Need to vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hamilton, Ontario
Posts: 38
Need to vent
well this is my first time posting in the forum, not even sure why, guess its just to vent. I feel so hopeless at the moment, and how am I to stay sober when I have so much **** in my life bringing me down? Heck most days I find it hard even to get out of bed let alone do any sort of day to day activities. Its like I hate life, nothing is enjoyable, even getting high and drunk doesnt help like it use to. The one and only thing that brings me happiness is my dog, and it hurts me to look into her eyes and it feels like she knows something is wrong. I want to be the best for her because she deserves so much more, I guess thats a reason I am still here... I would never want to leave her in someone else hands (sad coming from an alkie and drug addict to think I of all people should be saying anything). Ugg no one seems to understand me, the people I love I keep pushing further and further away, even my sister doesnt want to spend time with me much anymore, can I blame her? I miss my mom so much, and I wish she could be a part of my life, but I know it wont happen,she has a family that is healthy, a family that is always there, a family that wont cause the hurt i tend to do, and I dont really intend to cause her grief, i dont wish it on my family but I think they are learning to just let amanda do what amanda is going to do. When I do talk to my family its the same **** over and over telling me how I should do things, telling me what I can do with my life... must be nice to sit back and say all those things to someone hurting so much. I am jealous of my siblings, they get everything! My mom says she wishes she could pay off my student loan so I can get back into school so i can try to make something of my life, and what does she do? she decides to pay for my sisters schooling (after she told me she didnt have the money to help me), of course i guess i am kinda use to this by now, they always got everything, and i got **** all. I still havent found a job, that doesnt help with my self esteem what soever and after every interview i feel happy, like I got it in the bag, just to be 10 times more disappointed when i never get a call... I feel like i am losing an up hill battle and i have no idea if i can get to the top. Guess im done for now take care all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, Amanda.
Well, if you want support, I'd say you've come to the right place.
I understand how you feel. For a long time, I drank to escape my problems. But you know what? It turned out that drinking caused most of my problems, or at least made them all seem worse. I thought I drank because I was down, but now that I've been sober for a while, I realize I was down because I drank. I'm not saying it's easy, or that all my problems disappeared and all my dreams miraculously came true. But I wake up feeling good about myself, and I go to bed feeling the same way. And once I started looking at myself in a more positive way, everything else started to look better to me. Even bad days seemed more manageable.
I lost my dog to cancer this week. He was my best buddy, and got me through some very dark, lonely times. I miss him a lot, but I'm glad I quit drinking when I did. They can tell when we're depressed, and can tell when we're happy, and I have a feeling he sensed the change in me. I like to think it made his final months better.
Well, if you want support, I'd say you've come to the right place.
I understand how you feel. For a long time, I drank to escape my problems. But you know what? It turned out that drinking caused most of my problems, or at least made them all seem worse. I thought I drank because I was down, but now that I've been sober for a while, I realize I was down because I drank. I'm not saying it's easy, or that all my problems disappeared and all my dreams miraculously came true. But I wake up feeling good about myself, and I go to bed feeling the same way. And once I started looking at myself in a more positive way, everything else started to look better to me. Even bad days seemed more manageable.
I lost my dog to cancer this week. He was my best buddy, and got me through some very dark, lonely times. I miss him a lot, but I'm glad I quit drinking when I did. They can tell when we're depressed, and can tell when we're happy, and I have a feeling he sensed the change in me. I like to think it made his final months better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Amanda,
Welcome to the forum. Nice dog. It is good to vent and we are here to listen. I think that you need to stop the drink and the drugs and see a doctor.
I totally understand, you can't just turn your life around, you need to start changing things that are making you feel like this and then you can start doing things.
You can change and feel better and interested in life.
Start today, take the dog for a walk, I know even that can be a monumental task when you are feeling so bad but you have started, you have written on this forum and you are asking for something. From the black hole that you are in you can't see anything can get better, believe me it does. The people on these forums can attest to that.
I wish you all the best and keep posting.
CaiHong
Welcome to the forum. Nice dog. It is good to vent and we are here to listen. I think that you need to stop the drink and the drugs and see a doctor.
I totally understand, you can't just turn your life around, you need to start changing things that are making you feel like this and then you can start doing things.
You can change and feel better and interested in life.
Start today, take the dog for a walk, I know even that can be a monumental task when you are feeling so bad but you have started, you have written on this forum and you are asking for something. From the black hole that you are in you can't see anything can get better, believe me it does. The people on these forums can attest to that.
I wish you all the best and keep posting.
CaiHong
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by readyandable
I realize I was down because I drank.
Since I have been sober, I have had lots of difficult things happen. My home is in foreclosure, my teenaged boys want to spend more time with their dad, I have had some failed relationships...and I can honestly say I have never been more deep down peaceful in my life. I have a "contentedness" I never thought possible.
Life isn't always easy, but for me life without alcohol is easier.
I hope you find peace, amanda
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 39
amanda, i'm a a newbie here as well. we have no kids, just a dog. a dog that we treat like a child. if you're looking for a good place to start, and i have done this, take your dog out for a quiet walk.
tell your dog things that you can't talk with people about. might sound weird, but it works. get it all off your chest, and out of your heart. you're best animal friend in the world will listen intently, without judgement, and give you the encouragement you need to begin a new life. a new sober life for you.
i often thank my lucky stars that we have a furbaby so that i can have an excuse to get out of the house, get some exercise, breathe some fresh air, and say all the things that i'm not ready to say to my wife or friends.
you will do well. believe in yourself. the rest will fall into place.
tell your dog things that you can't talk with people about. might sound weird, but it works. get it all off your chest, and out of your heart. you're best animal friend in the world will listen intently, without judgement, and give you the encouragement you need to begin a new life. a new sober life for you.
i often thank my lucky stars that we have a furbaby so that i can have an excuse to get out of the house, get some exercise, breathe some fresh air, and say all the things that i'm not ready to say to my wife or friends.
you will do well. believe in yourself. the rest will fall into place.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi Amanda,
First off, I believe that your dog is concerned about you because I think our pets understand the pain we are feeling. And, your dog does need you to be the best you can be.
And, I agree that stopping drinking could help your depression to lift, if you give a little time.
It might be a good idea to step away from your family for awhile and work on your recovery and other parts of your life. I know it's hard, but take small steps and you will see things begin to turn around.
First off, I believe that your dog is concerned about you because I think our pets understand the pain we are feeling. And, your dog does need you to be the best you can be.
And, I agree that stopping drinking could help your depression to lift, if you give a little time.
It might be a good idea to step away from your family for awhile and work on your recovery and other parts of your life. I know it's hard, but take small steps and you will see things begin to turn around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Amandah, welcome to SR...it's a good place to vent, read, post and learn about yourself.
I suffered from both reactive and major depression for years, drinking made it 10X worse. my problems did not magically disappear once i stopped drinking but I approached them differently which made it so much easier.
I hope you can realize that help is available both here and FTF.
I suffered from both reactive and major depression for years, drinking made it 10X worse. my problems did not magically disappear once i stopped drinking but I approached them differently which made it so much easier.
I hope you can realize that help is available both here and FTF.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by amandah09 
Heck most days I find it hard even to get out of bed let alone do any sort of day to day activities. Its like I hate life, nothing is enjoyable, even getting high and drunk doesnt help like it use to.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. You seem to be suffering a depression. May I suggest you to visit a doctor/psychiatrist? They can help you to overcome your possible depression.
Alcohol is a strong depressant.
Take care, please.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi amanda, and welcome to the forum -
I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. It was quite clear from your post whether you're sober/clean or not, but either way I hope you stick around and continue to read/post. Lots of us have seen alcohol and drugs effect our relationships and struggled with depression. You're definitely not alone.....
I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. It was quite clear from your post whether you're sober/clean or not, but either way I hope you stick around and continue to read/post. Lots of us have seen alcohol and drugs effect our relationships and struggled with depression. You're definitely not alone.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Sprizzy,
I just read your post and it really triggered me, left me in tears and a big lump in my throat. I don't know why. Perhaps it is the feeling that as humans we are really so isolated from each other and how difficult it is for us to share what needs to be said, without judgement to the people that need to hear it. or perhaps I am missing my dog.
Always feel better after a good cry.
I lost my dog over a year ago, not the nicest of dogs, would urinate on my bed for my slightest infraction, was dognapped twice and held for ransom. I paid up twice to get the little bugger back. Still miss him.
I am off to the supermarket will go past the pet shop. I mustn't weaken and buy one. What would the 2 ducklings, Micheal and Luenig say, not to mention the 2 young cats who remain nameless as I am more a dog person.
Everybody have a great sober day.
Love to you all.
CaiHong
I just read your post and it really triggered me, left me in tears and a big lump in my throat. I don't know why. Perhaps it is the feeling that as humans we are really so isolated from each other and how difficult it is for us to share what needs to be said, without judgement to the people that need to hear it. or perhaps I am missing my dog.
Always feel better after a good cry.
I lost my dog over a year ago, not the nicest of dogs, would urinate on my bed for my slightest infraction, was dognapped twice and held for ransom. I paid up twice to get the little bugger back. Still miss him.
I am off to the supermarket will go past the pet shop. I mustn't weaken and buy one. What would the 2 ducklings, Micheal and Luenig say, not to mention the 2 young cats who remain nameless as I am more a dog person.
Everybody have a great sober day.
Love to you all.
CaiHong
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