Pumpkinwaffle

Hello. I have come here looking for support. I am in a terrible mental place right now. I am a 25 yr old female. I have been drinking heavily for the last 5 years. I feel as though I am at a fork in the road. I can either get sober or give up and die . I want very much to be sober. I have been reading alot on this site for the past couple years but never posted . I just need someone to talk to. This past weekend was terrible . I drank the whole time. Even though I worked . I drank a little before and during work just to keep my raging anxiety down. I dont think anyone noticed . I have worked there quite a while. It's a busy stressful kitchen that I work in. I love my job and I don't want to get fired. Sorry I am kind of rambling. Not really able to organize my thoughts right now. I recently started living alone as my girlfriend and I broke up and she moved out. That makes it easier for me to leave beer bottles all over the house and be a drunk slob. I am very close to my mother but she thinks I have been sober for a year or so. I dont feel like I can tell anyone about my problem because I feel so ashamed. I am so upset and mad with myself. I feel I have the potential to do absolutely anything if I put my mind to it but this is pulling so very very far down into a deep hole . I know that I have a drinking problem but yet I still continue to drink. I have been trying to stop drinking fro
The moment I started. My father is a Terrible alcoholic amd it makes me sick to think I am turning into that. I got a DUI 2 years ago... Spent a week in jail. I am a good person . I dont want to hurt anyone. I am tired of hurting myself . I just want to change but I am finding it very difficult to change my habits . Any bit of advice would be much appreciated . Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading

sugarbear1

See a doctor about stopping as it's dangerous to stop abruptly. Try AA meetings or another program. Best wishes!

silly

You're in the right place, Pumpkin.
I was in your situation not so long ago. A young professional woman with a fantastic job and a lot of hopes and dreams. Yet I was literally sitting on the floor of my apartment, drunk, realizing that either I do something or I'd end up dead. I was drinking all day long, switching out bottles of vodka almost daily so my girlfriend wouldn't notice. I had a bottle in my office drawer... The lying and the shame and the fear were going to take my sanity at any point. It was that day that I told my girlfriend my secret.

I didn't get sober right away. I had too many false starts to count. I went to outpatient rehab twice. Went in an ambulance to the ER once. All within less than a year. But I didn't give up on myself and luckily neither did my girlfriend or my best friends and family.

Check out some programs, check out AA, do some reading... NEVER give up on yourself. You are worth fighting for and your life is worth fighting for! But it won't just happen because you want it to happen. You need to get out there and get some help.

Pumpkinwaffle

Thank you so much for the response and reassurance. Its good to know others have been in this situation and gotten through it. I think I will try to find an AA meeting in my area for this evening.

Bleh. I just get so pissed off at myself when I realize how much stupid crap Ive put myself and others through. How could I let that happen and continue to happen. I know I can't keep beating myself up about it but it's so consuming

Anna

Yes, you are a good person and you have a disease.

Alcoholism is not a character defect, it is a disease.

We are here to offer support to you, so please keep reading and posting.

Elisabeth888

Hey Pumpkin!

Start with a Dr. appointment and be honest with him or her. I also strongly recommend the counseling/therapy route. I go to AA, but I realize it is not for everyone.

Try not to beat yourself up. Post often!

goldentony111

hello and welcome

Hevyn

Hi Pumpkin! You can get your life back, and we can help. Please don't be down on yourself - you had the sense to reach out and seek advice. Many never realize what they're doing to themselves.

Alcohol destroyed my life before I realized what needed to be done. This won't happen to you. Everything can be turned around. Please keep talking to us.

Pumpkinwaffle

Thanks guys for your support. Lord knows I need it. This is day 1 . Feeling a little shaky and anxious but nothing life threatening I don't think. I've already had two soaks in the bathtub today trying to calm my nerves . Anyone know of ways to lessen this anxiety a little? It's a bit overwhelming.

Tuesday24

Hi Pumpkin, welcome. This site has been a life saver for me in more ways than one. I find deep breathing helps with anxiety... try treating yourself- go for a walk, sit outside, watch a movie...anything to keep your mind off of it. The early days and weeks are difficult but everyone here has been where you are. Keep posting.

Hevyn

Buffered aspirin seemed to calm me down - but we're not supposed to give medical advice. It would be best if you could see your dr - if possible - detoxing can be dangerous.

I'd stay away from caffeine for awhile, until the worst is over. Fortunately, once it's done - you never have to go back there again. You're doing great.

freshstart57

Hi, Pumpkinwaffle. As said above, you have definitely found the the right place here at SR. Each of our stories is not much different than yours, and many have looked at the same vodka bottle as you did (vodka was my DoC).

It only took me four days sober to realize that alcohol was making my anxiety worse, and my feelings of depression and hopelessness too. Hang in, you will find plenty of support right here.

Zebra1275

Welcome. If you quit drinking you don't ever have to feel this way again.

sbaybay

Hi I am also new here as well and am a recovering opiate addict, I can tell you that the thinking about wanting to quit step is the first and most important step! Good for you! You are so young and very beautiful I am sure. There is so much more to life than drinking to numb your pain, trust me. You can do it! Everyone is here to support you~

Lionne

Welcome, glad you decided to post. Like everyone else said, there's lots of support here. Be gentle to yourself, keep reading and posting. Especially if you feel overwhelmed, it's good to know that you'll find an open ear. The anxiety may be really upsetting but it is true that alcohol makes anxiety worse and at the same time it tricks you into thinking that it will help you calm your nerves. It might feel hardl to bear now, but it will get better if you don't drink. Life can be good again for you and you can do this!

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of SR pumpkinwaffle

We all understand - everyone of us knows where you are - but you're not alone here
the support of the people here really helped me to turn my life around - I know we can help you too

I agree with Anna - alcoholism is not a character defect and I'm with Lionne - be gentle with yourself.

Let today be the day that counts PW - a new beginning

congratulations on day one

D

CaiHong

Pumpkinwaffle,

You mentioned that you work in a kitchen and that it is very stressful. Years ago I was a chef/manager and it was the most tiring, stressful job I ever had. Drinking added to it but drinking was the quick wind down, relaxant for me.

Is it possible to take time out for yourself to get a grip on the situation without the stress of work. Can you have an honest talk to your moher, can she help?

I feel you have the best of intentions but you need help as the above members have suggested.

I sincerely wish you the best along this journey.

CaiHong

Pumpkinwaffle

Thank you all so much for your encouragement . It means alot to me.

CaiHong- yea kitchen work is a tough job. Right now though I am not really able to take time off. It's the winding down after a busy shift I have trouble with. I'm just so amped up and stressed . I have thought about talking to my mom about my problem but I feel like I've disappointed her enough already. She has helped me in the past with this and I just don't want to make her worry more.

c49

Hi Pumpkin,

My advice for the anxiety is deep breathing and lots of orange juice (Vit C). Get some vitamins in you because alcohol will never allow you to absorb the vitamins you need no matter how healthy you eat.

Call 911 if things go bad over the next couple of days. Plenty of us have been where you are and we can promise you the rewards of sobriety are worth the discomfort you are going through

Hevyn

Pumpkin, I think you should talk to your mom. There's nothing disappointing about what you're doing. I think she'd be proud.