Need To Tell People Who Will Understand...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Need To Tell People Who Will Understand...
Hey everybody, I'm new here and just need to let some things out as I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if I'm stuck in an endless cycle that I can't see ending anytime soon. This will probably be kind of long so thank you to anyone who takes the time to stick with it.
Basically I'm 22 years old and ever since I can remember, my mum and dad have both liked a drink. The worst period I can remember was from when I was in secondary school and I would dread coming home of a night because I knew one or both of them would be drunk.
It started getting bad when I was 13 and I discovered that my mum was seeing someone else. I had to spend New Years Eve alone that year as she brought the guy to our house whilst my dad wasn't home. It's one of my worst memories because I was just a kid and powerless to do anything about it (she was drunk at this time btw) I felt so guilty that the next day I told my dad which caused them to split up but ever since then, they have lived in the same house but just haven't been together and my mum has been seeing the guy ever since, which I think is where most of her drinking stems from.
From then on there was constant arguing in our house, mostly alcohol fueled and when I was in the last couple of years of secondary school I started going off the rails. Misbehaving, smoking weed, skipping school, that sort of thing. But I pulled myself together and went on to pass college and graduate from university this year. I moved out for uni in my final two years and they were the best two years of my life as I was able to get away from everything.
But now uni is over and I've had to move back home and everything is just the way it was, but worse. My dad is a full-blown alcoholic now. He's been banned from driving for a DUI, he goes to the pub first thing of a morning when he finishes work, or often before hand. The other day, I met him from work and he was walking around with vodka in a soft drink bottle, thinking that I didn't realise what he was doing. A couple of weeks ago he got taken into hospital after an alcohol related black out but wouldn't stick around to hear the results of his tests. He becomes verbally abusive and has a horrendous temper when he's drunk and despite everything, he STILL denies he has a drinking problem! He can't go one day without a drink and hides alcohol around the house. Only a couple of hours ago he was falling over in his room next door because he's so drunk.
My mum often drinks in the house and passes out downstairs. One time I came home to find her lying on the floor, I thought she was dead. Another time I came home to find her and the guy she's seeing in bed, both of them drunk. Then the guy started having a go at me and my mum didn't even stick up for me. I hate this guy more than anything as I blame him for a lot of the problems in our family and I will never give them my blessing. I even had to call the police one time when my mum and dad were both drunk and arguing.
This has been going on for so long and I'm just getting to the point where I can't stand it anymore. Don't get me wrong, when they're not drinking they're the best parents in the world but it's becoming less frequent now. I get so angry when they're drunk, I end up kicking doors and punching things. I've tried so many things to get them to stop but they're so selfish and won't realise. I hate the people they become when they're drunk. If I had anywhere else to go I would leave in a heartbeat but my closest aunt lives abroad and my grandad has passed away. I have great friends but I can't stay with them, I can only tell them what's going on. I just feel like I have nobody and I really don't know what to do anymore.
I'm afraid that my dad is going to die soon because he won't go the doctors and get help, I can only imagine the damage he's doing to his insides. My mum drinks but not as much as my dad, although I do still think she has a problem.
Sorry for going on, I just really needed to let this all out. I'm getting emotional typing this as my dad is next door, screaming and shouting in his sleep. I'm going to lose it pretty soon, I'm so sick of this. I've stayed strong up until now but I don't know how long I can keep it up.
Thanks to anybody who took the time to read this, it was the only place I could let it all out.
Basically I'm 22 years old and ever since I can remember, my mum and dad have both liked a drink. The worst period I can remember was from when I was in secondary school and I would dread coming home of a night because I knew one or both of them would be drunk.
It started getting bad when I was 13 and I discovered that my mum was seeing someone else. I had to spend New Years Eve alone that year as she brought the guy to our house whilst my dad wasn't home. It's one of my worst memories because I was just a kid and powerless to do anything about it (she was drunk at this time btw) I felt so guilty that the next day I told my dad which caused them to split up but ever since then, they have lived in the same house but just haven't been together and my mum has been seeing the guy ever since, which I think is where most of her drinking stems from.
From then on there was constant arguing in our house, mostly alcohol fueled and when I was in the last couple of years of secondary school I started going off the rails. Misbehaving, smoking weed, skipping school, that sort of thing. But I pulled myself together and went on to pass college and graduate from university this year. I moved out for uni in my final two years and they were the best two years of my life as I was able to get away from everything.
But now uni is over and I've had to move back home and everything is just the way it was, but worse. My dad is a full-blown alcoholic now. He's been banned from driving for a DUI, he goes to the pub first thing of a morning when he finishes work, or often before hand. The other day, I met him from work and he was walking around with vodka in a soft drink bottle, thinking that I didn't realise what he was doing. A couple of weeks ago he got taken into hospital after an alcohol related black out but wouldn't stick around to hear the results of his tests. He becomes verbally abusive and has a horrendous temper when he's drunk and despite everything, he STILL denies he has a drinking problem! He can't go one day without a drink and hides alcohol around the house. Only a couple of hours ago he was falling over in his room next door because he's so drunk.
My mum often drinks in the house and passes out downstairs. One time I came home to find her lying on the floor, I thought she was dead. Another time I came home to find her and the guy she's seeing in bed, both of them drunk. Then the guy started having a go at me and my mum didn't even stick up for me. I hate this guy more than anything as I blame him for a lot of the problems in our family and I will never give them my blessing. I even had to call the police one time when my mum and dad were both drunk and arguing.
This has been going on for so long and I'm just getting to the point where I can't stand it anymore. Don't get me wrong, when they're not drinking they're the best parents in the world but it's becoming less frequent now. I get so angry when they're drunk, I end up kicking doors and punching things. I've tried so many things to get them to stop but they're so selfish and won't realise. I hate the people they become when they're drunk. If I had anywhere else to go I would leave in a heartbeat but my closest aunt lives abroad and my grandad has passed away. I have great friends but I can't stay with them, I can only tell them what's going on. I just feel like I have nobody and I really don't know what to do anymore.
I'm afraid that my dad is going to die soon because he won't go the doctors and get help, I can only imagine the damage he's doing to his insides. My mum drinks but not as much as my dad, although I do still think she has a problem.
Sorry for going on, I just really needed to let this all out. I'm getting emotional typing this as my dad is next door, screaming and shouting in his sleep. I'm going to lose it pretty soon, I'm so sick of this. I've stayed strong up until now but I don't know how long I can keep it up.
Thanks to anybody who took the time to read this, it was the only place I could let it all out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
I have just read your thread too firecallie, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. I just wish people wouldn't be so blinded by their problem and see that they're hurting the people who love them the most. I wish I could help you too. All I can say is, try to stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 43
You too, it sounds like you are living in the same house as your parents. I couldn't imagine. Part of the intervention I tried to do was telling her no contact when she was drinking and that I would never ever go over there when she drank. I cannot take it. Is there anywhere you could go or a friend you could stay with so you don't have to hear it? If not ear plugs and spend the night talking to people here is what I would say.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
I am indeed staying in the same house, I'm struggling to find a job so don't even have any money to move out. I did the same thing with my mum after I found her on the floor. I didn't speak to her for about three months and she did change for a while but slowly slipped back into her old ways. I can't really stay with friends unfortunatley, my best friend has a baby now and her house is really small.
Thanks for the advice callie, I really hope you get some help with your situation soon too! It's horrible being in this situation.
Thanks for the advice callie, I really hope you get some help with your situation soon too! It's horrible being in this situation.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR Family!
We are glad you are here, but I am sorry about the reasons that brought you here.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand what it feels like living with active alcoholism in our lives. You are not alone.
Have you considered attending Alanon meetings in your community? They helped me to learn how to detach from the alcoholic behavior and the members offered me face to face support when I needed to be heard.
This is a link to a permanent post that contains steps that helped me while living with an active alcoholic. Maybe some of these steps can help you too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
We are glad you are here, but I am sorry about the reasons that brought you here.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand what it feels like living with active alcoholism in our lives. You are not alone.
Have you considered attending Alanon meetings in your community? They helped me to learn how to detach from the alcoholic behavior and the members offered me face to face support when I needed to be heard.
This is a link to a permanent post that contains steps that helped me while living with an active alcoholic. Maybe some of these steps can help you too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Nymeria,
Thank you for coming in and sharing your story, which for so many of us is "our story" you are with family here.
I am 49 and can tell you after 40 years of watching my mom consume between 3 & 6 bottles of wine every single day (except when she's in the hospital) you cannot make your parents stop, you have got to take care of you.
Please try and find a place of your own, your being there will only bring you pain, if you must stay then please at the very least eat right, get enough rest, and pray or meditate.
Come back and tell us how your doing, it's always ok to come in and just vent!
Thank you for coming in and sharing your story, which for so many of us is "our story" you are with family here.
I am 49 and can tell you after 40 years of watching my mom consume between 3 & 6 bottles of wine every single day (except when she's in the hospital) you cannot make your parents stop, you have got to take care of you.
Please try and find a place of your own, your being there will only bring you pain, if you must stay then please at the very least eat right, get enough rest, and pray or meditate.
Come back and tell us how your doing, it's always ok to come in and just vent!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Welcome both Nymeria and FireCallie-
I agree with the Al-Anon suggestion. It helped to really start my recovery. There is also a group called ACOA which is known as Adult Children of Alcoholics, which I know many also get a lot out of.
We talk about the Three Cs on this forum a lot
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it
Of course meaning someone else's drinking concerns.
Please keep posting, and take care of you. Others will be along soon who have more direct experience growing up with problem drinking.
I agree with the Al-Anon suggestion. It helped to really start my recovery. There is also a group called ACOA which is known as Adult Children of Alcoholics, which I know many also get a lot out of.
We talk about the Three Cs on this forum a lot
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it
Of course meaning someone else's drinking concerns.
Please keep posting, and take care of you. Others will be along soon who have more direct experience growing up with problem drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Nymeria, being a mom your post touched me so deeply. I am so sorry that you are going through such hard times. Can you get to an Al-Anon meeting? That would really help. Also, read the stickies at the top of this forum as they are full of really helpful information.
It sounds like you need a way to get out your parents' home quickly and get out on your own. What about looking for a live-in nanny position? This might be a fast way to break free and get yourself into a more tolerable situation while you make plans for the future.
Hugs to you. I am so sorry.
It sounds like you need a way to get out your parents' home quickly and get out on your own. What about looking for a live-in nanny position? This might be a fast way to break free and get yourself into a more tolerable situation while you make plans for the future.
Hugs to you. I am so sorry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Sorry for the late reply guys and thank you so much for your kind words of support! I am going to look into al anon meetings in my area, see if there are any I can attend.
Dad has been drinking again today. One minute he's in an okay mood, the next he's just flying off the handle, having a go at me. I'm constantly walking on egg shells around him. I have a job interview tomorrow so fingers crossed I'll get it! Then I can start saving up to get the hell out of here.
Thanks again guys.
Dad has been drinking again today. One minute he's in an okay mood, the next he's just flying off the handle, having a go at me. I'm constantly walking on egg shells around him. I have a job interview tomorrow so fingers crossed I'll get it! Then I can start saving up to get the hell out of here.
Thanks again guys.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I support your plan to get a job, save up, get out. When I came back from college, my stepfather had fallen off the wagon, and it was so depressing to be back in that environment. I was sad, angry, and stressed when I was home. One time when a boyfriend came to pick me up for a first date he had to step over my stepfather's passed out body to get in the house. Great first impression, huh? I know exactly what you're going through, and I know many of us do.
There's no reason for you to accept it or live in their toxic environment longer than you have to. That doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means that you've gotten yourself on a great path with a future and you should protect it with all your might. And do go to Al-Anon.... it really will help you sort things out.
There's no reason for you to accept it or live in their toxic environment longer than you have to. That doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means that you've gotten yourself on a great path with a future and you should protect it with all your might. And do go to Al-Anon.... it really will help you sort things out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by SoloMio 
I support your plan to get a job, save up, get out. When I came back from college, my stepfather had fallen off the wagon, and it was so depressing to be back in that environment. I was sad, angry, and stressed when I was home. One time when a boyfriend came to pick me up for a first date he had to step over my stepfather's passed out body to get in the house. Great first impression, huh? I know exactly what you're going through, and I know many of us do.
There's no reason for you to accept it or live in their toxic environment longer than you have to. That doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means that you've gotten yourself on a great path with a future and you should protect it with all your might. And do go to Al-Anon.... it really will help you sort things out.
There's no reason for you to accept it or live in their toxic environment longer than you have to. That doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means that you've gotten yourself on a great path with a future and you should protect it with all your might. And do go to Al-Anon.... it really will help you sort things out.
People who drink are beyond selfish and their actions poison everybody around them! I feel exactly the same; sad, angry and stressed everytime he's had a drink. He's still drunk now so has obvioulsy been drinking in the house. His room stinks of vodka.I keep telling him to go the doctors but his actions make me question why I should even care sometimes. I just wish he'd leave as he makes me so miserable here. If he wants to drink himself into an early grave he shouldn't drag others down with him.
Sorry for the rant, just need to vent when he's like this. Selfish man, makes me so angry!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by SisDebbie
Glad you are here.
The long and the short of this is that you have to get out, and I promise that you have it within you to find a way to do so. If your house burned down tonight, I guarantee you would find a way to survive. Focus on that and a solution will come your way.
Perhaps you will need to get creative in finding a new home - like going abroad, going back to school, working someplace in exchange for room and board or even house-sitting for people on leave. Or it might end up being something less plush that you are accustomed to - a job you feel is beneath you and inexpensive furnished room. But it sounds like anything would be better than where you are currently living.
Prayers and Hugs and don't ever apologize for coming here to share your experiences. That's why we are all here.
The long and the short of this is that you have to get out, and I promise that you have it within you to find a way to do so. If your house burned down tonight, I guarantee you would find a way to survive. Focus on that and a solution will come your way.
Perhaps you will need to get creative in finding a new home - like going abroad, going back to school, working someplace in exchange for room and board or even house-sitting for people on leave. Or it might end up being something less plush that you are accustomed to - a job you feel is beneath you and inexpensive furnished room. But it sounds like anything would be better than where you are currently living.
Prayers and Hugs and don't ever apologize for coming here to share your experiences. That's why we are all here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Glad you are here.
The long and the short of this is that you have to get out, and I promise that you have it within you to find a way to do so. If your house burned down tonight, I guarantee you would find a way to survive. Focus on that and a solution will come your way.
Perhaps you will need to get creative in finding a new home - like going abroad, going back to school, working someplace in exchange for room and board or even house-sitting for people on leave. Or it might end up being something less plush than you are accustomed to - a job you feel is beneath you and inexpensive furnished room. But it sounds like anything would be better than where you are currently living. As bad as it is, I would consider talking to local charities and churches to see if they can help. Once you acknowledge the current situation is untenable, you will find a way.
Prayers and Hugs and don't ever apologize for coming here to share your experiences. That's why we are all here.
The long and the short of this is that you have to get out, and I promise that you have it within you to find a way to do so. If your house burned down tonight, I guarantee you would find a way to survive. Focus on that and a solution will come your way.
Perhaps you will need to get creative in finding a new home - like going abroad, going back to school, working someplace in exchange for room and board or even house-sitting for people on leave. Or it might end up being something less plush than you are accustomed to - a job you feel is beneath you and inexpensive furnished room. But it sounds like anything would be better than where you are currently living. As bad as it is, I would consider talking to local charities and churches to see if they can help. Once you acknowledge the current situation is untenable, you will find a way.
Prayers and Hugs and don't ever apologize for coming here to share your experiences. That's why we are all here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
Sorry to hear about your situation, doubly difficult if both your parents are drinking.
Good for you getting through University, do you still have any contacts there that might help with employment? or perhaps another course like a PGCE to get you away from this mess. I know funding is tight and fees etc-but as SisDebbie says you could have a good case for some assistance with charities or churches-it may be worth looking into.
This is sure to drag you down, and you are powerless to stop the drinking-so perhaps your first stop should be al anon. Try to think positively about your career prospects-I know it's hard but you'll find a way. Keep talking!
Good for you getting through University, do you still have any contacts there that might help with employment? or perhaps another course like a PGCE to get you away from this mess. I know funding is tight and fees etc-but as SisDebbie says you could have a good case for some assistance with charities or churches-it may be worth looking into.
This is sure to drag you down, and you are powerless to stop the drinking-so perhaps your first stop should be al anon. Try to think positively about your career prospects-I know it's hard but you'll find a way. Keep talking!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
