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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 12
New Here
Hi, I'm new here. I've read the forums for quite a while now, but this is my first time posting. I've struggled with my drinking for several years now, always trying to limit or "cut down" and succeeding sometimes, but never for long. I don't drink during the week, but have spent many a weekend in a blackout/ binge. I haven't been arrested or lost jobs and friends because of my drinking, but I can certainly point to issues in my life that drinking has caused, and I don't want to "hit bottom" before things change. I'm just having a lot of trouble taking that first step - I feel guilty and scared the day after a binge, but then without fail a few days later I'm feeling better and all those negative feelings get forgotten, and I drink again. I'm 25 now, and already regret the time I've lost to drinking, along with all of the dangerous/stupid things I've done in a blackout. Any help with taking that first step would be much appreciated...right now I'm just feeling pretty confused.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome to SR Matilda. This is a wonderful place where you'll find plenty of support & friendship. When I came here 4 yrs. ago I was drinking round the clock and didn't see any way out. I found so much encouragement and hope that I was able to finally stop and stay stopped. I wasn't alone any more.
I was a binge drinker in the beginning, too - but as they say, alcohol is a progressive disease. Over time, it got it's grips into me and I wasn't able to control the amounts I was drinking. So - it's good that you're taking a cold, hard look at your drinking habits now. You can turn it all around and have a great life. Congratulations on your decision.
I was a binge drinker in the beginning, too - but as they say, alcohol is a progressive disease. Over time, it got it's grips into me and I wasn't able to control the amounts I was drinking. So - it's good that you're taking a cold, hard look at your drinking habits now. You can turn it all around and have a great life. Congratulations on your decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi and welcome Matilda,
Congratualations on getting here and recognizing you have a drinking problem and that you want to do something about it.
Lots of good advice here and loads of experience that you can relate to.
I got sober with AA and am staying sober with the help of AA, sober recovery and recovery broadcast.
I couldn't do it on my own. I am so glad I don't wake up in the morning feeling guilty and ashamed. It is so freeing.
I did have cravings in the early months and still have but to a much lesser degree and are easily overcome.
Welcome aboard
CaiHong
Congratualations on getting here and recognizing you have a drinking problem and that you want to do something about it.
Lots of good advice here and loads of experience that you can relate to.
I got sober with AA and am staying sober with the help of AA, sober recovery and recovery broadcast.
I couldn't do it on my own. I am so glad I don't wake up in the morning feeling guilty and ashamed. It is so freeing.
I did have cravings in the early months and still have but to a much lesser degree and are easily overcome.
Welcome aboard
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
oh to be twenty five again.
if you can see it now you are one step ahead.
start to figure out if this is what you want for your life.
keeping in mind that alcoholism is a progressive thing, it gets worse and worse needing more and more.
if i could do it all again, there are many things i would do differently.
I didnt want to hit bottom either. I wanted to stop before i hit.
But mine did happen. I hit bottom.
you will know your bottom when it comes. it is different for everyone.
get out while you can. a brilliant life lies ahead.
if you can see it now you are one step ahead.
start to figure out if this is what you want for your life.
keeping in mind that alcoholism is a progressive thing, it gets worse and worse needing more and more.
if i could do it all again, there are many things i would do differently.
I didnt want to hit bottom either. I wanted to stop before i hit.
But mine did happen. I hit bottom.
you will know your bottom when it comes. it is different for everyone.
get out while you can. a brilliant life lies ahead.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
hi Matilda 
Read around and post as much as you like - there's a lot of ideas and support here
It all started for me with a commitment to do all I could not to drink today...and repeat that tomorrow.
You're not alone in this - it's great you're here
Welcome!
D
Read around and post as much as you like - there's a lot of ideas and support here
It all started for me with a commitment to do all I could not to drink today...and repeat that tomorrow.
You're not alone in this - it's great you're here
Welcome!
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Matilda and Welcome,
The blackouts were the scariest thing for me, and even after I stopped drinking, I would have moments when I thought back on those hours in my life when I had absolutely no idea what I did.
You need to really want to stop drinking and to make recovery a priority, but it is so worth it! You can do this and I hope you continue to read and post.
The blackouts were the scariest thing for me, and even after I stopped drinking, I would have moments when I thought back on those hours in my life when I had absolutely no idea what I did.
You need to really want to stop drinking and to make recovery a priority, but it is so worth it! You can do this and I hope you continue to read and post.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family.
I tried too often to moderate but never managed it very long. Finally quit for good 21 months ago and life has never been better. I hope you have the support you need to quit for good. There are many ways to get sober. I see an addiction counselor once a week and come to SR every day. I love being sober!
The biggest thing that keeps me sober (and happy) is expressing/feeling gratitude every day. When I'm grateful for all I have (and it's a lot) I'm much less likely to screw it up by drinking.
I tried too often to moderate but never managed it very long. Finally quit for good 21 months ago and life has never been better. I hope you have the support you need to quit for good. There are many ways to get sober. I see an addiction counselor once a week and come to SR every day. I love being sober!The biggest thing that keeps me sober (and happy) is expressing/feeling gratitude every day. When I'm grateful for all I have (and it's a lot) I'm much less likely to screw it up by drinking.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're here, Matilda!
I think we can all relate..... Once we have a drink or two in our system, chances are we won't stop. Staying away from the first drink is the only way I can avoid the misery of alcohol.
It's scary at first, but if we can do it, you can too! Welcome to the group!
I think we can all relate..... Once we have a drink or two in our system, chances are we won't stop. Staying away from the first drink is the only way I can avoid the misery of alcohol.
It's scary at first, but if we can do it, you can too! Welcome to the group!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 12
Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies - it is really appreciated. Since I can sometimes still have just a drink or two and then stop, I guess I'm still wondering if I can moderate. Is there some kind of line that gets crossed, or how do I know if I really have a problem or not? How did some of you know? Thanks again for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Since I can sometimes still have just a drink or two and then stop, I guess I'm still wondering if I can moderate.
I clung to those few nights over the mounting evidence of many hundreds of bad nights...
It's like throwing dice - throw them often enough and you'll have a few wins I guess...but that doesn't mean we can ever hope to control the dice and make them do what we want without fail.
it's a crap shoot.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-21-2011 at 10:16 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Well, I was able to moderate sometimes. But saying that is sort of like saying someone is "a little pregnant." If you're not in control all the time, you're not in control, period. And the longer I kept trying, the more out of control it got.
Here's the good news: I'm really glad I finally decided to just quit, once and for all. I thought I would miss it. I thought my life would be boring and kind of empty without a drink. I thought good times would be less fun, and bad times would be harder to deal with. I was wrong about all that. It wasn't easy, and it was certainly an adjustment, but everything is better now that I quit. Seriously—everything.
Welcome to SR, Matilda. Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around.
Here's the good news: I'm really glad I finally decided to just quit, once and for all. I thought I would miss it. I thought my life would be boring and kind of empty without a drink. I thought good times would be less fun, and bad times would be harder to deal with. I was wrong about all that. It wasn't easy, and it was certainly an adjustment, but everything is better now that I quit. Seriously—everything.
Welcome to SR, Matilda. Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
Posts: 80
Hi there, Matilda 99, and welcome,
I assure you that non-alcoholics do not think about or dwell upon alcohol. So this may be one indication that you could be an alcoholic. God knows how many times we alcoholics tried to stop or limit our alcoholic intake, but couldn't. I thought my life would be boring, glum, and depressing without alcohol. Instead, my life has been good and filled with joy and happiness. I don't need alcohol or drugs to be on a high.
When I went to my first meeting, a fellow member asked "Are you willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking?" I said YES, because I was near my bottom, mentally and physically. I knew I couldn't continue to drink and yet I also knew I couldn't stop on my own. L knew I was headed for insanity or death. My drinking career lasted only 5 years,
but... In the beginning, it gave me courage and brought me out of my shell. Towards the end, all I could think about was getting that next drink. Nothing or no one else mattered.
When you read or hear some of the alcoholic stories, look for the similarities rather than the differences. I bet you'll be surprised.
Please keep coming back... we care.
Luv2all
I assure you that non-alcoholics do not think about or dwell upon alcohol. So this may be one indication that you could be an alcoholic. God knows how many times we alcoholics tried to stop or limit our alcoholic intake, but couldn't. I thought my life would be boring, glum, and depressing without alcohol. Instead, my life has been good and filled with joy and happiness. I don't need alcohol or drugs to be on a high.
When I went to my first meeting, a fellow member asked "Are you willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking?" I said YES, because I was near my bottom, mentally and physically. I knew I couldn't continue to drink and yet I also knew I couldn't stop on my own. L knew I was headed for insanity or death. My drinking career lasted only 5 years,
but... In the beginning, it gave me courage and brought me out of my shell. Towards the end, all I could think about was getting that next drink. Nothing or no one else mattered.
When you read or hear some of the alcoholic stories, look for the similarities rather than the differences. I bet you'll be surprised.
Please keep coming back... we care.
Luv2all
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi Matilda - Welcome to SR!
The first step I think would be getting rid of any booze in the house and then making a resolve to never drink again. After that, I would recommend checking out a support group meeting such as AA. Many of us (but not all) need face to face support in addition to great places like SR in order to stay sober.
Best wishes to you, the best is yet to come.
The first step I think would be getting rid of any booze in the house and then making a resolve to never drink again. After that, I would recommend checking out a support group meeting such as AA. Many of us (but not all) need face to face support in addition to great places like SR in order to stay sober.
Best wishes to you, the best is yet to come.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Matilda99 
I guess I'm still wondering if I can moderate. Is there some kind of line that gets crossed, or how do I know if I really have a problem or not?
I've struggled with my drinking for several years now, always trying to limit or "cut down" and succeeding sometimes, but never for long.
I already knew I had a problem when I quit, and my difficulty in quitting proved it. Try not drinking for a month or two. If you find yourself obsessing about it, mentally telling yourself that its okay to drink before the 30 days is up, or actually drinking, you might have a problem with alcohol. To actively drink, even moderately, if you are addicted to alcohol, is a recipe for disaster somewhere down the road.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Matilda and welcome,
At age 25 I had, like you, already experienced many negative consequences from drinking, yet I chose to continue. Over the years, my life spiraled out of control, due to my inability to stop drinking. I'm not sure when it happened, but during those years I crossed a fine line which lay between being able to choose to drink or not. I awoke and discovered I simply could not stop drinking, whether I wanted to or not. I had become what I despised, a chronic, out-of-control alcoholic who was unable to moderate in any sense of the word. I reached several bottoms over the years, but kept digging. I had said, "Oh, I'll never do that", yet I did and kept drinking. There finally became a point where I knew, down deep inside me that I was a hopeless drunk, and knowing this, I resigned myself to that fate. I began drinking all day, opening the bar with the day shift, when it opened and often was there waiting outside for the bartender, and cursing when she was late to open. There were a few of us men who repeated this daily ritual for a long time. It seems like we did this for an eternity now when I look back on it. I often closed that same bar late at night, only to return at dawn the following morn. It was truly a horror movie, one Steven King would have been afraid to write.
Now, with a few months sober, I don't feel hopeless anymore, but am still dealing with the effects and consequences of my drinking each day and will for the rest of my life, for I sustained serious physical damage that has knocked me out of many things I , now sober, would love to do. My capacity is improving monthly, so who knows, maybe I'll be able to do more as time and recovery allows, but for today it's just great to be alive and have a chance to experience another sober day.
I hope you can see past the struggle to moderate and imagine a life without alcohol. A life you truly live, you feel it each day, and you realize whatever potential life is offering you. There's no potential in a bottle, there's tons of misery bottled up, just waiting to be consumed. First you consume booze, then booze consumes you. It's a losing battle to fight with the bottle, and my life and countless others here and about can tell you the whole story.
At 25, you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Please don't let booze take that away.
At age 25 I had, like you, already experienced many negative consequences from drinking, yet I chose to continue. Over the years, my life spiraled out of control, due to my inability to stop drinking. I'm not sure when it happened, but during those years I crossed a fine line which lay between being able to choose to drink or not. I awoke and discovered I simply could not stop drinking, whether I wanted to or not. I had become what I despised, a chronic, out-of-control alcoholic who was unable to moderate in any sense of the word. I reached several bottoms over the years, but kept digging. I had said, "Oh, I'll never do that", yet I did and kept drinking. There finally became a point where I knew, down deep inside me that I was a hopeless drunk, and knowing this, I resigned myself to that fate. I began drinking all day, opening the bar with the day shift, when it opened and often was there waiting outside for the bartender, and cursing when she was late to open. There were a few of us men who repeated this daily ritual for a long time. It seems like we did this for an eternity now when I look back on it. I often closed that same bar late at night, only to return at dawn the following morn. It was truly a horror movie, one Steven King would have been afraid to write.
Now, with a few months sober, I don't feel hopeless anymore, but am still dealing with the effects and consequences of my drinking each day and will for the rest of my life, for I sustained serious physical damage that has knocked me out of many things I , now sober, would love to do. My capacity is improving monthly, so who knows, maybe I'll be able to do more as time and recovery allows, but for today it's just great to be alive and have a chance to experience another sober day.
I hope you can see past the struggle to moderate and imagine a life without alcohol. A life you truly live, you feel it each day, and you realize whatever potential life is offering you. There's no potential in a bottle, there's tons of misery bottled up, just waiting to be consumed. First you consume booze, then booze consumes you. It's a losing battle to fight with the bottle, and my life and countless others here and about can tell you the whole story.
At 25, you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Please don't let booze take that away.
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