If you live with your parents how do you cope?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 95
If you live with your parents how do you cope?
Hello...
Im 21 year old and I still live in my parents house, and Im also an only child, I have no siblings.
The only thing Im doing now is go to college (very close to my home) part-time so I spend a lot of time at home.
Im thinking about quitting school and look for a job. This way I would have a lot of time away from home and would not be dependent on them for money.
My parents havent had a drink for many years but they are crazy, they fight all day, it makes me sick.
Im having a hard time controlling my anger at them. Today I did have to pray a lot so my anger would pass and I didnt do anything stupid.
I cant look at my parents eyes and speak with them only the necessary (or not even the necessary).
Has anyone had experience with this? What did you do?
Im 21 year old and I still live in my parents house, and Im also an only child, I have no siblings.
The only thing Im doing now is go to college (very close to my home) part-time so I spend a lot of time at home.
Im thinking about quitting school and look for a job. This way I would have a lot of time away from home and would not be dependent on them for money.
My parents havent had a drink for many years but they are crazy, they fight all day, it makes me sick.
Im having a hard time controlling my anger at them. Today I did have to pray a lot so my anger would pass and I didnt do anything stupid.
I cant look at my parents eyes and speak with them only the necessary (or not even the necessary).
Has anyone had experience with this? What did you do?
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: hot as heck, az
Posts: 142
Why yes, Andre, I do have experience with this. Although there are a few years between us and my elderly mother lives with me, I can 100% relate to what you're saying.
When I lived with both my parents they fought constantly and I never understood why they were married. I went to college as far away as I could to be out of that house. My father passed away in 1999 so I am dealing with my mother now.
I know exactly what you mean by the anger boiling inside. I stay to myself as much as possible, but then she gets resentful at me b/c I don't take her to lunch or shopping. My mother drinks but doesn't admit to how much. She has no concept of how her behavior impacts other. Confronting her is useless b/c she thinks you "blame me for everything".
One of my tasks for this week is to think about how I can stop engaging in my mother's drama. I have a hard time not taking the bait when she tries to pick a fight.
I don't recommend quitting school. Although working full time to be out of the house sounds tempting now, unless you get an education your ability to get a better paying job in the future is limited (at least here in the US). Is there any way you could work part time and go to school part time? If that's not possible, are there other ways you can get out of the house and not spend as much time at home?
When I lived with both my parents they fought constantly and I never understood why they were married. I went to college as far away as I could to be out of that house. My father passed away in 1999 so I am dealing with my mother now.
I know exactly what you mean by the anger boiling inside. I stay to myself as much as possible, but then she gets resentful at me b/c I don't take her to lunch or shopping. My mother drinks but doesn't admit to how much. She has no concept of how her behavior impacts other. Confronting her is useless b/c she thinks you "blame me for everything".
One of my tasks for this week is to think about how I can stop engaging in my mother's drama. I have a hard time not taking the bait when she tries to pick a fight.
I don't recommend quitting school. Although working full time to be out of the house sounds tempting now, unless you get an education your ability to get a better paying job in the future is limited (at least here in the US). Is there any way you could work part time and go to school part time? If that's not possible, are there other ways you can get out of the house and not spend as much time at home?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Tyne and Wear, UK
Posts: 60
I agree with NotSoSmart that I would really advise you to think VERY hard before quitting school. My situation wasn't exactly the same as yours as my Mum and Dad had divorced when I was young but when I was about your age my Mum was still drinking and it felt like living in a war zone at times. But if it's all possible that you can just hold on for a little while longer while you finish college, then you will have so many more opportunities to get away and make your own life for yourself and can then choose whether or not your parents are part of it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Spend as much time away from home as possible. Can you increase school to full time or get a part time job in addition? Join a group or club for something you enjoy, where you meet normal, half-way sane people.
I can definitely relate. Reading Harry Potter at the Dursleys is like re-reading my life coming home from college in the summers. I finally got so tired of being threatened with being kicked out over anything and everything that I packed up and left. I was able to get enough financial aid, loans, work study, jobs in town, and grants to finish college.
How long do you have left to finish college? I considered quitting high school (and I was an honor student) so I could get a job and get out of the house and into my own apartment. What kept me going at home was keeping my eye on the prize, so to speak, of knowing it was only X more months until I graduated, only X more weeks until I left. Set yourself a goal and work toward it, and it gets easier to ignore the negativity around you.
I can definitely relate. Reading Harry Potter at the Dursleys is like re-reading my life coming home from college in the summers. I finally got so tired of being threatened with being kicked out over anything and everything that I packed up and left. I was able to get enough financial aid, loans, work study, jobs in town, and grants to finish college.
How long do you have left to finish college? I considered quitting high school (and I was an honor student) so I could get a job and get out of the house and into my own apartment. What kept me going at home was keeping my eye on the prize, so to speak, of knowing it was only X more months until I graduated, only X more weeks until I left. Set yourself a goal and work toward it, and it gets easier to ignore the negativity around you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Andre,and any one else thats coming from a dysfunctional home.....For your own sake and to save yourself alot of Hassle in the future I recomend that you read the Laundry list of ACAs.If you identify you should go to an ACA meeting.
Even though you would leave the family home you could still be carrying your parents emotional dysfunction attitudes inside you.
Im only saying..............Could,..............It happened to me.Im ReParenting myself as best I can using all the help I can get................Counciling AA,ACA,loving friends etc.
If your parents have been using sedation over a Prolonged period.....ie...Alcohol/Drugs/Anti Dep/benzos they will have infected you.........................I was in denial for years,I used Alcohol/Benzos to keep myself there until they stopped holding down the Pain..............My ESH.
Even though you would leave the family home you could still be carrying your parents emotional dysfunction attitudes inside you.
Im only saying..............Could,..............It happened to me.Im ReParenting myself as best I can using all the help I can get................Counciling AA,ACA,loving friends etc.
If your parents have been using sedation over a Prolonged period.....ie...Alcohol/Drugs/Anti Dep/benzos they will have infected you.........................I was in denial for years,I used Alcohol/Benzos to keep myself there until they stopped holding down the Pain..............My ESH.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
How about working full time and going to school at night, my company paid for 90% of my college education, it was a long road but well worth it.
My parents have been married for nearly 60 years, they still fight like cats and dogs, you cannot fix it, trying to get involved only makes it worse, the most effective tactic I have found is to tell them, "keep it up and I'm leaving" then you have to stick to your guns and do it.
Find a place for your rage, volunteering helped me channel my energy into good works, i also spent alot of time outdoors, meditating in quiet spaces.
My parents have been married for nearly 60 years, they still fight like cats and dogs, you cannot fix it, trying to get involved only makes it worse, the most effective tactic I have found is to tell them, "keep it up and I'm leaving" then you have to stick to your guns and do it.
Find a place for your rage, volunteering helped me channel my energy into good works, i also spent alot of time outdoors, meditating in quiet spaces.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
When I was in my mid-twenties I felt like I had to get away from my dysfunctional family or I was going to head down the same road they did.
I moved to another state about 4 hours away. I so happy that I did. Having distance between us helped me detach.
Also, getting a good education put me in a position to get a higher paying job. Making money and feeling valued at work improved my self-esteem. It also helped pay for the years of therapy that I needed! :-)
db
I moved to another state about 4 hours away. I so happy that I did. Having distance between us helped me detach.
Also, getting a good education put me in a position to get a higher paying job. Making money and feeling valued at work improved my self-esteem. It also helped pay for the years of therapy that I needed! :-)
db
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
I echo others advice about getting your college completed. It's so important. The advice to look for part time jobs, stay out of the house, go to the library to study as much as possible, or even work fulltime IF they have a college program. Here in the US if you have a 2 year AA you can get the BA by attending once a week for 18 months. There are a lot of options. I hope you can find one that works for you. Keep us posted.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mi
Posts: 2
I got a full time job and moved out. I also dropped out of college, because working full time and going to school full time is too much, but I can't get financial aid for going to school part time. Kind of sucks. But I wasn't doing well in school living at home either, because family dynamics distracted me from school so I didn't have time to do homework and had to skip class a lot to take care of family responsibilities, so I can't say I regret it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Well maybe after you file taxes as living on your own you will be able get enough financial aid to go to school and live in the dorm somewhere far away. I know not everyone likes living in the dorms but getting your degree is still paramount even if you have to start all over. Good luck.
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