fallingwater

I can't stop. I just keep ruining my life. I can't stop drinking and each time I do it the more I can't understand why God lets me live. I don't have a strong connection with him and I don't know what to do. Running seems like the best method but I don't know what to do. There is a fear in my heart to leave my house and there's a fear in my life to do anything else. Curling into a ball on my living room floor has been my solution. I don't sleep in my bed. I don't know where to go or where to run. I have lost all my friends. I just need someone who understands. When I do stop, I last only so long until something triggers me. A bad day at work, a stressful/abuseful relationship, and even thinking too much. Just looking for something to help. Hoping to find it here.

doggonecarl

Welcome. Stopping on our own is the wish of so many afflicted with alcoholism...that is if you think you are alcoholic. But doing it alone is hard if not down right impossible. Recovery often means seeking support and turning our lives around 180 degrees. Do that and maybe you will have a chance. And SR is always here for support and information.

CarolD

welcome to our recovery community...

Many of us are winning over alcohol...and Yes so can you.
I'm sorry you are having difficulties but please do stay
here with us....read and keep posting.

We really do understand how drinking can ruin your life...
I became depressed as a result of my drinking..it was a dark time for me.

TheOjibway84

Sorry to hear that your going through a tough time FallingWater. It's hard to understand what your going through because we all go through something different but with same results. I just celebrated a month last night with my AA group. I was going downhill with my drinking as well, I've lost some of my friends trust and they don't really call me anymore, especially after I was invited over a few times by a friend that I haven't seen in months and I was too drunk to go over so I told him I was sick... every time. But with AA teaching me to be honest I told him and he hasn't spoken to me since but its something I have to accept. We all have to go through some sort of phase until we stop drinking. Giving In and accepting our defeat. I have been trying to defeat this monster of alcoholism. Theres alot of support here! The chatrooms are excellent methods of communicating with others who are going through the same or have gone through the same ! Try AA if you haven't. Although I am well aware AA isn't for everyone it's not required to be religious. I'm not but I do believe in a Higher Power of my understanding. I hope you do good at recovering.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I understand how you feel. When I stopped drinking, I felt so alone and isolated and that I was connected with nothing in the world. But, there is hope for you, and we're here to offer support.

I had lost my connection with god and any spiritual connection. And, when I stopped drinking, I wondered why god had allowed me to live. I believe it's because I have a purpose here on earth, during this lifetime.

bellakeller

Alcohol did that to my life too. By the end of my drinking, my life was puny and miserable and I'd isolated so badly I had nowhere to go but up. I actually had no idea that alcohol was my really my biggest problem until someone suggested I go to some AA meetings. I humored them for a good long while but kept going and learning from AA. It took some time in the program to get it but I've finally been able to stop drinking.

I feel for you. It must feel hopeless and very painful to be in your shoes right now. Just know that there can be ways out of this. If not AA, there are other recovery programs out there. I have just tried AA because I ran out of time to be picky about a program and AA was there for me. Plus I am now sober, which is a bonus.

artsoul

Welcome falingwater -

You're not alone - we all know that hopeless feeling of being unable to stop. Have you ever gotten any help for your drinking? I hope you keep reading and posting - there's a lot of information and support here.

There are people here who have lost everything and turned their lives around. If we can do it, you can too!

nandm

Welcome to SR.

I too felt that I could not stop, that I was a lost cause, that it was hopeless. Then I was given hope by hearing and seeing others share with that they had beat alcoholism and were living happy lives without drinking. It took a program of recovery for me to find sobriety for myself but I did and I know you can too. I encourage you to take a minute and look at this list of recovery programs and see if you can find one that sounds like something you can work with. Then put yourself into wholeheartedly. You can beat this. Here is a list of many recovery programs. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Hevyn

fallingwater - I'm so glad you found us. You are not alone anymore.

It's so hard to admit that we have to stop doing something that once made us feel better. I loved the happy, relaxed feelings I once got when I drank - but those days are long gone. Now, no amount of alcohol gives me anything but numbness. That isn't living.

I drank all my life, & was drinking round the clock when I came here. I never dreamed I could let go of it. When I found SR and opened up to the people here, I was encouraged and given the strength to quit. You can stop depending on alcohol, and have a whole new life. Please keep reading & talking to us.

Dee74

Hi fallingwater

Lots of really great advice here. I used to feel the same way you do - I was lost, I was in constant despair and fear - everything and everyone was a reason to drink.

Support made the difference for me - coming here made me realise I wasn't alone, and helped me see that the fight wasn't hopeless - I could do this...I could break the cycle....just like the other people I saw winning over their addictions here

I used to drink, literally all day every day - now I've been sober for nearly 5 years

I know you can do it too
I hope you'll find SR as helpful to you as it was for me

D

wpainterw

Falling Water: We're here for you. There are lots of folks on this website who have been just where you are now and who managed to stop. They can help you. Of course you feel miserable and alone. But that's your body talking. It wants the alcohol back. Don't give it any more alcohol. If you keep doing that, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, if necessary, things will gradually change. This is what happens. At first your body and your brain cry out but then things start to get better. When that happens, be very, very careful because some folks say that's the most dangerous time, just when you start feeing better. Then your brain may say "I guess I just had a little too much. If I have just one I know I can handle it. I know I can stop." It will be your body talking to you, trying to drag you back to where you were before. Don't give in.
Good luck.

W.

sugarbear1

Welcome! You aren't alone anymore!

least

Welcome! I got sober for good nearly two years ago and my life is better now than it ever was. It took some effort and it was rough going for a while, but it's worth it.

fallingwater

thank you all for the kind words. I am dying inside and I can feel it. I'm not sure I have the strength to kill the demon in me. I've lost everyone and I feel like I can't do anything right. But really thank you for the words they really do mean the world to me. I need words to keep me strong.

Dee74

Hi falling water

maybe it's not about strength or battle - maybe it's about accepting the 'demon' exists and doing all you can not to 'feed' it anymore?

maybe it's about finding enough support so you can do that?

D

CaiHong

Fallingwater,

the people, us, who read and post on this forum are you, we have /are going through what you are going through. We have recovered and are recovering.

What I am trying to say is, there is hope, we are living proof of that, we genuinely feel your pain and want to share what we have and help you to achieve that peace of mind.

AA helped me tremendously.

CaiHong

kicknNscreamin

Me too.

fallingwater

thank you all. I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed that I was trying to open a curtain that covered a cutout from the kitchen to the dining area and then I noticed an odd electric type cord. Something that seemed like it would be needed for wiring and I looked up and it was coming out of heating duct in the ceiling and then to try to figure out what it was I tried to turn on the light but when i flipped the switch only the fan came on and then I went to pull the cord and when I did the fan stopped and I noticed all the wiring coming out of only 1 of the four light bulbs...all the others seemed to be working alright. I then noticed that there were different workmen type things there like hammers and extra wiring. And then I heard someone coming and I kinda hid, not sure why, and they came in and I thought it was a man but actually a deep toned blonde woman and I asked if she had been there already today and she never answered and in my dream I asked myself if I was passed out while they were doing this all and did I miss the notice and then I woke up.

Anyone a dream expert? It was so vivid.