halvsie

So, my xabf is coming tomorrow to pick up at least his clothes. His friend is accompanying him so xabf can feel supported because, now, I'm not to be trusted. Whatev.....so xabf suggested I let his friend tell me about his experiences in alateen. Hmmmmm......I thought, I'll bite, cuz I want to know what this is all about. Said friend stated he was given a sponsor in alateen who told him he HAD to cut his AF out of his life. Friend stated I need to worry about al anon members projecting their life problems onto mine and to watch out. OMG!! Not that I believed any of this bunk, but, GISH! Friend even said his mom never got over her anger and bitterness about his dad and has much guilt and remorse for not sticking it out with him.

Well....look at that. Codependent/enabling/probably alcoholic friend still campaigning to save his AF. Well, I'll be....who woulda thunk it. I just listened and commented, "That's interesting. So, Wednesday at 1130, right?" UGH.

suki44883

Just let it go in one ear and out the other. BTW, do you have anyone you could have there with you when they come to get the stuff? I think it would be a good idea, if for no other reason than to move things along in a timely manner. Know what I mean?

m1k3

I agree, you don't want to be there by yourself. Not that anything would happen but what if. BTW, what is Gish?

Your friend,

BP44

Why not put everything outside the front door?

halvsie

I believe I'll be ok tomorrow. I'm not scared and not interested in starting a fight. Already have a plan of doing some office work while they are collecting his things. He can control his possessions by collecting what I've already packed up and the odds and ends he can take with him. I'm not going to take that away from him. It's the only thing he has right now. How's that detaching with love and compassion for the alcoholic? I feel for him. He's a very sweet guy under all that misery and he continues to do something that makes his loved ones passionately dislike him.

But that's as far as my feelings go for him. I feel very detached about the moving of his property. I'm not feeling bad about cutting ties either. I've made my decisions and I'm good with all of it.

"Gish" is a type of sound you make while rolling the eyes, snort/exhale, and that sh/soft G sound. It's a term similar to 'whatever.'

blwninthewind

Your still enabling.
Put the stuff outside the door and go somewhere else.
You don't have to listen to his crap or anyone else's.
You have to decide whether you want this in your life anymore. I know you say you don't but your not walking the walk. Call your sponser meet for dinner, go to an alnon meeting, go walk around walmart...whatever but don't be there when they come...IF they come (and I doubt they will.).
I'm trying to force you to see what your choosing by even allowing all this crazy in your life.

m1k3

Thanks for the info, I had it as God ? Sh1t Head. Couldn't come up with something for the I.

Putting his stuff outside the door isn't a bad idea. My AW did that to me when I moved out on her. She could have kept the ice cream though.

Your friend,

halvsie

@M1k3: I can see how you got that by how you spell your name!LOL UGH, too bad about the melted ice cream!!

@blwninthewind: I love my al anon groups and my sponsor. My sponsor helps me to be more flexible, supportive, and compassionate when I'm stressed by xabf. My group says no one should give advice, only suggestions. It is my job to decide whether or not I use a suggestion.

The other reason I love my group is because I change in my own time frame. And I don't have to make choices or agree with someone else's viewpoint in order to make them feel whatever it is they are trying to obtain.

Thank you for your concern and support. I've made my decision about how to handle this part of him moving out of my house. No one else has to like it....I know he doesn't!LOL If I put his stuff outside, then I would be enabling him because it would be provoking an argument, for which he loves to engage me so he can be a victim or a martyr. I'm not doing that to me or to him anymore...well, at least as best as I can. Today, I am breaking that cycle/dynamic for me. I hate the crazy arguing and crazy thinking. True, I could put all his stuff outside and avoid the whole thing, but that doesn't teach me how to emotionally detach while he is around. I'm up for the challenge. I'm up for the growth I can gain from today if I choose.

m1k3

((((hugs)))) and I hope it goes well.

Your friend,

Programmatic

m1k3

So, I looked it up and here is what I got. I am willing to be sigh was the intended usage.

Cool, I like learning new stuff but I am disappointed that sh1t head wasn't involved.



gish
Contents [hide]
1 English
1.1 Etymology
1.2 Noun
1.3 Anagrams
2 Navajo
2.1 Pronunciation
2.2 Noun
[edit]English


Wikipedia has an article on:
Gish (slang)
[edit]Etymology
The term originates in the Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) game, where it originally referred to a Githyanki fighter/wizard combination.
[edit]Noun
gish (plural gishes)
(role-playing games) A magician, or character that is skilled in both physical combat and the use of magic. Most gish characters use their magical abilities to increase their own personal combat abilities (known as "buffing").
(slang) An outsider.
[edit]Anagrams
sigh
[edit]Navajo

[edit]Pronunciation
IPA: [kɪ̀ʃ]~[kɣɪ̀ʃ]
[edit]Noun
gish
digging stick, cane, staff, crutch

halvsie

Love the D&D reference!! Yeah, I guess it is like a 'sigh.'

halvsie

HAHAHAHAHA! I'm laughing! xabf called to say he can't come over because he has DIARRHEA!! Hmmmm.....can we say hungover? I didn't ask because his addiction is none of my business, but diarrhea was a big excuse/reason when he lived here!! And he knows nothin' gets me angrier than this stupid diarrhea excuse! It was nice to hear him saying HE was working HIMSELF up to be anxious and it wasn't me....prolly quackery, but, I'll take that one literally.

@M1k3: maybe sh1thead was appropriate!!!!LOLOLOLOL GISH!!

So, next wednesday. I'm cool with that. It's just stuff and doesn't mean anything to me relationship-wise, even if it does to him. Just because he says it, doesn't mean it's true. And it gives me more time to organize his stuff so he doesn't go "shopping" in my stuff accidentally. What is most important is that HE and his addictions are GONE!!

I'm deciding this needed to happen today. I feel as flexible as Gumby and as serene as a cloud in a beautiful summer sky! What an exercise. Thank you, Universe.

Programmatic

mmm, I love the smell of gratitude in the morning.

searchbug

maybe this makes no sense to you...or it makes all the sense in the world.
I went to spend some time with my abf (no, I don't have the strength yet to label xabf) last night at his request. His reason?? He was ready to flip out, over all the persons that "need" him, but most of all, his drinking buddy, who sadly is 10 times worse than the abf. If the buddy were another woman, he could easily be called an obsessed stalker. Calls 15-20 times a day.
So, my abf sits there, freaking that he can't take it anymore..the buddy is fried...the buddy is gonna die of his drinking/drugs...abf is FED UP, but knows the buddy won't admit to his problems, until he wants to...
And I had to keep from laughing out loud..thinking to myself.. the pot is calling the kettle black, and until someone lets the buddy hit bottom, he won't do anything.
*rolling my eyes*
If you can't or don't have access to al anon, there is here. I don't have a vehicle...so here is the best I have. And I am grateful for it.

choublak

Ew...the first time anyone, a boyfriend or otherwise, even tries to tell me about bathroom problems, I'm like, don't tell me, I don't need to know that.