First post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 40
First post
Hi All,
This is my first post; today is day 16 of no alcohol for me. I’ve been reading here for many months and have composed numerous “First Days” but didn’t post because I knew I wasn’t ready. I read somewhere that quitting isn’t that hard, deciding to quit is the struggle. I know this is true for me, quitting can’t be what I should do, or must do, but what I want to do. Sobriety can’t be a punishment, it needs to be a gift. Reading the stories and words of wisdom on this site, it seems that those who are successful are the ones who have settled this battle in their hearts.
I’m in my late forties, happily married with wonderful kids and a satisfying career that is flexible enough to allow me to be primarily at home. I’ve had extended stretches of sobriety: pregnancies, breast feeding, time off while going through a divorce many years ago, months off here and there while following a nutrition program; as well as long periods of successful moderation. These stints allowed me to think that my drinking was under control. Coupled with the fact that my parents are alcoholics who modeled extreme consumption (“I don’t drink anywhere near what mom and dad do, therefore I don’t have a problem”), and a lack of serious consequences (no DUI, job loss, etc.) kept me in denial.
Waking up 16 days ago with yet another hangover and beginning the familiar inner dialogue of recriminations and promises, I had a moment of clarity. I don’t know if it was my higher power finally getting through, the triumph of my true voice over my addictive voice or just a plea on primitive level from every cell in my body to stop this madness, but I am done with drinking. It’s been a source of fun and good times over the years but more often than not it’s produced a deluge of wasted days and too many guilty, shameful and sad feelings to count. It’s also a huge health risk. I take medications daily for a chronic condition that clearly recommend avoiding alcohol, the fact that I chose to interpret “avoid” as “not out of the question”, is another symptom of my disease.
I’m so happy to have made it through these last 2+ weeks. The last time I felt this great was when I quit smoking 15 years ago: every morning is a small triumph! I will be coming to SR for my primary support, I’m very thankful for all the words of wisdom and kindness this community provides. If you’ve read this far, I appreciate your patience. I look forward to supporting others on their path forward.
This is my first post; today is day 16 of no alcohol for me. I’ve been reading here for many months and have composed numerous “First Days” but didn’t post because I knew I wasn’t ready. I read somewhere that quitting isn’t that hard, deciding to quit is the struggle. I know this is true for me, quitting can’t be what I should do, or must do, but what I want to do. Sobriety can’t be a punishment, it needs to be a gift. Reading the stories and words of wisdom on this site, it seems that those who are successful are the ones who have settled this battle in their hearts.
I’m in my late forties, happily married with wonderful kids and a satisfying career that is flexible enough to allow me to be primarily at home. I’ve had extended stretches of sobriety: pregnancies, breast feeding, time off while going through a divorce many years ago, months off here and there while following a nutrition program; as well as long periods of successful moderation. These stints allowed me to think that my drinking was under control. Coupled with the fact that my parents are alcoholics who modeled extreme consumption (“I don’t drink anywhere near what mom and dad do, therefore I don’t have a problem”), and a lack of serious consequences (no DUI, job loss, etc.) kept me in denial.
Waking up 16 days ago with yet another hangover and beginning the familiar inner dialogue of recriminations and promises, I had a moment of clarity. I don’t know if it was my higher power finally getting through, the triumph of my true voice over my addictive voice or just a plea on primitive level from every cell in my body to stop this madness, but I am done with drinking. It’s been a source of fun and good times over the years but more often than not it’s produced a deluge of wasted days and too many guilty, shameful and sad feelings to count. It’s also a huge health risk. I take medications daily for a chronic condition that clearly recommend avoiding alcohol, the fact that I chose to interpret “avoid” as “not out of the question”, is another symptom of my disease.
I’m so happy to have made it through these last 2+ weeks. The last time I felt this great was when I quit smoking 15 years ago: every morning is a small triumph! I will be coming to SR for my primary support, I’m very thankful for all the words of wisdom and kindness this community provides. If you’ve read this far, I appreciate your patience. I look forward to supporting others on their path forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, SweetDreams. Welcome to SR. 
That was true in my case, too. When I fully committed to not just quit drinking, but to also embrace life without it, the struggle suddenly became winnable.
Glad you found us!
I read somewhere that quitting isn’t that hard, deciding to quit is the struggle.
Glad you found us!
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR and thank you for sharing your story.
I agree that deciding to quit is the hardest part, but the way I look at it I decided to quit many times before I maintained that resolve over a long period of time, so I would add to your comment that the hardest thing to do is to decide to quit and to follow through on it.
Best wishes in your recovery! Life sober is so much more satisfying, and I'm so pleased that you have decided to begin posting.
I agree that deciding to quit is the hardest part, but the way I look at it I decided to quit many times before I maintained that resolve over a long period of time, so I would add to your comment that the hardest thing to do is to decide to quit and to follow through on it.
Best wishes in your recovery! Life sober is so much more satisfying, and I'm so pleased that you have decided to begin posting.
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