StudentOfLife22

It was all going really well for me these last three days until I had to venture out of the house to meet my ex for an urgent chat this evening. Things didn’t go well at all and I was so angry in the car on the way home. I managed to make it past two alcohol shops en-route home but the voice in my head kept on and on and eventually I succumbed to it and ended up buying some booze.

When I got home I must have stared at the bottle for at least half an hour before my head told me that I deserved a drink after what I’d just been through. What the hell is wrong with me? Does this mean that I am destined to lock myself away at home for the rest of my days to avoid situations where these emotions, and this voice, make me pick up a drink?

I’m not too familiar with the whole AA system but would this be when a sponsor would be needed? Someone to chat and talk things through with when times are hard?

Sorry for the negative rant but I’m really not sure how I’m going to be able to deal with these types of situations in the future. Life is always going to throw up these challenges, I appreciate that, but this bl()()dy voice in my head always seems to push me towards the booze.

Thanks for your time and continued support.

Nick

TigerLili

What's wrong with you is probably that you're an alcoholic. I liken alcoholism to having a monster in your head that encourages you to drink. Non-alcoholics don't have this. If they don't want to drink, they just don't. Alcoholics have an obsession about alcohol and a compulsion to drink despite knowing better, despite their best intentions etc. Alcoholics brains are wired differently to non-alcoholics. We have an inner compulsion to drink no matter what.


Not at all. I think I can safely say that if you continue to abstain and work on your recovery, you will gradually find yourself thinking less and less about drinking and finding it less and less appealing as an option, regardless of your emotional state. The voice will get quieter, as long as you work on recovering from alcoholism.

A sponor is one option. Joining a recovery programme and talking to other people in the programme, or just reading and posting here will all help. The thing all alcoholics have in common IMO is that we can't do it alone. We need to talk to other recovering alcoholics about our troubles and support each other in the journey.

Yes there will always be challenges but you absolutely can learn to deal with them without alcohol despite the voice. The voice will get quieter and lose power over you in time. There are plenty of people right here on SR who are walking examples of this.

Hang in there!

TigerLili

I suggest popping down to the alcoholism threads and look at the stickies at the top - lots of good information about alcoholism and recovery.

alaskasunshine

I recommend calling your local AA number. They will find someone to call you and talk with you about whats going on. I remember after my first DUI and I was in shock and disbelief and so scared and wanting to drink so badly. Well, a really nice lady called me and she totally understood me and what I was going through. Thats the "magic" off AA. Those people have all been where we are now and somehow, they got sober and all they want to do is help others get sober.

CarolD

Yes AA is my program and you can find so many of us who understand and are willing to assist you thru all sorts of situations..

Please do stop again quickly ...don't let a bumpy time distract you from your goal of sobreity.

StudentOfLife22

Thanks for the kind messages of support people;-))

Just poured the rest of the booze down the sink, going to try and get some sleep and start from day one again tomorrow (well technically today as its just gone midnight in London lol)

Goodnight to all and thanks again

God bless

Nick

Anna

Hi Nick,

I used to automatically react like you did, and turn to alcohol, and I made things worse and worse.

You really can learn to deal with emotional situations in a healthy way. That's what recovery is all about.

Dee74

Hi Nick

I used to have only one way of reacting to situation - I drank.
Getting some more support enabled me to have a few other options and I think it wil help you too - whether it's AA, SMART or some other recovery group, counselling, or whatever.

Posting and reading here too - while you're struggling with those thoughts - can help too

You can do this
D

Hevyn

StudentOfLife - It's good you came here to discuss this. You're at the very beginning of your journey, so be kind & patient with yourself.

After a lifetime of drinking over anything and everything, I found it was a reflex to grab a drink to calm myself. I had to unlearn that behavior. It took me awhile to get it, but I finally realized there's no comfort or solution in the bottom of that glass. You're learning it too, Nick. Glad you are getting some sleep - keep us informed.

Terminally Unique

It takes about four days for the alcohol and all metabolites to fully leave the body, so around day 3 is when you'll really start to feel it, so to speak. In other words, that is when the withdrawal symptoms like anxiety really start to kick in. I used to have many 3 day off and back on cycles over the years before someone pointed this out to me.

Something to keep in mind so you can be prepared.

Alcohol Withdrawal Timeline

sugarbear1

Try attending aa meetings wwith an open mind. I have 300 phone numbers available, over 100 in my phone and 3 phone number lists. I can call and talk to any of these people, or to my sponsor Before I decide to buy a drink. If I am determined to drink, I'd just buy the drink. Today, I have a choice. It wasn't always like this for me. It's a non-issue.

I still call a few people every day.

fallingwater

Good for you for not just dropping into a binge which I probably would have done. Sometimes you need to fall and get up again to realize you have the willpower to beat this thing and I have fallen multiple times within the past year and a half and each time got up and failed again but this time I am determined to go ahead and stop and I know I can do it if not I'll probably die next time and I don't want to do that so get up and start a new knowing you merely slipped but can still turn it around. Have a good day in London!

freshstart57

You are almost there in that you now know that you are of two minds, like all addicts. We continue to drink or use in spite of our better judgement. That voice that tells you to drink, is actually asking for your help to give it a drink and get drunk. It can't do it without your approval and assistance, because you put the cash down on the counter, open the bottle, pour it in a glass and raise it to your lips.

However, you do have better judgement. That voice that it is not your friend, it is your enemy. It will have you drink until everything you value is gone and destroyed.
It is not you, because you want to stop. Stop obeying that voice that just wants to get buzzed and blasted once again, just like it always does.

Your will is stronger than any temptation, Nick. You, like any adult, can think of hundreds of things that you won't do, even though you might be tempted. Make picking up one of those things.

firstbuckles

I know exactly what you are going through. I have so many personal things I'm going through right now and I honestly just felt like taking a drink. Thankfully I haven't yet and I don't plan on it.

When we face difficult times it just seems too easy to reach for a bottle. Then we wake up the next day and the problems we had the day before are now times ten...trying to recall what exactly we did or said that we wouldn't normally have said in the right state of mind. That is what keeps me from drinking.

When I was drinking I hurt my husband, my sisters, my daughter, my mother...my friends. I have even ruined friendships because of my drinking. That was far worse than the problem I started out with.

I pray you wake up in the morning glad you didn't finish that bottle. Your struggle is like mine. Hard to face problems sober but the problems become worse if we don't face them sober. Congratulations on pouring out that bottle! You did the right thing.

ACT10Npack

I was just like Anna and Dee74. When something went wrong, I wanted to drink and forget about it. Not learning how to deal with my emotions. When I started to drink my thoughts went away and I felt better with myself. After a few days, I got sick from drinking too much. Took me 4 days to recover and it was never fun when that happens.

I always find that the only person I hurt is myself when I drink that way.

IndaMiricale

hi welcome, i am also AA er,
but that means nothing our addiction has no walls hug


i hope you keep this journey of life going foward , please feel free to talk to me if you so choose hug

rhcpchick88

I know EXACTLY what you're going through too. I just went back to AA on Monday after being out for a year and a half - and on day 3 (Wednesday) I had such bad anxiety and bad feelings guess where my mind took me? Ah yes, the booze. So I drank again. It's such an automatic reaction because i've been doing it for so long. Every feeling I felt, I drank away. And now the feelings are starting to flood back again because i've numbed them for so long. So what do I feel like doing? Drinking them away. I'm struggling with it right now but I've been there before and I've made it before - as so many others have made it too. The good thing is that there's so much support from others like us out there. I don't know where i'd be without it. Hospitalized maybe... dead... in jail... who knows?? But it is doable and there is hope - there is always hope - so stick in there, i'm glad you poured the rest of the bottle out.

StudentOfLife22

Thanks again to all of you for the words of support. I woke up today to a lovely day in London (sans hangover) and so relieved that I poured that bottle away.

Planning to hit a meeting today and keep pressing on. It would have to be a Friday night tonight though which was always my worst;-((

Luckily there's a local meeting at 8pm so I'll attend that and then get back on SR I think.

Have a great day/night all

(QUOTE - freshstart

That voice that tells you to drink, is actually asking for your help to give it a drink and get drunk. It can't do it without your approval and assistance, because you put the cash down on the counter, open the bottle, pour it in a glass and raise it to your lips.)

Freshstart - I have never thought of THE VOICE in the way you just described. WOW - what a truly insightful comment which I will always remember - thank you so much indeed my friend;-))

Nick

peaceful1

The worst thing that you can do is to feel guilty about it, because then that little voice that you mentioned has just come in the back door again. Guilt is a wasted emotion. Just know that you are not perfect, be gentle with yourself and continue on in the direction of your hearts desire. I know for me the hardest part of using alchohol to escape was the guilt I felt. Once I moved beyond that to being more accepting and loving toward myself things changed for the better. Be well....

IndaMiricale

Well done a day down just one more moment to go hug


the worst thing you can do is pick up that drink, you are allowed all those feelings , all of them , just dont hold on to them hug

keep goin and keep comin back