xwaitingx

first let me say i do acknowledge my codie behavior.
i am distancing myself in increments which make me feel comfortable.
mostly, i just need to tell someone who has experience with these things about this.

my boyfriend is addicted to weed. he has told me that he used coke for a year, several years ago, and that when he stopped he has not used since.
due to a change in his work schedule, and somewhat by his own choosing we don't see each other often, maybe once a week.

in the past couple weeks he has suddenly become volatile and has been losing weight. based on the way/things he eats and his lifestyle i find it very surprising that he is losing weight. his mood is also a sudden change. it takes nothing at all to cause him to snap, yell, storm off, etc.

my suspicion is that he has started using another drug. i don't know a lot about specifics as to which ones would cause these side effects but i feel like it's something.

considering he is already addicted to one substance, and has tried other drugs, do my suspicions seem reasonable?

Justfor1

It sounds as if he might be into coke. Look for a sniffly red nose or burnt finger tips (if hes smoking it).

xwaitingx

thanks.
i am thinking of talking to his mom (he lives with his parents) and see if they have noticed a change.

Justfor1

Also, he will be spending more money. Possible stealing items around the house? Cocaine is much more expensive than pot. It also has more side effects.

xwaitingx

the past to pay checks (paid twice a month) after two-three days he said he had no money. he has been working a lot of odd jobs (choosing to work them rather than spend time with me, despite having a decent job).

caughthiminject

If you suspect it, it's probably true. Women's intuition. We just don't want to listen sometimes.

Kahlia

Your intuitions are probably correct about using another drug..as a recovering adddict, I would suspect coke also.....we women listen with our hearts and minds.........please continue to take care of you.

Blesssings,
Kahlia

Trying4soblife

Men! Sorry your having to deal with this. I think you are right as well and I think you deserve better. Good luck and hopefully he will see what he is doing to his money and his self and maybe he will come here one day so we can talk with him

dollydo

Trust your gut, unlike an addict, it will never lie to you.

He could be doing coke or some type of pill, hard to say.

As for the parents, do they know he is a pot head? If so, and they all him to live at home, they are already condoning his use of an illegal substance.

xwaitingx

His parents do know. They were into marijuana at his age and do not see anything wrong with it. I do not believe they understand that he is addicted to it.
He has sometimes told me he knows he's addicted but other times told me that it's just a phase. He thinks this is just what people do when they're 19.
Just like other addicts he lies to them about it. He has also lied to them about selling it.

outtolunch

Yes, it certainly sounds like he's into other drugs. You have no way of knowing if he ever really took a break from cocaine.

Are you Ok with being the other woman, second to his drug of choice at the moment?

If not, let go and move on. There is absolutely nothing you can do to keep him clean or cause him to relaspe. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

cc88

i agree. if you suspect it, its probably true. With my mom, (and a lot of other co dependent people i've known) the idea of "what if i'm wrong" is the heart and brain of their codependency. She, for some reason, doesnt want to even run the risk of assuming something that isnt true, regardless of how many times theyve been lied to/made a fool of/proven it IS true.

My thinking is this: if, in the ridiculously small percentile of cases, your gut is wrong and you accuse an addict of using when they're not, A. It sorta serves them right for lying infinity times and continuing to cry wolf. They can deal with one time out of thousands. B. (In my experience) Someone pursuing active recovery wont react to that angrily and defensively. Theyl ask why you think so and be cooperative.

Aside from all this: Weed makes you eat. Def. not loose weight. It also makes you lazy and unmotivated, not angry and volatile. It makes pretty close to no sense that he's just smoking weed.

xwaitingx

Based on his actions lately it doesn't matter in the long run if he's added coke or not. His marijuana addiction has gotten worse over the past year and he has no intentions of doing anything about it.
I mean, of course I don't want him furher his problems with coke, but as far as the relationship is concerned it would merely be one more thing, not the thing.

dollydo

For many smoking pot does not lead to other drugs, for some like my exabf it is a gateway drug and will lead to crack and other horrible drugs. His parents? Well, the pot they smoked 30 years ago is not the pot of today, it is much more toxic.

In any case, he is an addict, you either decide to stay where you are in the relationship or move forward.

He is on a downward spiral, you can either choose to go down with him or you can choose to save yourself. I'd choose you!

As for the parents, I think that they will be useless, however, if you feel you need to tell them, then do so.

Keep posting, it will help.

djensen

Waiting- this is coming from an ex meth/coke/week/opiate user, he is using some type of stimulant, FOR SURE. I would say probably meth if he is losing weight that fast, or crack, but powder coke is not going to make him drop pounds like that.

Look for dialated pupils, sweating, white dry lips, BAD breath, not peeing as much, I know thats gross but true!

Let us know any more of his symptoms and I can help figure them out for you! Good luck!

xwaitingx

i spoke to his parents tonight. they said they have been talking about it the past couple weeks. they noticed the same things i did.
i'm not really up for recounting details at the moment cos i'm pretty much done thinking about it for the day.
his mother mentioned sending him to rehab.
of course, that can't be forced, but at least she mentioned it.
the important part for me is knowing that they are as concerned as i am about the changes and depth of his addiction.
i,obviously, have a lot of thinking to do. set more boundaries, more timelines for myself.

you know how some times in relationships you know the relationship has an expiration date? and it's more casual and you figure 'just enjoy it for what it is then move on?' this isn't one of those. walls i have had up for years came down in this relationship. it's the longest relationship i've ever had. i didn't think he was someone i would end up breaking up with.

i'm not complaining. i know there are people on here much further into relationships than me. but for me this is something that is hard to lose, especially something that is hard to lose to drugs.

thank you everyone for being here and supporting me.

Justfor1

Marijuana is a social type drug. Cocaine is more of a "sneaky" and selfish type drug. I suppose you could always surprise him with a drug test. Then you would have proof.

djensen

Great way to put it, I was thinking that but couldnt put it into words. If he is just smoking grass he will be laughing, eating, having a good time.....

I think its something more sinister at hand and I hope it all works out for you!

sunshineandrain

i understand how you feel. my boyfriend and i were dealing with a lot of the same problems. when we first met he smoked pot a lot, it escalated more and more though into other drugs. at first he was open with me but then he wouldn't tell me until a few days later and started doing heroin which was a deal breaker for me. i know most people wouldn't have stayed but i told him if he went to detox and rehab we'd have a chance. he's in rehab now and finally seems to get it. if he relapses again i don't know what i will do but i have a feeling he will finally try now.

if i were you i'd tell him that i was worried and ask him to be straight up. maybe see why he is doing what he is doing and how you can help. rehab is the best option if he is addicted to anything. remember though not to let his issues control your life. you may need to distance yourself a little bit emotionally if he is not willing to work with you. i'm sorry he's pushing you away. no one should have to deal with that. it took me months to get my bf to go to rehab. it really is a full time job and it's not really your responsibility. he needs to want to do it for himself or it will get him nowhere. i would talk to him about it and worst comes to worse you might need to break up/ take a break. it might be the best thing for both of you (he might finally get his wake up call). good luck. take care. hugs.