Update on RO hearing for STBXAH

Old 09-14-2011, 05:09 AM
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Update on RO hearing for STBXAH

Hi,

It's been a rough couple days.

He was at the hearing to get the restraining order extended. His mother and sister went. A 49 year old man needs his mom to go with him to court for a restraining order? WTF I think she went for the intimidation factor. It worked. My sister came with me.

He didn't see me be all nervous. I just stayed in the domestic violence office until it was our time to see the judge. The HAWC advocate stood by me in court.

I'm actually filing a formal complaint against the judge. I told him what happened and what has been happening. My STBXAH told him he is a loving father, etc.

I can't lie under oath so when the judge asked if either of us filed for divorce, I said I did. So now he knows. That's a good thing. Now its all out in the open.

The judge said 'i tell my kids I'm going to hit them all the time" so I don't think there is abuse here. Probably just an arguement.

He did extend the restraining order for 90 days. No contact to me and my two kids.

My STBXAH wanted to know about seeing the kids cuz he loves them and the judge told him to go to the probate court and file papers to get visitation on the way home.

No wonder people get murdered!!

He violated the RO once two hours after he was served and then before Court on Monday. The police officer is charging him with Threat to commit assault on Minor.

I feel so bad for my kids. I let this go on too long. My daughter is having a hard time with this. She is really scared of him.

My STBXAH didn't remember what he did Friday night. So he must be blacking out all the time. His brother told me he didn't remember. On top of the drinking I'm finding out more about drugs and cheating.

This is very hard. I thought I was doing good. Just sometimes I have these moments. Even though I don't want him back, I'm done. I kinda hoped that he would go into rehab. I guess that's the codi in me.

The kids and me are going to a domestic violence advocate on Monday. She will give us some names of domestic violence therapists that also deal with substance abuse and alcoholism. I think the kids need to talk to someone.

His mother called my son after court and told him she was sorry what was going on and that my STBXAH told her he wanted to kill himself because he has nothing to live for. Who tells a 16 year old that? I crazy woman!!!!! She is blocked from calling the kids cell phones.

This is my same kid that read my STBXAH's suicide letter that my STBXAH left on the counter last year when my STBXAH thought my son was at school.
Now my son is worried about him even more.

Today is my day to clean my bedroom of all his things. I'm just going to throw it all into a bag and put it down the basement until I can get all his other crap packed up. I look forward to MY bedroom!!

I have to go back to work. Just wanted to update you. Time will heal all our wounds..................
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Old 09-14-2011, 05:14 AM
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So glad that the RO has been extended. I too, found out more than I wanted to know after exabf was gone.

You have done the right thing for your family!

Hugs
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:51 AM
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Veryregretful, I just wanted to pop in to tell you I think you ARE doing great. I know it's sort of a tornado of emotions and events at the moment, but you're doing great and protecting your children against your STBXAH and his enabling family. Good idea about blocking your X mother-in-law from calling the kids on their cells. At this point, both your STBXAH and his enablers are going into high drama and blame mode. They'll pull out all the stops: emotional manipulation and blackmail, maybe more threats, acting like victims. Keep your eye on the ball; you'll get through this.

Thanks for keeping us updated!
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:49 AM
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It's so overwhelming!!!

My daughter is home again from school. She is so upset. Trying to get her into the therapist. Today she thanked me for everything I've done. I cried.

I know I did the right thing.

I know they are going to try and do something. It's inevitable knowing my STBXAH and his family.

I don't understand though. Why do people who are our friends so willing to help him? I don't get it. They have said you got to take care of those kids and they have seen his verbal abuse and his drug use and alcholism. Why? Why not see if the kids are okay? I just don't get it!!

I'm frustrated!
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Old 09-14-2011, 07:50 AM
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I just have a feeling something is going to happen today. Just like I did last Friday.
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:09 AM
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Your kids are fortunate that you are dedicated to protecting them from this insanity and dysfunction.
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:49 AM
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can you get your daughter over to one of her friend's houses for the weekend? might just avoid any problems and let her relax?
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Fandy View Post
can you get your daughter over to one of her friend's houses for the weekend? might just avoid any problems and let her relax?
I may do that with both kids. And this way I can pack up all his crap and they don't have to watch me. It will probably be good for her.

Thanks
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