Reed22

Hello everyone,

I am posting again after about a 2 or 3 month break, I did about 10 days sober and then slowly went from 2 days a week drinking up to 6 or 7 currently.

I just can't seem to make the decision to quite and stick to it. I haven't had an honest talk with my wife - largely because I believe that she will hold me accountable. Her father was an alcoholic so she already isn't a fan of me drinking.

I drank a lot yesterday. Today I feel soggy and deflated. I can hardly think beyond the cacophany in my own head. Mostly I am mad and disappointed with myself. It's ironic though that now - feeling my worst - I feel most committed to make the decision to quite. It's when I feel good that I make the decision to drink.

I am terrified or the time that I KNOW is coming where something will happen because of my drinking that truly costs me... but still I drink. It's like I am driving toward a cliff...

Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out.

whiskeyman

we all worry about the edge of the cliff.
I think sadly most have to get to teetering over the edge or evn falling off before they stop.
I tried for along time to quit, I did not want to have to HIT BOTTOM. I wanted to catch it before I did hit.
but as time passes and you start doing stpid things, mine were smacking up the front of my truck, screwing up at work, missing kids appts, passing out at a party. I made them all my rock bottoms.


But until you truly have a rock bottom, and you will know it when you have it, i believe you wont stop.

I finally had my rock bottom and my awakening and the desire to drink has left me.
Yes I still think about it in fleeting moments but it is easy to let it go. Youhave to let it go and surrender. I hated that phrase but now I love it. I surrendered, and am now living the life i was begging for.

ajangel

It can take only minutes for rock bottom to hit. I hope you find strength to quit. For me it was a matter of life and death. I can't imagine how my two beautiful daughters would feel if their mother died from alcohol.

luvswhiskey

i agree whiskeyman :/

"But until you truly have a rock bottom, and you will know it when you have it, i believe you wont stop."

EmeraldRose

One of the reasons I am glad I don't drink like I did was for that exact reason...the headaches, feeling out of myself and losing touch with reality. Wanting to be absorbed closer and closer into my little world. A world of isolation, fear, guilt and shame.
Oh yeah, I functioned in the real world...had a marriage, had a job, had a 12 acre farm...separated 1 year, lost job due to drinking and moved to town and renting alone.
BUT the good news is I'm sober...I took a couple months just for me. After all this life I lived...I actually found myself. Went to rehab, learned alot, haven't touched a drop of alcohol since January 28th.
Now that I have regained my sense of self, my self worth, my self respect I have another good job...I'm doing well, and sober is good. You'll see...try it. Don't wait.
Wishing you peace and strength.

CaiHong

Reed22,
I can relate to drinking when I am feeling happy, I rarely drank when I felt depressed.

The thing is, life is better without alcohol if it wasn't I would still be drinking. It is as simple as that. Why wait for a "rock bottom", you are already feeling the negatives, you can see the impact it is having on your life, you realize you need to do something about it. Quit while you are ahead.

Get support, get a program, keep reading and posting.

All the best .
CaiHong