How do I get over my fear of alcohol?

Old 09-13-2011, 01:56 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
How do I get over my fear of alcohol?

my mom was an alcoholic, she has since recovered. she drank when i was aged 7 through 9. this was a difficult time for me. and has through out my life, i have had problems with self-esteem, confidence, self mutational, and have attempted suicide. all of these problems where due to the time when my mom was drinking, and yes there were other issues involved, but i believe if my mom wasn't an alcoholic than i wouldn't have gone through the things i've gone through

as i said i'm now 16, and i'm getting to the age where everyone around me starts drinking. because of this i have just realised how much alcohol scares me, i don't like friends, family members, or loved ones in general drinking it. when i think about it i get panicky. this is causing alot of problems in my relationships with friends and particularly my cousin [we are really close]. she's 20 and acts like any 'normal' 20 year old would, she goes clubbing and drinks, i feel shakey, panicky and ill to the stomach at the thought of her doing this

i've talked to her about it, but there's no compromise, ideally I'd like her to stop drinking, but i would never ask or except her to do that

our family don't talk about the time when my mom used to drink. i haven't talked to anyone about it either

my question is, how do i get over this fear? i can't let alcohol ruin my relationship with my cousin

thanks for reading

there's probably a billion threads like this going around, so, sorry
AllyIsLost is offline  
Old 09-13-2011, 02:07 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 46
Hi Ally,

You are definitely not alone in being a child who grew up witnessing alcoholism at an age when you were definitely not equipped to handle it (in fact I am not sure any age is equipped to do so).

I think you may be scared for your cousin because you think that what happened to your mother might happen to her, but no two people are exactly alike. Also, your cousin may have to learn lessons for herself, maybe something will happen that will make her want to stop drinking, or at least only do it responsibly and when she is of age.

What you can focus on is just being there for her, so that way, if she ever does need someone to go to she will trust you as being a non-judgmental friend. It is hard for people who have witnessed sever alcoholism to not fear alcohol, but many people consume alcohol and enjoy it responsibly. I wish you luck, try going to alateen meetings where you will meet people your age who have had similar experiences. Try to align yourself with friends who would rather do other things for fun than drink. You are only 16 and you will never look back in life and wished you drank more at any age. I promise you that, so I think you are ahead of the game in seeing alcohol as not something that is enchanting but as something that can cause a lot of pain and hardship.

You're not alone. Good Luck!
Shirt423 is offline  
Old 09-13-2011, 05:46 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I agree and felt many of the same things about alcohol when I was a teenager. I did not know why though until many years later (both of my parents have a long history of growing up in alcoholic families though neither of them struggled with it themselves).

I have not been to Alateen but have been at meetings where they speak and think it might be a good fit for you.

Keep posting, and know that you are not alone.
LifeRecovery is offline  
Old 09-13-2011, 07:03 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Make choices that are best for you and only you, and let others live their own lives. You can't make anyone "do" anything, but you sure can make yourself do anything.

You sound like a solid young woman with a good head on her shoulders who has witnessed some traumas. See if you can find a teen support group (like Alateen but there are others) and maybe talk with your school counselor for some referrals.

Take good care, the rest of your life is waiting.
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 09-13-2011, 09:27 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
PrettyViolets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
I am 40 years old, and I have never been drunk. I live my life like if someone does not like that I abstain from alcohol, then they are not really a good friend for me. This is a personal choice. It is deeper than just a fear. It is a knowledge that I tried the social scene of drinking in my 20s and 30s--it did not make me a better person--and then I saw what it did to my husband. And he is a great guy--but he can be very hurtful when he drinks. I never imagined I would be married to an alcoholic. It really sent me running back to God. And I have been very thankful to God to be there for me during the most difficult times.

You cannot control your cousin. You can control yourself. You can choose to surround yourself with friends who respect your view on drinking. Take care of yourself first.

You are still young and trying to figure out who you want to be. Enjoy your youth. I would love to be 16 years again, and just enjoy life with my peers around that age. I just loved being involved with the youth groups at my church. We would go get pizza and soft drinks--there was just so much more innocence there. I would suggest more innocent things like meeting for pizza with your cousin or just meeting for ice cream or going to Starbucks or just going to the mall and going shopping.

Just do not let the drinking thing age you where you cannot enjoy your youth.
PrettyViolets is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 06:19 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 119
Ally, I will be 40 next month and I struggle with the same question. I wish I had an answer for you. But take comfort in knowing you are leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at your age.

I think the only thing you can do is be true to yourself. As others have said if alcohol makes you uncomfortable, YOU can choose to surround yourself with people who don't drink. The advice I give my daughter is only do EXACTLY what YOU want to do. Don't ever let anyone make choices for you by pressuring you or by making you feel "less then" or "different" because of your choices. I'm very impressed by your self awareness and willingness to reach out. So like I said you are WAY ahead of the game.
womaninprogress is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 06:55 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
No one can deny that drinking is so much a part of our culture. It's everywhere and unfortunately it seems to be a rite of passage for youth.

When I was young I too wanted to "raise a little hell" with my friends. It was actually quite mild but it felt exciting to indulge in adult behaviours (drinking/smoking) at the time.

I quickly realized that I did not like the taste of alcohol and I did not like the feeling of being even slightly drunk. I decided there was really no reason for me to drink.

Having made that decision I was unprepared for the reaction I would receive from just about everyone!

I did not get smug or lecture on drinking but my choice to not to drink was debated and argued every time I went out and seemingly by everyone there. ("Can I get you a drink." "No thanks, I don't drink." "C'mon, just have one.") It made me very uncomfortable and it seemed to make everyone else uncomfortable. I am not talking about "drinking buddies". I am talking about even the people that I've never seen drunk or who only had one or two drinks themselves. People who seem to have the ability to successfully drink socially all wanted me to drink along.

It didn't take me very long to not mention that I didn't drink. I would start the evening with "Actually, I am really just thirsty, could I have a water (or juice)." and then just never order a real drink. It seemed to make the evening be less about me and my choices and more about the reason why we got together in the first place.

Many, many years later I still do this when I am with acquaintances. Friends and family know my choice. I just don't need to keep explaining it in social settings.

I am only relating this because I was taken aback by the whole reaction to the choice of not drinking; so my experience can be a forewarning to you, if that's your choice, I guess.

You are very mature and have a good head on your shoulders. You'll do fine whatever decision you make.
wellnowwhat is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 01:10 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
i'm sorry but i told a white lie in my first post. replace the word cousin with boyfriend, does that make much difference? my boyfriend is 19, and he drinks like the average guy his age would drink
i've asked him not to drink around me, to which he said it depends on the circumstances.
this is causing huge problems in our relationship, and lots of fights. i love him and he loves me, [i'm not a naive kid when i say that] i don't want something i hate so much. like alcohol, to ruin my relationship with him
AllyIsLost is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 03:10 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
PrettyViolets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
You are 16 years old. You cannot even legally drink at this point. I would set a boundary with your boyfriend that you are not interested in doing anything with him that would involve that he would be drinking. Again, you are the fun sweet 16 year old--pizza, soft drinks, ice cream, just keep repeating pizza, soft drinks, ice cream to him.
PrettyViolets is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 04:37 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
i've asked him not to drink around me, to which he said it depends on the circumstances. this is causing huge problems in our relationship, and lots of fights. i love him and he loves me, [i'm not a naive kid when i say that] i don't want something i hate so much. like alcohol, to ruin my relationship with him

It sounds like it is already affecting your relationship. He knows your story and your reasons for not wanting him to drink around you and he is not respecting that. Given your age, his age, and your story, that is not an unreasonable request.

Please read lots on this site and if there is Alanon near you check it out. In my area there are groups for people in late teens and early twenties and this would be great for you.
wellnowwhat is offline  
Old 09-14-2011, 04:48 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
My daughter's 16 so forgive me for sounding like a dad...

Hi Ally,

My wife is an alcoholic, and she was drunk for most of our daughter's childhood. While my daughter doesn't share your anxiety about other's drinking, for a long time I did.

I'll strongly suggest to you that you start attending some Alateen meetings, at least six if you can. That said, often Alateen meetings are hard to find and if that's the case where you live that's ok. You can go to Alanon meetings instead. They are likely to still help you.

Keep an open mind because most of the people there, while older than you, will have shared experiences with you anyway. Many of them will be adult children of alcoholics, and all of they will have alcoholics in their lives either past or present.

Lastly, try at least six meetings before you decide if it's for you.

Take care Ally, and don't feel bad you have this issue. It is what it is, it's a problem for you, and you are seeking solutions. Good on you. That's all that matters.



Cyranoak
Cyranoak is offline  
Old 09-15-2011, 01:45 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 27
Hi Ally,

First off, it is great that you are seeking some help on this. It can be very hard to be around alcohol if you have witnessed bad reactions to it.

If you do not want to drink (and for lots of reasons, you probably shouldn't if you are only 16)

Wellnowwhat's suggestion is a great one.

I would start the evening with "Actually, I am really just thirsty, could I have a water (or juice)." and then just never order a real drink. It seemed to make the evening be less about me and my choices and more about the reason why we got together in the first place.
That said, you will come across lots of situations where alcohol is involved. It's probably good just to be honest with yourself and others about how it affects you. In my experience being too paranoid doesn't help much either -- my husband's mother is a child of two alcoholics. Her experiences have scarred her so badly that she takes every opportunity to lecture others about drinking. Unfortunately that has led to her children feeling like they can't be honest with her about any kind of drinking or partying. I would even say that in their younger years they drank as a sort of rebellion. So while you can set boundaries for yourself it's good to remember that people can drink normally and that this is a personal decision that you cannot make for them.

Best of luck in working through this.
daughter333 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:46 AM.