Just passed the 60 day mark!
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Just passed the 60 day mark!
Well, I just passed the 60 day mark, here, and feeling good about that, and a lot more stable. I did go to a meting and got a coin, but it dawned on me that recovery for me has already taken on more and more of a personal, self-sufficient nature: I like the social support, but I am doing this work though my own effort, in the final analysis, by the decisions I make, by the work I do, and that is very empowering. I like some of the company at the meetings, but if comes to be 12 months and I still have no sponsor, and get funny looks, who cares? I feel a great peace in knowning that whatever people think in trems of 'but has he truely recovered?' do not matter, it is my own inner light that matters, my own honest appraisal, not that of any outside agency. Big deal that some should think recovery be gone about this way or that, that I do not need God or doctiors or a guru in a robe or a book written by some shadowy father figure. All of these might give input, but it is my self that is the true engine, the motive force.
So it has been a kind of relief: This very herat-felt realization that I can still pop into an occassional meeting, and be diplomatic and welcome, and still seek to become more balanced in my own way.
~
At the same time, I have been doing a great deal of research about going back to school for a masters in psych with a counseling liscence, and moving back to Michigan, where my family resides. And also looking into some other independant business ideas, and having a more and more positive outlook on the future.
I'm not looking at going back until next fall, after a bit of time to let myself settle back into life...but yet I feel an eagerness, a quickening as of water rushing rapidly through a narrow passing, leading me onward towards greater peace and stability.
So it has been a kind of relief: This very herat-felt realization that I can still pop into an occassional meeting, and be diplomatic and welcome, and still seek to become more balanced in my own way.
~
At the same time, I have been doing a great deal of research about going back to school for a masters in psych with a counseling liscence, and moving back to Michigan, where my family resides. And also looking into some other independant business ideas, and having a more and more positive outlook on the future.
I'm not looking at going back until next fall, after a bit of time to let myself settle back into life...but yet I feel an eagerness, a quickening as of water rushing rapidly through a narrow passing, leading me onward towards greater peace and stability.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
HuskyPup,
I can totally relate about recovery being such a personal journey for you. I find the same thing.
And, it's great that you're looking at interesting career options in the future, while giving yourself time to adjust to recovery. Good for you!
I can totally relate about recovery being such a personal journey for you. I find the same thing.
And, it's great that you're looking at interesting career options in the future, while giving yourself time to adjust to recovery. Good for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Huskypup,
Good for you on your 60 days. I could relate a lot to what you said about organizations and that it is your journey. The feeling that people may/are judging you because you are not following the doctrine strictly enough.
In AA we are told "to take the best and leave the rest", if you follow these steps and principles you will recover. I get a bit confused over this and am listening to a some great material from recoverybroadcast and it is really helping to clarify this for me.
It is certainly not only my self will that is keeping me sober and I have AA and my HP to thank for being more than 100 days sober.
What you wrote reminded me of someone whom I met in AA years ago when I was trying to get sober, nearly the exact same words. He relapsed, well we both did.
I am not saying you will but just be aware what is said about a life running on self will.
This time around I am paying a lot more attention to what is being taught. Sometimes I think I have an advantage of not going to meetings, I am not distracted by personalities that may trigger me.
Anyway I hope you don't see this post as in any way preachy, it is not meant to be. I just want to bring up some points worth considering.
Al the best
CaiHong
Good for you on your 60 days. I could relate a lot to what you said about organizations and that it is your journey. The feeling that people may/are judging you because you are not following the doctrine strictly enough.
In AA we are told "to take the best and leave the rest", if you follow these steps and principles you will recover. I get a bit confused over this and am listening to a some great material from recoverybroadcast and it is really helping to clarify this for me.
It is certainly not only my self will that is keeping me sober and I have AA and my HP to thank for being more than 100 days sober.
What you wrote reminded me of someone whom I met in AA years ago when I was trying to get sober, nearly the exact same words. He relapsed, well we both did.
I am not saying you will but just be aware what is said about a life running on self will.
This time around I am paying a lot more attention to what is being taught. Sometimes I think I have an advantage of not going to meetings, I am not distracted by personalities that may trigger me.
Anyway I hope you don't see this post as in any way preachy, it is not meant to be. I just want to bring up some points worth considering.
Al the best
CaiHong
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Thanks, everyone!
What is different this time is that I very much want to remain sober, with every fiber of my being. Before, I had not truly looked at the way it was making my life difficult, and the things it was stopping me from accomplishing. I didn't really want to. And I had not reached a point of suicidal depression.
This time, I feel much different, in an inward, deep-rooted way...as if I have somehow drifted apart from some old set of circumstances, and left them behind. It is hard to put into words.
I do often hear in AA that one is doomed to relapse, or lead a life of sober misery and and all other kinds of horrible things if you rely on your self to change...but I think that we all rely on our selves, anyway. Even the decision to believe in a HP is done by our selves, there is no escaping that. Just my views on that: each and every step we take, 12 or not, is a decision, a mental process, an activity of the brain.
But the threats don't bother me as much anymore. More like a mild pet-peeve. Just as many people drop out of AA or relapse with a HP than without one; the recovery rate is no greater than any other, as far as studies have shown. So this is not to say it is not a good fit for some, but that I feel following one's own path is just as well. After all, most do, in some or other fashion.
I'm happy for people however they recover; the only thing that raises an eyebrow is when they insist that it MUST be done their way...then, I wonder: Do they resent that others were able to do it differently? Is there maybe even a hostility that they took a route that did not have the 12 steps, and are happy and sober?
In any event, that is their business, and if anyone wants to threaten doom and gloom due to the path I am taking, fine; I just hope someday such people are free from that kind of bitterness being interwoven in their desire to assist others.
The other thing that is different is that I have kept very busy...reading, writing, sketching, studying...immersing myself more in what I enjoy, and in things that require clarity of mind.
Well, I didn't mean for any of this to come off as weighty sounding as it does...must be the autumn weather and sky coloring the tone of the words, here!
(On a side note: I have a kind of 'higher power', but It is not like the one in AA...I would say it is more so a set of beliefs I have about the spiritual, but being of a Tao nature, I do not feel there is a God/Power that intervenes in human affairs.)
What is different this time is that I very much want to remain sober, with every fiber of my being. Before, I had not truly looked at the way it was making my life difficult, and the things it was stopping me from accomplishing. I didn't really want to. And I had not reached a point of suicidal depression.
This time, I feel much different, in an inward, deep-rooted way...as if I have somehow drifted apart from some old set of circumstances, and left them behind. It is hard to put into words.
I do often hear in AA that one is doomed to relapse, or lead a life of sober misery and and all other kinds of horrible things if you rely on your self to change...but I think that we all rely on our selves, anyway. Even the decision to believe in a HP is done by our selves, there is no escaping that. Just my views on that: each and every step we take, 12 or not, is a decision, a mental process, an activity of the brain.
But the threats don't bother me as much anymore. More like a mild pet-peeve. Just as many people drop out of AA or relapse with a HP than without one; the recovery rate is no greater than any other, as far as studies have shown. So this is not to say it is not a good fit for some, but that I feel following one's own path is just as well. After all, most do, in some or other fashion.
I'm happy for people however they recover; the only thing that raises an eyebrow is when they insist that it MUST be done their way...then, I wonder: Do they resent that others were able to do it differently? Is there maybe even a hostility that they took a route that did not have the 12 steps, and are happy and sober?
In any event, that is their business, and if anyone wants to threaten doom and gloom due to the path I am taking, fine; I just hope someday such people are free from that kind of bitterness being interwoven in their desire to assist others.
The other thing that is different is that I have kept very busy...reading, writing, sketching, studying...immersing myself more in what I enjoy, and in things that require clarity of mind.
Well, I didn't mean for any of this to come off as weighty sounding as it does...must be the autumn weather and sky coloring the tone of the words, here!
(On a side note: I have a kind of 'higher power', but It is not like the one in AA...I would say it is more so a set of beliefs I have about the spiritual, but being of a Tao nature, I do not feel there is a God/Power that intervenes in human affairs.)
you knew I'd say that, LOL
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