AllAboutheGirls

I realized this morning it has been exactly 5 months since that awful day when my stbxah was taken out of our home by the police because his abuse turned physical. My 17 year old beautiful daughter had to make the call. None of us could handle the vicious cyclone another minute.

I want you all to know we have been on a beautiful journey. I can't remember a time that I felt so close to my girls. They give me my strength to move forward in a positive direction every moment. When ever I doubt my actions I know I am making my choices for myself and that can't be wrong.

It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have met some people along the way that have helped me tremendously. A woman in the states attorney's office once told me if I couldn't leave him for myself I HAD to do it for the girls. This is how I get by now.

I have read so much of this dis-ease and how it effects the rest of us. I want to say THANK YOU to everyone here. You'll never know how much your experiences have helped me through my bad days. It seems there are less of them I think...
I have heard my life living with an A here retold many times. Its so sad.

Today I read Rorty's thread and my heart breaks. I know those feelings all too well. It does get better however with time. I have to remind myself constantly to keep moving, just stop thinking about the past.

I want to especially thank TakingCharge today for the reading "Dependency - Relationship" I have heard the word codependant mentioned here many times but didn't really get it. It jolted me to think back in MY life as to why I needed him.

Ten years ago I left my first husband, the father of my girls, who was a control freak. I was so battered at that time... and there he was. Ready and willing to pull me in. Today is the day I can see the exact moment when I fell in love and it was quite a ride!

I lived the next 10 years in such a tumultuous relationship I never could find myself. I now know why I did it. I was just as sick as him. Him the alcohlic, and me codepentant. What a perfect couple!

Beginning this past Sunday, 9/11, I was in a completely somber mood along with the rest of the country I assume, and recieved a call from his sister in California. I let it go to voice mail but called her back when I got my head on straight. I haven't spoken to her since I left. In her voice mail she sounded worried because she couldn't get ahold of him for days. I had shut his cell down weeks ago - no contact. It turns out she didn't know a thing about our break up. This is the only family member of his he speaks to and didn't even mention it. Huh?

It was an hour long coversation but because of the tools I have learned to use I did not let it become a b**** session or a pity party. I will say it brought back a lot of emotion and I've had a tough couple of days. I want to heal and be a "normie" again.

She is very concerned for his health and welfare just as we all our for the people we love fighting this horrible disease. She knows of his alcoholism and even told me started drinking at the age of 14. 14! No wonder he can't deal with grown up issues.

So here I am reading alot again today and Im still recovering and it's gonna be OK. Two steps forward - one step back. Back on the rollercoaster but a whole lot stronger. THANK YOU!