Day 10 After relapase
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Shawnee, KS
Posts: 8
Day 10 After relapase
Hey there everyone. Just wanted to say im on day 10 after a relapse after almost 5 months sober. Im 29 and that five months is the longest i have ever been sober since i strted drinking around 14. I'm disappointed in myself but I have learned i need to forgive myself. im more determined than ever now. i know alcohol will lead me to jail or the graveyard. I thought I could "drink like a gentleman" but it is not possible. A ******* huge train wreck occurs every time i drink. the shame, guilt, depression is all there so fresh for me that Monday morning after drinking. I have been going to AA usually twice a week but wasnt completely honest with myself and knew in the back of my mind that i wanted to make a little progress and then drink again. I can honestly say now that i want nothing to do with alcohol. im on probation and thank god i didnt have to take a UA till 8 days after i drank. i have so much to lose by drinking but yet i still did it. I have to much potential to throw my life away. Im a good person with a good heart but have this major character flaw.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hmm, alcoholism isn't a character defect. It's a disease.
And, yes, it does make us behaving in baffling ways. I'm glad that you have become more honest with yourself and your recovery journey.
And, yes, it does make us behaving in baffling ways. I'm glad that you have become more honest with yourself and your recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 223
I felt horrible the first couple of times I relapsed after deciding to give sobriety a try. But I learned a lot from those experiences and obviously I had something else to see before I could move on with my recovery. I'm still new to this whole sobriety thing, still learning, and there will definitely be some bumps in the road. As long as we can pick ourselves up, dust off and carry on, we'll make it! Good luck to you and don't beat yourself up too much.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Shawnee, KS
Posts: 8
yeah carrying on is big. i cant beat myself up. thanks for your responses it hleps me in that im not the only one that has relapsed. It was hard admitting in a meeting that I relapsed but it was something that needed to be done. its always after the hangover is gone and you are feeling better that you need to remember that monday morning feeling. They try to make drinking look so tempting in the ads and everything but I need to see it for what it is for me which is a dangerous substance that will ruin my life.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Shawneeboy -
Glad you're back! Give yourself some credit for that, and for those 5 months you had - every day sober is a victory for us.
I did all my socializing with alcohol, too, but in the end almost all my drinking was alone and I actually avoided people. I even tried to avoid myself......
When I'm tempted to think in terms of the "good times," I do what you're doing and remind myself that I paid a huge price for those times. I come here every day and read about what alcohol does to people's lives. I remind myself that I want more than that - I want to be more than I am today, and that's only possible if I stay sober.
One day at a time......
Glad you're back! Give yourself some credit for that, and for those 5 months you had - every day sober is a victory for us.
I did all my socializing with alcohol, too, but in the end almost all my drinking was alone and I actually avoided people. I even tried to avoid myself......
When I'm tempted to think in terms of the "good times," I do what you're doing and remind myself that I paid a huge price for those times. I come here every day and read about what alcohol does to people's lives. I remind myself that I want more than that - I want to be more than I am today, and that's only possible if I stay sober.
One day at a time......
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 145
shawnee, i know how you feel.. since ive come back into the rooms earlier this year, after a pretty long relapse after 3 yrs sober, the most time ive been able to build up is 37 days, which i just blew on a 3 day binge, would have been 4, but i was too sick to even go to the store for a drink.. im on day 3 right now and still feel all of the same and the guilt.. especially about being "that guy".. i hear all the dont beat yourselves up in the world.. but ive already been told that im "that guy"..
not trying to steal youre thread, just that i relate.. i quit (again) this time because i was sick and tired of being sick and tired.. now its progressed so fast and so far that its truly to "drink is to die" now.. im also 29.. keep your head up bro..
not trying to steal youre thread, just that i relate.. i quit (again) this time because i was sick and tired of being sick and tired.. now its progressed so fast and so far that its truly to "drink is to die" now.. im also 29.. keep your head up bro..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Shawnee, KS
Posts: 8
thanks jjk. yeah i was "that guy" to. Passed out outside a Quiktrip. Its embaressing sp? but at the same time I need to use it as a turning point. I could of been easily arrested cops are always in and out of Quiktrip. Being on probation I would of gone to jail no doubt. Someone is watching over me above maybe my dad. Im hitting up a meeting tonight and going to the gym afterwards. Anything is better than alcohol...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
I am back to day 1. I am having such a hard time today dealing with the fact that I relapsed AGAIN last night. I was sober for a little over 6 months and I can't even explain why I picked up the drink last night. My first AA meeting was 5-6 years ago and I have had these little collections of sobriety time, longest being a year and a half, and I'm back to square 1 again. I just can't seem to get over the anxiety that I made that decision last night. Why do I hit the self-destruct button. I had every opportunity to not do what I was doing and go to a meeting or call someone or leave, but instead I drank and I'm at a loss for words. Its like it wasn't even me picking up the drink, although it definitely was. I didn't drink that much last night and I felt so sick this morning. I just can't believe myself....
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