I am so damn sad!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
I am so damn sad!
When it the sadness go? Damn, Im so sad it makes me mad!
I just want one glimpse of hope, of happiness, something to remind me this wont last forever.
Im doing everything my program tells me to,,meetings, steps, service, and private therapy, but the sadness still looms,,,and dont even talk about lonliness, already posted thread about that.
I want my best friend back, but that wont ever be possible. He is not the man i thought and not healthy for me. But how do I live without him after so many years together????
Shi*,,this sucks,,,,Ive never had it this hard before,,,ever, and I just want to spit in the wind!
Thanks for listening,,need some encouraging words
I just want one glimpse of hope, of happiness, something to remind me this wont last forever.
Im doing everything my program tells me to,,meetings, steps, service, and private therapy, but the sadness still looms,,,and dont even talk about lonliness, already posted thread about that.
I want my best friend back, but that wont ever be possible. He is not the man i thought and not healthy for me. But how do I live without him after so many years together????
Shi*,,this sucks,,,,Ive never had it this hard before,,,ever, and I just want to spit in the wind!
Thanks for listening,,need some encouraging words
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: OH
Posts: 24
Hey, I'm with you right now. I've barely lifted a finger at work today, just stared at this computer. I was out to lunch today and just looked at all the couples that was around me. Most of 'em was laughing together and I was wondering why I couldn't be like that. Also, I look at the young and wonder if they'll be together in 20 yrs. from now. I look at the old couples and wonder how they stayed together. Sorry, just ramblin. I know it's hard right now, but for me i know it's gotta get better, can't get any worse. We just gotta try.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
jewels,,,just sent ya PM,,let see if i can fig out how to use it.
Its amazing how feelings can change so fast,,,was "stable" this AM, but in afternoon, going downhill fast. Sadness and depression hitting,,,,just went to grocery store,,walking like i was a zombie, filled with melancholy. Just kept saying "get thru this day" and feeling like Im just going thru the motions of everyday life, with no feelings, no zest or desire anymore.
That stinks!
Its amazing how feelings can change so fast,,,was "stable" this AM, but in afternoon, going downhill fast. Sadness and depression hitting,,,,just went to grocery store,,walking like i was a zombie, filled with melancholy. Just kept saying "get thru this day" and feeling like Im just going thru the motions of everyday life, with no feelings, no zest or desire anymore.
That stinks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hi 12 StepGirl,
You hang in there!! These feelings will not last forever. Keep working your program and coming back here for encouragement.
Remember to take baby steps....one day at a time! I find myself watching other couples and wondering what it would be like too. I have been married 26 years to my husband who is a alcoholic. When I start to dream about what could be I just remember how blessed I am to have what I do. Take care!
hugs and prayers,
matters
You hang in there!! These feelings will not last forever. Keep working your program and coming back here for encouragement.
Remember to take baby steps....one day at a time! I find myself watching other couples and wondering what it would be like too. I have been married 26 years to my husband who is a alcoholic. When I start to dream about what could be I just remember how blessed I am to have what I do. Take care!
hugs and prayers,
matters
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
I highly recommend
the thread in the Power Posts at the top of the page entitled "How to have fun when you don't really feel like it". We are responsible for our own happiness. And there are a lot of things we can do to light up our own lives. Other people may let you down, but you can always be there for yourself. Life is too short to waste it on sadness. Find a way to let your light shine and celebrate yourself.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
thanks , Matters and Gabe,
I need to keep hearing those things. My mind forgets what is right and true....this disease Sux the life out of me sometimes.
I know Im responsible for me, and lately Ive taken alot of responsibility, doing all the right things,,,and I thinkright now Im resentful of *having* to do all that. The life I led before allowed me to lean on people and depend onthem, until TA DAAAA, they evaporated.
Its hard, this adjusting to life onmy own, as a big girl. I wanna go back to being a little girl....but that would mean going back to being *dependant* on somebody,,ie; just like the A is dependant on HIS/HER drug for comfort.
Ahh phooey!
I need to keep hearing those things. My mind forgets what is right and true....this disease Sux the life out of me sometimes.
I know Im responsible for me, and lately Ive taken alot of responsibility, doing all the right things,,,and I thinkright now Im resentful of *having* to do all that. The life I led before allowed me to lean on people and depend onthem, until TA DAAAA, they evaporated.
Its hard, this adjusting to life onmy own, as a big girl. I wanna go back to being a little girl....but that would mean going back to being *dependant* on somebody,,ie; just like the A is dependant on HIS/HER drug for comfort.
Ahh phooey!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 16
Christina,
Your answer lies, I think, in your question. It will get better and the fact that you asked the question proves it.
You seem to have a really great grasp of what is going on. Just not quite sure of how to turn that graps into something useful? Sorry, I don't know that either.
But, knowing what's wrong - I believe that's the biggest part of the battle. As long as you know what you are looking for, I am sure you will eventually find it.
Your answer lies, I think, in your question. It will get better and the fact that you asked the question proves it.
You seem to have a really great grasp of what is going on. Just not quite sure of how to turn that graps into something useful? Sorry, I don't know that either.
But, knowing what's wrong - I believe that's the biggest part of the battle. As long as you know what you are looking for, I am sure you will eventually find it.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Hi 12
First of all, sadness and emotional pain are normal. And the expression of sadness can also be extremely healthy. Yes, healthy. M. Scott Peck wrote in his book, The Road Less Traveled, that the tendency to avoid problems and emotional pain is the primary basis for all human mental illness.
Don't be so hard on yourself because what you have been through was difficult.
I still hurt from my experience however I am doing great now and I am here to let you know, "THIS TO SHALL PASS".
It takes time. Love yourself and take it one day at a time. I know it can be frustrating but nothing happens over night you know.
Believe in yourself and know that you are loveable and special. It truly does start with you. Be strong.
Blessing and Huggs!!
Don't be so hard on yourself because what you have been through was difficult.
I still hurt from my experience however I am doing great now and I am here to let you know, "THIS TO SHALL PASS".
It takes time. Love yourself and take it one day at a time. I know it can be frustrating but nothing happens over night you know.
Believe in yourself and know that you are loveable and special. It truly does start with you. Be strong.
Blessing and Huggs!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: new mexico
Posts: 42
12 Step Girl---Hi!!!!
New to this. First time I've posted, yet so identified with your feelings wanted to get my feet wet. Just returned from a meeting and feeling some better. YET.... You are so correct about it s**king. Everyone has given you such wonderful words of wisdom, but how do we live without them? Funny---I was living without her even when with her!?!
Doing the same thing over and over while always expecting different results. Isn't that the definition of insanity?
This is my tenth year in Al-Anon. Still making many of the same mistakes. Scares me to think how bad things would be without a program. My salvation has become meetings and finding a group that has been there and understands me. They may not be able to "fix" me, but they care!!!! Something I don't often find with my partner/ex-partner.
Like you, have not had it "so bad" since 10-years ago when found Al-Anon. Does it mean this is my relapse?
She has been clean for five months and I've never made so many mistakes. Knowing better.... hasn't stopped me from screwing up everytime I turn around. Why is that??? Must be that disease I have.... Thankfully, with a program I've got the tools to work on myself. Since finding this forum have found many additional insights. Your post and questions really helped me today. Thank You. The encouraging words you received were just what I needed to hear.
She also was my best friend. Now she calls me her "best friend."
Amusing.... Now that she is in recovery and working that Thirteenth Step again, how those words "best friend" take on a whole new meaning. Maybe you and I should try being our own best friend for a while.
Again, thanks for your post and hang in there.
New to this. First time I've posted, yet so identified with your feelings wanted to get my feet wet. Just returned from a meeting and feeling some better. YET.... You are so correct about it s**king. Everyone has given you such wonderful words of wisdom, but how do we live without them? Funny---I was living without her even when with her!?!
Doing the same thing over and over while always expecting different results. Isn't that the definition of insanity?
This is my tenth year in Al-Anon. Still making many of the same mistakes. Scares me to think how bad things would be without a program. My salvation has become meetings and finding a group that has been there and understands me. They may not be able to "fix" me, but they care!!!! Something I don't often find with my partner/ex-partner.
Like you, have not had it "so bad" since 10-years ago when found Al-Anon. Does it mean this is my relapse?
She has been clean for five months and I've never made so many mistakes. Knowing better.... hasn't stopped me from screwing up everytime I turn around. Why is that??? Must be that disease I have.... Thankfully, with a program I've got the tools to work on myself. Since finding this forum have found many additional insights. Your post and questions really helped me today. Thank You. The encouraging words you received were just what I needed to hear.
She also was my best friend. Now she calls me her "best friend."
Amusing.... Now that she is in recovery and working that Thirteenth Step again, how those words "best friend" take on a whole new meaning. Maybe you and I should try being our own best friend for a while.
Again, thanks for your post and hang in there.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 19
all of your posts hit home with me. I am not yet in a program but I am working on it. thank God I found this site. I just want to feel again, not numb, but actually FEEL. I know I am a good person, just has some issues to work through and some lapses in judgement. We will make it through. You all are in my every prayer
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Christina,
Boy do I identify with your feelings. We need to hang in there because the change is coming. We have to feel these feelings to get through to the other side. We can make it!
Boy do I identify with your feelings. We need to hang in there because the change is coming. We have to feel these feelings to get through to the other side. We can make it!
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: madison, connecticut
Posts: 21
I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the process of getting a divorce from my alcoholic husband. Just when I think I'm doing great, it hits me. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I can relate all too well. Good Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 87
Wow what abunch of great support,,thank you guys!
And Larry, Im especially gratefuk for your post,,and it being your first, congrats! Your words were very touching. Its really a blessing to know that there are others who can identify with my pain. It means Im *normal*.
I felt bit better after Al Anon meeting last night, but as sure as the sun rose, my sadness returned. Not wanting to stay home and isolate, I drove 1 hr to Boca Raton to see my FORMER BF,,not an A, but very def. a codie. Well, as Ive always known, he is not a bakery, yet I went looking for bread!
He was glad to see me, and tried hard to listen, but couldnt help becoming needy himself, wanting me to love him again etc...He couldnt focus on my need to cry and vent, just needed to have his feelings acknolwedged. THats when I remembered he is a hardware store and I could obtain no bread (Sympathy or support) there.
I left, with few hard feelings, thank god, and flew home to catch noon al anon meeting. Dumped on them at the meeting that I am in the *S***hole* and feeling sad, lonely all the while the Ex is doing what he wants, when he wants and all that......how glad I was to hear someone else said she was in the S***hole to.
It really does help to know others feel the same way sometimes.
Came home, got on my knees, cried, asked god to help me,,cried some more,,,threw a few trinkets on the floor to release the stress, called 2 al anoners, no one home,,then realized I hadnt eaten today!
Remembering HALT (Hungry, Angrym Lonely, Tired),,,I realized I had em all. So i just ate, and guess what,,,,feel a tiny bit better!!
could be luck, or that I just read all these great posts and makes me feel good!
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And Larry, Im especially gratefuk for your post,,and it being your first, congrats! Your words were very touching. Its really a blessing to know that there are others who can identify with my pain. It means Im *normal*.
I felt bit better after Al Anon meeting last night, but as sure as the sun rose, my sadness returned. Not wanting to stay home and isolate, I drove 1 hr to Boca Raton to see my FORMER BF,,not an A, but very def. a codie. Well, as Ive always known, he is not a bakery, yet I went looking for bread!
He was glad to see me, and tried hard to listen, but couldnt help becoming needy himself, wanting me to love him again etc...He couldnt focus on my need to cry and vent, just needed to have his feelings acknolwedged. THats when I remembered he is a hardware store and I could obtain no bread (Sympathy or support) there.
I left, with few hard feelings, thank god, and flew home to catch noon al anon meeting. Dumped on them at the meeting that I am in the *S***hole* and feeling sad, lonely all the while the Ex is doing what he wants, when he wants and all that......how glad I was to hear someone else said she was in the S***hole to.
It really does help to know others feel the same way sometimes.
Came home, got on my knees, cried, asked god to help me,,cried some more,,,threw a few trinkets on the floor to release the stress, called 2 al anoners, no one home,,then realized I hadnt eaten today!
Remembering HALT (Hungry, Angrym Lonely, Tired),,,I realized I had em all. So i just ate, and guess what,,,,feel a tiny bit better!!
could be luck, or that I just read all these great posts and makes me feel good!
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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