limbogal

Hey all. So my ABF quit drinking cold turkey bout two and a half weeks ago. Hasn't had a drop to drink at all (I have been checking and so far so good). No arguments, no fights. So why am I so mad? I feel like just because he has stopped drinking he thinks everything should be okay and its not. I feel resentful for all the **** he has put me and my son through while he was drinking, and deep down am not convinced that he's really quit since he is not in a recovery program. He's decided to do this on his own with help from God. Now dont get me wrong I am a firm believer in God, but I just don't now if he realizes that alcohol was just one of the problems and his anger is also an issue. I tried to have a talk with him the other day, just trying to clear the air so to speak on some things I was struggling with and when I brought up the issue of him hitting me his response was "you have never been beaten, there are some women who would give you some REAL stories of abuse". I was like WTF?? He doesnt even aknowledge the fact that he hit me. He thinks I should have seen it coming since i "knew" he was troubled when I met him. This just tells me that all along it wasnt the alcohol, hes an ******* through and through...ugh am so mad at myself for expecting things to be different. So he doesnt drink anymore and we are not fighting (for now) but if hes not even remotely sorry for all that hes done how can I expect to have any kind of future with him? I was working on leaving and had kinda slowed the process once he quit drinking but I realize I still have to go coz he will never change. How sad.

marie1960

It is sad. sending you good thoughts. I agree, WTF did he mean, saying some women can tell real stories about beatings? He is definitely not playing with a full deck. Who talks like that?

Violence and abuse are deal breakers for me. I could never stay with a man who hit me. He has no respect for you or himself. I agree he is probably just taking a hiatus from the booze, trying to calm the storm, as he senses you have had enough.

Take care of you......

Freedom1990

Please consider contacting your nearest domestic violence center and talking with a counselor.

Abuse is never okay.

It hurts my heart to read of a woman being abused because that used to be me.

I had no idea such resources as domestic violence centers existed.

You deserve to be cherished and respected.

Sending you hugs of support.

akrasia

Seconding the advice to go to a domestic violence service. This is why they exist.

He's determined to act like a clown, alcohol or not.

dollydo

Physical abuse is a deal breaker. This is totally a separate issue from drinking, booze may magnify the problem, however, it is not the cause.

Why do you stay with him? You have no future with him, you are his hostage, his punching bag.

As for not drinking, he is not in recovery, he is white knuckling it...watch what happens, when he goes on his next binge it will be much worse than the last one. He is an alcoholic, this is a progressive disease, it will get worse.

Think with your head, not your heart, get out of there B/4 he beats the cr@p out of you.

soberlicious

An abuser talks like that. In my experience, even if the physical abuse stops for a while, the emotional abuse does not. I am a recovered alcoholic, but still tend toward people who are abusive at worst or controlling and overbearing at best. I have been looking deeply at what has allowed me to accept this behavior. It is not acceptable. You might also want to look at the impact this could have on your son, now and in the future. I hope you find peace, limbogal

MTSlideAddict

I am sorry you are in such of a tug-a-war with your mind and your heart's wishes. I agree with dollydo; follow your mind’s intuition.

It truly is sad to see the progression of alcoholism. If he is not admitting to his hitting being a problem he is not perceiving it as a problem. Then to try to blame you for his actions, you are right, he is an ASS. Do not stand for that. It is not your fault. I am glad you are still going to go. YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER.

limbogal

So he had a double shot of vodka yesterday coz he has the "flu"...so much for sobriety QUACK!!

nodaybut2day

So, considering that, what's your next move? The abusive alcoholic is now done white-knuckling it and is back to drinking. Sounds like it's time for an exit strategy...

limbogal

Since I decided to move last time we had an argument I had already paid a deposit on an apt for my son and I, I get paid this friday so I will pay our 1st month's rent....planning on leaving in two weeks he'll be away for a weekend and adios it is.

nodaybut2day

Fantastic! Keep us updated!

LaTeeDa

That's really good news! Yay for you.

Something I've seen a lot on this board is to keep your plan to yourself, especially given he has a history of abuse.

L

Alone22

Great plan! You deserve better and the only way to get it is to get away from someone who simply can't treat you better. Stay strong!

doublewhammy

If he cured himself with a double shot of vodka, that was no flu, that was the WDs! Run, not walk, to that new apartment! I agree about keeping your plans to yourself - don't tell anyone close to him, either. Kudos to you for putting yourself and your son first!!

ChaoticSunshine

I really hope everything goes well for you. Stay strong for both you and your child!