Need a Sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 123
Need a Sponsor
Hi everyone, I've been attending AA meetings for about a month now and have gotten a lot out of them, but I think it's time I start working the program a little more. So far, I've been just listening and speaking when it's my turn. I read the book at home. The meeting I attend is large (40-50 people), mens stag meeting that meets once per week. I love this meeting and I like to call this my home group. I've attended some other smaller meetings, but I prefer the larger weekly meeting.
I really want to get a sponsor and begin working the steps, but I have a difficult time mingling with people before/after the meeting. How should I go about getting a sponsor? Should I just approach someone and ask them if they would like to sponsor me? I don't even really know exactly what a sponsor does or what the purpose of a sponsor is. I would really appreciate any input I can get here. Thank you!
I really want to get a sponsor and begin working the steps, but I have a difficult time mingling with people before/after the meeting. How should I go about getting a sponsor? Should I just approach someone and ask them if they would like to sponsor me? I don't even really know exactly what a sponsor does or what the purpose of a sponsor is. I would really appreciate any input I can get here. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
There is literature available at most meetings which answers your question.
Most will say the purpose is to take you through the steps of AA. It has been my experience my sponsor also becomes a very close friend, mentor and guide in life. (some disagree with the later)
They show you how to apply the Steps as a way of life, replacing old ways with the spiritual principles outlined in the Big Book & 12 x 12.
Sponsors guide you through the program and show you, as they have done, how to have a spiritual experience, to have a good life, sober & activity participate in your recovery. PM me if you would like.
Great question! Stick around!
Most will say the purpose is to take you through the steps of AA. It has been my experience my sponsor also becomes a very close friend, mentor and guide in life. (some disagree with the later)
They show you how to apply the Steps as a way of life, replacing old ways with the spiritual principles outlined in the Big Book & 12 x 12.
Sponsors guide you through the program and show you, as they have done, how to have a spiritual experience, to have a good life, sober & activity participate in your recovery. PM me if you would like.
Great question! Stick around!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by FHB1 
Should I just approach someone and ask them if they would like to sponsor me?
I've found that's it not really necessary that your sponsor have a similar background as you. That might feel more comfortable, but what I really need is someone that lives this way of life, not just sounds good in a meeting. It should be obvious when someone is on fire with the program.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm really glad you are planning to move forward and here is a link
to the info that I think Mark mentioned....
Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets
I do consider it a wise idea to read this first before beginning a sponsor.sponsee connection..
That is how I start with a new sponsee....we read it together so we know what is expected from the relationship.
to the info that I think Mark mentioned....
Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets
I do consider it a wise idea to read this first before beginning a sponsor.sponsee connection..
That is how I start with a new sponsee....we read it together so we know what is expected from the relationship.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
Have you spoken to anyone to let them know that you would like to join that group as a member and make it your home group? That would be a good beginning. Then ask if there's a members phone list?
Try getting there early for the "meeting before the meeting" and staying after for the "meeting after the meeting" (talk). Try being a part of the group. It's hard for most of us!
Try getting there early for the "meeting before the meeting" and staying after for the "meeting after the meeting" (talk). Try being a part of the group. It's hard for most of us!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
FHB, I made a mess out of getting a sponsor.....so I'll share with you what I'd recommend, in light of knowing a couple things to absolutely NOT do.
1. Personally, I'm not a fan of throwing darts, picking someone and asking them...... It's an important matter so treat it as such.
2. Better to have an "ok" sponsor than no sponsor.....so don't let ^^^^^ convince you it's ok to drag your feet. If you discover that your choice in sponsor isn't working out, you're free to move on to someone else.
3. Make sure you LISTEN to what everyone is saying.....if that means you don't get to plan out what you're going to say when it's your turn to talk then fine--just pass. Your primary "job" for now is to be listening to the ppl there and scouting someone who has worked the AA program successfully and is willing and able to help you.
4. Pick a couple ppl you like - ppl you're considering to be your sponsor......tell them you're looking for a sponsor and ask them who they would recommend. Do this with several of the ppl you're considering. Not that you're a dope or anything like that but early on, we don't really know what to look for.....so asking some of the more solid members for some guidance is just plain smart. If two or three folks all recommend someone on your list, key in on that person and shadow them. Sit by them at tables, watch what they're doing, watch their actions, ask them what other meetings they go to and show up at those meetings yourself (or ask for a ride....even better).
5. This one's the most important - I dunno if you pray or not but, if you don't, just start each day off with "Hey, IF there's something out there.....please direct me to the right sponsor - give me the wisdom to recognize them and the courage to ask them." When our "prayers" are answered and we're given the things we need.....that's when we start to grow in true 'faith.' Me, I didn't have much faith in God at first......but it's come over time via my experiences. Stuff like this all falling into place and working out just right was one of my lessons.
1. Personally, I'm not a fan of throwing darts, picking someone and asking them...... It's an important matter so treat it as such.
2. Better to have an "ok" sponsor than no sponsor.....so don't let ^^^^^ convince you it's ok to drag your feet. If you discover that your choice in sponsor isn't working out, you're free to move on to someone else.
3. Make sure you LISTEN to what everyone is saying.....if that means you don't get to plan out what you're going to say when it's your turn to talk then fine--just pass. Your primary "job" for now is to be listening to the ppl there and scouting someone who has worked the AA program successfully and is willing and able to help you.
4. Pick a couple ppl you like - ppl you're considering to be your sponsor......tell them you're looking for a sponsor and ask them who they would recommend. Do this with several of the ppl you're considering. Not that you're a dope or anything like that but early on, we don't really know what to look for.....so asking some of the more solid members for some guidance is just plain smart. If two or three folks all recommend someone on your list, key in on that person and shadow them. Sit by them at tables, watch what they're doing, watch their actions, ask them what other meetings they go to and show up at those meetings yourself (or ask for a ride....even better).
5. This one's the most important - I dunno if you pray or not but, if you don't, just start each day off with "Hey, IF there's something out there.....please direct me to the right sponsor - give me the wisdom to recognize them and the courage to ask them." When our "prayers" are answered and we're given the things we need.....that's when we start to grow in true 'faith.' Me, I didn't have much faith in God at first......but it's come over time via my experiences. Stuff like this all falling into place and working out just right was one of my lessons.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 123
Thanks everyone for the excellent advice! At last night's meeting, I added myself to the telephone/email list and picked up a copy of the group phone list for myself. I'm kind of friendly with a few guys there, so maybe I'll call one of them this week and ask a few questions. I just have to do it and not be shy about it (this goes against my natural tendencies, but I need to get over this).
One thing that makes me realize that I have to do more in AA, is that now that I have 33 days of sobriety under my belt, the "thrill" of being newly sober is beginning to wear off (if that makes any sense). I'm starting to feel bored in my sobriety. I must find a sponsor, begin working the steps and attend more meetings. One thing that makes it difficult for me to attend meetings during the week is my work schedule. I wake up at 5:30am and return home at about 6:00pm five or six days per week. I am completely drained and exhausted when I get home from work. I can hack going to my Monday night meeting and a Saturday and Sunday meeting, but attending every day of the week is just not realistic for me. I like the evening meetings, but I notice that when I get home at 10:00 from these meetings that I am so wound up that I can't fall asleep until around 1:00 in the morning. Then I am exhausted and less productive at work during the week.
One thing that makes me realize that I have to do more in AA, is that now that I have 33 days of sobriety under my belt, the "thrill" of being newly sober is beginning to wear off (if that makes any sense). I'm starting to feel bored in my sobriety. I must find a sponsor, begin working the steps and attend more meetings. One thing that makes it difficult for me to attend meetings during the week is my work schedule. I wake up at 5:30am and return home at about 6:00pm five or six days per week. I am completely drained and exhausted when I get home from work. I can hack going to my Monday night meeting and a Saturday and Sunday meeting, but attending every day of the week is just not realistic for me. I like the evening meetings, but I notice that when I get home at 10:00 from these meetings that I am so wound up that I can't fall asleep until around 1:00 in the morning. Then I am exhausted and less productive at work during the week.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
FHB!
I think it shows how well you are going, in that you realize that you are getting a bit bored and need to start working the program with a sponsor.
I don't have much choice of sponsors here and I am not sure what to expect from one. Thanks Dee for the link to the pamphlet.
About 4 weeks ago I asked someone to be my sponsor. We did the first 3 steps together and I am struggling badly with the 4 step. I really need help.
When I asked her to be my sponsor I was in tears. I don't ask for help easily.
Now I am not sure what to do, her baby is due very very soon, she is very busy and I am reluctant to call her but I need to do my 4th step.
Is is posssible to do a 4th step online with someone, perhaps on Skpe?
I didn't mean to highjack your post FHB1.
All the best
Caihong
I think it shows how well you are going, in that you realize that you are getting a bit bored and need to start working the program with a sponsor.
I don't have much choice of sponsors here and I am not sure what to expect from one. Thanks Dee for the link to the pamphlet.
About 4 weeks ago I asked someone to be my sponsor. We did the first 3 steps together and I am struggling badly with the 4 step. I really need help.
When I asked her to be my sponsor I was in tears. I don't ask for help easily.
Now I am not sure what to do, her baby is due very very soon, she is very busy and I am reluctant to call her but I need to do my 4th step.
Is is posssible to do a 4th step online with someone, perhaps on Skpe?
I didn't mean to highjack your post FHB1.
All the best
Caihong
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
Don't do the 4th step unless you have a scheduled 5th step. I was given (suggested) to take 4 hours the day before we were to do the 5th step, which was about a 5 hour discussion.
My sponsor workS the steps regularly with a sponsor (spiritual advisor is the true label) who works the steps with a sponsor on a regula......(got it?). These people have a solid foundation, go to regular meetings, work with their program, work with others, hold jobs/careers, volunteer their time, have time for religion, too. Basically, they have a well rounded life. Were once so badly alcoholic, homeless, yet today they make a great salary. Gifts of their higher power/program. Hard work in sobriety, just like the effort they put into their drinking.
Read the first 164 pages of the big book. Oman numeral pages, too. Then the appendices, pages 567 to the end. In your "free" time, read the stories. They give hope that the aa program works. Prepare to be useful to others, you may sponsor another person whom you can suggest to them one of the stories to read (awkwardly written, sorry). All of the answers are in the big book. The 12 x 12 was an overview of "what the first 100 did" and was written about 12 years later than the big book!
Peace & prayers to you!
My sponsor workS the steps regularly with a sponsor (spiritual advisor is the true label) who works the steps with a sponsor on a regula......(got it?). These people have a solid foundation, go to regular meetings, work with their program, work with others, hold jobs/careers, volunteer their time, have time for religion, too. Basically, they have a well rounded life. Were once so badly alcoholic, homeless, yet today they make a great salary. Gifts of their higher power/program. Hard work in sobriety, just like the effort they put into their drinking.
Read the first 164 pages of the big book. Oman numeral pages, too. Then the appendices, pages 567 to the end. In your "free" time, read the stories. They give hope that the aa program works. Prepare to be useful to others, you may sponsor another person whom you can suggest to them one of the stories to read (awkwardly written, sorry). All of the answers are in the big book. The 12 x 12 was an overview of "what the first 100 did" and was written about 12 years later than the big book!
Peace & prayers to you!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
That 4th part was written during my 5th, or done when I called my sponsor. I called several times during the 4th as suggested. I wasn't alone. Very important part, with guidance. Yes, sponsors have their own tweaks...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
FHB - I can really relate. I was in the program about 45 days before I finally asked someone to be my sponsor. He was really good in the beginning but I soon grew weary of the hall where I was going to meetings and found other meetings that I really like but he won't change.
A couple of months ago I was at what is now my home group and heard a speaker on birthday night (last Saturday of the month) who was very compelling and who's story I could closely relate. A few weeks ago I asked him if he would be my sponsor. So far it's been very good. He does a great job of reaching out to me as I do him. He respects me as a person AND a recovering alcoholic.
IMHO - while you are still very new to the program and have the vigor to dive in I would try to find someone and even just say you are looking for a temporary sponsor. This will give you a chance to see how you two mesh and if the partnership will help your sobriety. For me, I needed someone who could text or email due to my schedule. My first one would never do that.
Peace
-SPG
A couple of months ago I was at what is now my home group and heard a speaker on birthday night (last Saturday of the month) who was very compelling and who's story I could closely relate. A few weeks ago I asked him if he would be my sponsor. So far it's been very good. He does a great job of reaching out to me as I do him. He respects me as a person AND a recovering alcoholic.
IMHO - while you are still very new to the program and have the vigor to dive in I would try to find someone and even just say you are looking for a temporary sponsor. This will give you a chance to see how you two mesh and if the partnership will help your sobriety. For me, I needed someone who could text or email due to my schedule. My first one would never do that.
Peace
-SPG
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
I don't have a sponsor, so take this with a grain of salt, but I have always heard that it is a good idea to pick someone you admire, who seems to living the life that you are interested in living in some sense. I think a lot of people don't think long enough about who their sponsor should be and sort of pick someone out willy-nilly, so don't be afraid to ask someone to just be a temporary sponsor for the time being if you are not sure who to ask but you don't want to go much longer without one.
Best wishes!
Best wishes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA.
Posts: 123
Thanks StPeteGrad and Josh. I like the idea of asking someone to be my temporary sponsor - I never thought of that. I agree that it probably isn't a good idea to pick a sponsor just for the sake of picking a sponsor. My sobriety is very important to me and I want to make sure that I pick the right person. Thanks again!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
Pray on it. I had someone choose for me, then ended up with that person as my current sponsor. My 1st lives in CA & was temporary, yet she shared her story, we talked, and before she left for home, did back to basics with me (12 steps in 2 days).
On step 9, second time now....
Keep up the great work, FHB1!
On step 9, second time now....
Keep up the great work, FHB1!
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