happy to see her when she comes, either.
She mentioned it today to me, and I said to her, maybe it's because he KNOWS you're taking him back to that HOUSE?
She doesn't have any answers either, there's no way for her to know what's going on when she's not there.
But the the 31 month old grandson did tell me "Seth is mean" when we were casually talking about nice vs. not nice people, and I have never mentioned the word mean....
Initially, when this started the baby was 8 months old...I mentioned it to my cousin who is a director of a daycare, and she poo-pooed it off, as baby stuff, and "it's what toddlers do."..separation anxiety kind of thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
This is such a difficult set of circumstances. It's very upsetting that the mechanisms in place aren't very useful to protect this baby in these circumstances, but he's fortunate to have one balanced set of adults who will do all they can.
Blessings to the Mooses for deciding to stay close and keep a better eye on baby over the whole year. This must be very stressful for you, to be so powerless and yet so close to this situation.
Baby is extremely lucky you have recovery experience and tools.
Sending support,
CLMI
Blessings to the Mooses for deciding to stay close and keep a better eye on baby over the whole year. This must be very stressful for you, to be so powerless and yet so close to this situation.
Baby is extremely lucky you have recovery experience and tools.
Sending support,
CLMI
Jujubee Queen
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Yes, I had that thought in my mind too, her and the baby moving in.
Spoke to Mr. Moose about it too.
BUT, we really don't know her well.
My AS said she is nice to get what she wants, (aren't we all) and he swears she's bipolar....
We've never seen that side of her...as of ...yet.
And she is goal oriented, working and college.
We would take the grandson full time.
We are taking him 6 out of 7 days now.
She doesn't work Sunday.
I've been asking my H.P. to lead me on the right path, and to help me say the right thing before I open my mouth.
I am having lunch with the babymama this Tuesday, and want to ask her some questions about daily life at the house over there, but don't want to come across as accusing...you know what I mean?
We just want the best for grandson.
Both of our sons may have chosen the wrong path, but they had a stable loving home.
Spoke to Mr. Moose about it too.
BUT, we really don't know her well.
My AS said she is nice to get what she wants, (aren't we all) and he swears she's bipolar....
We've never seen that side of her...as of ...yet.
And she is goal oriented, working and college.
We would take the grandson full time.
We are taking him 6 out of 7 days now.
She doesn't work Sunday.
I've been asking my H.P. to lead me on the right path, and to help me say the right thing before I open my mouth.
I am having lunch with the babymama this Tuesday, and want to ask her some questions about daily life at the house over there, but don't want to come across as accusing...you know what I mean?
We just want the best for grandson.
Both of our sons may have chosen the wrong path, but they had a stable loving home.
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Originally Posted by mooselips 
Initially, when this started the baby was 8 months old...I mentioned it to my cousin who is a director of a daycare, and she poo-pooed it off, as baby stuff, and "it's what toddlers do."..separation anxiety kind of thing.
Originally Posted by mooselips
We are taking him 6 out of 7 days now.
I'm just chiming in on this point to help counter-act the other "voices."
CLMI
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I've been asking my H.P. to lead me on the right path, and to help me say the right thing before I open my mouth.
Moose, I was thinking as I read your post, what a difficult situation, what can be done? But then I read this and I know now that you are doing exactly what needs to be done. Prayers for you and Mr Moose and your little grandson.
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To get to know her.....perhaps she could spend some quality time at your house.
Dinner, talk, interact....with her and the little one. Perhaps give her a few moments of sanity and refuge while you get to know her and observe.
Baby spends so much time there....just seems right that you would want to get to know her better on somewhat safe ground.
Just a thought.....
Dinner, talk, interact....with her and the little one. Perhaps give her a few moments of sanity and refuge while you get to know her and observe.
Baby spends so much time there....just seems right that you would want to get to know her better on somewhat safe ground.
Just a thought.....
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