Becoming a recluse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Becoming a recluse
I have always hated being alone. I don't know what happened but since I quit drinking, I just want to be by myself. On my days off, I don't really go anywhere unless it is an errand. I turn off the tv, do my housework, go on the internet, lay on the couch, meditate or pray. I have no friends nor do I want any. I am not shy by any means but I really don't want to be around people. Maybe it's the fact that for 5 years, my life has been nothing but drama. Finally I am somewhat at peace and I am enjoying it. Anyone else encounter the desire for solitude? What a change in such a short time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Yes, I love solitude in recovery.
I used to hate being alone and would always want to be around other people, but I have learned to really enjoy spending time by myself. I don't isolate but if I go a few days without 'alone time', I start to get antsy.
I used to hate being alone and would always want to be around other people, but I have learned to really enjoy spending time by myself. I don't isolate but if I go a few days without 'alone time', I start to get antsy.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by ajangel 
...Finally I am somewhat at peace and I am enjoying it. Anyone else encounter the desire for solitude? What a change in such a short time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
You went out dancing recently - thats more than I've done LOL 
I was never really comfortable in my own company...that was one of the things I worked on in my recovery.
I still like people, but I like not 'having' to be with people anymore too
D
I was never really comfortable in my own company...that was one of the things I worked on in my recovery.
I still like people, but I like not 'having' to be with people anymore too
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hmmm. But are you still alone when you're on SR? 
I agree with you guys. I'm only at nine months; I'll probably push myself to be a bit more social after I hit 12, but for now I'm deliberately (and contentedly) keeping my life fairly small and predictable.
I agree with you guys. I'm only at nine months; I'll probably push myself to be a bit more social after I hit 12, but for now I'm deliberately (and contentedly) keeping my life fairly small and predictable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
I like to be alone...although I enjoy the company of my coworkers at work, I moreso enjoy the solitude when I burrow in my own quiet den.
I don't feel that I have friends here, maybe I don't want to get too close to the human race but I have plenty of acquaintances that keep me socially enlightened. I never feel lonely. And a nudge of a cold wet dog nose is always welcoming & friendly.
You hit it when you said you are finally at peace. Being at peace with yourself makes you comfortable with yourself.
I like to be alone...although I enjoy the company of my coworkers at work, I moreso enjoy the solitude when I burrow in my own quiet den.
I don't feel that I have friends here, maybe I don't want to get too close to the human race but I have plenty of acquaintances that keep me socially enlightened. I never feel lonely. And a nudge of a cold wet dog nose is always welcoming & friendly.
You hit it when you said you are finally at peace. Being at peace with yourself makes you comfortable with yourself.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Originally Posted by EmeraldRose
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
Posts: 80
When I was alone (and lonely) during my drinking days, I'd think "Poor me, poor me.... Pour me a drink!" But since finding sobriety and my Higher Power, I know that I'm never alone and have nothing to fear. i ask for strength and courage on a daily basis and I receive.
Get phone numbers and USE them! It's nice to be able to call someone when you're hurting and it's even nicer to call someone when THEY'RE hurting!
God bless.
Luv2All
Get phone numbers and USE them! It's nice to be able to call someone when you're hurting and it's even nicer to call someone when THEY'RE hurting!
God bless.
Luv2All
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by Dee74
You went out dancing recently - thats more than I've done LOL
I was never really comfortable in my own company...that was one of the things I worked on in my recovery.
I still like people, but I like not 'having' to be with people anymore too
D
I was never really comfortable in my own company...that was one of the things I worked on in my recovery.
I still like people, but I like not 'having' to be with people anymore too
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Corpus Christi Texas
Posts: 76
Funny, I was just talking to a good friend from SR yesterday about this very subject. I have gone from a drama addicted social party animal to almost a total recluse and I am thoroughly enjoying it. It has given me time to reflect on my life and recognize triggers. Generally, my choice in "friends" have always been enablers, and subconciously I knew that, which allowed me to continue justifying my addictions. I never really liked myself, so depended on others to "pad" my ego and make me believe everything was alright.
Now, looking back, I am horrified about the way I used these people, however, they in turn, used me to feed their own addictions.
At this point I need healthy minded people in my life, and I am in no hurry to give up my alone time at the moment. Kind of wondering when the being alone will lead to feeling lonely.........that could be another trigger. Mmmmmmmm.....what to do.......how do you find healthy minded friends in this crazy world ? I know there are many on SR, but we need good friends around us for support.
Now, looking back, I am horrified about the way I used these people, however, they in turn, used me to feed their own addictions.
At this point I need healthy minded people in my life, and I am in no hurry to give up my alone time at the moment. Kind of wondering when the being alone will lead to feeling lonely.........that could be another trigger. Mmmmmmmm.....what to do.......how do you find healthy minded friends in this crazy world ? I know there are many on SR, but we need good friends around us for support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Oddly enough, I am the exact opposite. Towards the end of my drinking career I would almost exclusively drink alone and secretively. I find that being alone to long is a quick road to relapse for myself.
Just goes to prove there are different strokes for different folks.
Just goes to prove there are different strokes for different folks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 95
It's happening with me now
It looks like it's more and more difficult to be around people
That after a life of being practically addicted to people
It is not a nice thing, since I am only 21.
Our social rules practically demand that you go to a lot of parties, drink a lot, have a lot of friends, talk a lot, smile all the time if you're young.
I just wanna grow old.
It looks like it's more and more difficult to be around people
That after a life of being practically addicted to people
It is not a nice thing, since I am only 21.
Our social rules practically demand that you go to a lot of parties, drink a lot, have a lot of friends, talk a lot, smile all the time if you're young.
I just wanna grow old.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by basias
Funny, I was just talking to a good friend from SR yesterday about this very subject. I have gone from a drama addicted social party animal to almost a total recluse and I am thoroughly enjoying it. It has given me time to reflect on my life and recognize triggers. Generally, my choice in "friends" have always been enablers, and subconciously I knew that, which allowed me to continue justifying my addictions. I never really liked myself, so depended on others to "pad" my ego and make me believe everything was alright.
Now, looking back, I am horrified about the way I used these people, however, they in turn, used me to feed their own addictions.
At this point I need healthy minded people in my life, and I am in no hurry to give up my alone time at the moment. Kind of wondering when the being alone will lead to feeling lonely.........that could be another trigger. Mmmmmmmm.....what to do.......how do you find healthy minded friends in this crazy world ? I know there are many on SR, but we need good friends around us for support.
Now, looking back, I am horrified about the way I used these people, however, they in turn, used me to feed their own addictions.
At this point I need healthy minded people in my life, and I am in no hurry to give up my alone time at the moment. Kind of wondering when the being alone will lead to feeling lonely.........that could be another trigger. Mmmmmmmm.....what to do.......how do you find healthy minded friends in this crazy world ? I know there are many on SR, but we need good friends around us for support.
I wondered the same thing about being lonely. I have only been lonely one time. I think it was hormones though because I cried all night for no reason. I too am an enabler. Mostly for my family. I distance myself as much as I can. At first I felt selfish about it. I realize now that drama and term-oil is a huge trigger for me. I guess I am growing some ba!!s.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 186
I have always been a loner, but even more so in sobriety. Maybe because the main reason for me to hang out with people in the past was to drink with them? I have always liked to just go to a party or a trip and then be able to go back to my own place and have my alone time. I can't stand being around people more than a few days maximum, then I need time to collect new energy by myself.
Since I stopped drinking I've been more of a loner than ever. But then again, I think that might be because everyone around me drinks. How fun is it really to sit around with a bunch of drunks and be the only one sober? I need to get myself some sober friends....
Since I stopped drinking I've been more of a loner than ever. But then again, I think that might be because everyone around me drinks. How fun is it really to sit around with a bunch of drunks and be the only one sober? I need to get myself some sober friends....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by ajangel
I have always hated being alone. I don't know what happened but since I quit drinking, I just want to be by myself. On my days off, I don't really go anywhere unless it is an errand. I turn off the tv, do my housework, go on the internet, lay on the couch, meditate or pray. I have no friends nor do I want any. I am not shy by any means but I really don't want to be around people. Maybe it's the fact that for 5 years, my life has been nothing but drama. Finally I am somewhat at peace and I am enjoying it. Anyone else encounter the desire for solitude? What a change in such a short time.
The Winner Takes It All!!!!!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United Kingdom (HULL)
Posts: 230
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
"The most successful people in the end are those whose success is the result of steady growh... It is the person who carefully advances step by step, with their mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation - persevering in what they knows to be practical, and concentrating their thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree."
never have truer words been spoken, how is everyone keeping? i hope all are doing great..
Sometimes you must keep going.
Life punches you in the stomach.
It knocks your breath out and leaves you bowed and gasping.
You lose a job. . . you must keep going.
... You find out you have a serious illness. . .you must keep going.
You have a headache. . . you must keep going.
Sometimes the things in life are not serious but they affect you
nevertheless. . . you must keep going.
You have a big argument with your spouse.
Neither of you feels like talking and maybe not even looking at
each other. . . you must keep going.
Your son/Daughter rebels and you have a blowout with him. . .
you must keep going.
The bills seem to never end and the money seems to never start.
You must keep going.
There are times that make us just want to curl up, stick our
heads in a hole, and make the world go away.
We can't, because we must keep going.
Life is full of those circumstances.
Many of you when you woke up this morning, for a variety of
reasons, didn't feel like getting out of bed, but you had to.
You must keep going.
In times like those, and we all have them,
remember the blessing.
The blessing is not in that we must keep going.
The blessing is that we can.
"The most successful people in the end are those whose success is the result of steady growh... It is the person who carefully advances step by step, with their mind becoming wider and wider - and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation - persevering in what they knows to be practical, and concentrating their thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree."
never have truer words been spoken, how is everyone keeping? i hope all are doing great..
Sometimes you must keep going.
Life punches you in the stomach.
It knocks your breath out and leaves you bowed and gasping.
You lose a job. . . you must keep going.
... You find out you have a serious illness. . .you must keep going.
You have a headache. . . you must keep going.
Sometimes the things in life are not serious but they affect you
nevertheless. . . you must keep going.
You have a big argument with your spouse.
Neither of you feels like talking and maybe not even looking at
each other. . . you must keep going.
Your son/Daughter rebels and you have a blowout with him. . .
you must keep going.
The bills seem to never end and the money seems to never start.
You must keep going.
There are times that make us just want to curl up, stick our
heads in a hole, and make the world go away.
We can't, because we must keep going.
Life is full of those circumstances.
Many of you when you woke up this morning, for a variety of
reasons, didn't feel like getting out of bed, but you had to.
You must keep going.
In times like those, and we all have them,
remember the blessing.
The blessing is not in that we must keep going.
The blessing is that we can.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by WakeUp
Sometimes I think I would love to be a hermit. I kind of have an "inner hermit" attitude.
I did start to like it after a while but also felt like I was wasting my life selfishly at the same time. Is that not the difference between a Arhant and a Bodisattva?
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