Lost... Looking For a New Beginning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 3
Lost... Looking For a New Beginning I am new to soberrecovery.com, and I am hoping those that have been here before can help me.
I still have a hard time admitting that I am an alcoholic, because I do not drink every day. I binge drink on the weekends, but from everything I have read online, that makes me an alcoholic.
Drinking is negatively impacting my life in every facet. Professionally, in relationships, financially, and physically.
I am a 28 year old female, and basically, every weekend, or any day I have the next day off, I binge drink. Once I am buzzed, all I want to do is drink. Any event that I attend (weddings, baseball games, parties, cookouts, family gatherings) where there is alcohol, I get wasted. And I mean WASTED. Black out, fall down drunk.
I end up in situations where other people have to take care of me. I have had countless one night stands due to my drunkeness. I stopped counting after I had slept with 25 guys (years ago). By the grace of god I have never gotten an STD. I have ended up in the hospital, and hurt, and thousands in the hole due to my excessive partying. My usual reaction is to laugh the next day about my night, and feel hungover all day.
I can't repeat this cycle any longer. Now I know that there is nothing I want more than to get married and settle down, but all of my relationships have ended due to my drinking. It breaks my heart every time.
My friends are all big drinkers, but I can't cut them out of my life. They mean too much to me. I feel like I am really shy and awkward when I go out sober. I enjoy a nice beer, or a good glass of wine. I just always end up taking it too far. What do I do? I want to stop this cycle before I die, end up alone, raped, pregnant, or with an STD. Seriously, HELP!:rotfxko
I still have a hard time admitting that I am an alcoholic, because I do not drink every day. I binge drink on the weekends, but from everything I have read online, that makes me an alcoholic.
Drinking is negatively impacting my life in every facet. Professionally, in relationships, financially, and physically.
I am a 28 year old female, and basically, every weekend, or any day I have the next day off, I binge drink. Once I am buzzed, all I want to do is drink. Any event that I attend (weddings, baseball games, parties, cookouts, family gatherings) where there is alcohol, I get wasted. And I mean WASTED. Black out, fall down drunk.
I end up in situations where other people have to take care of me. I have had countless one night stands due to my drunkeness. I stopped counting after I had slept with 25 guys (years ago). By the grace of god I have never gotten an STD. I have ended up in the hospital, and hurt, and thousands in the hole due to my excessive partying. My usual reaction is to laugh the next day about my night, and feel hungover all day.
I can't repeat this cycle any longer. Now I know that there is nothing I want more than to get married and settle down, but all of my relationships have ended due to my drinking. It breaks my heart every time.
My friends are all big drinkers, but I can't cut them out of my life. They mean too much to me. I feel like I am really shy and awkward when I go out sober. I enjoy a nice beer, or a good glass of wine. I just always end up taking it too far. What do I do? I want to stop this cycle before I die, end up alone, raped, pregnant, or with an STD. Seriously, HELP!:rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Somewhere in Florida
Posts: 129
The problem is that YOU can't enjoy a nice beer or good glass of wine. You just can't. Your history with alcohol has proved that. You are an alcoholic. So, if you want what sobriety can offer (a relationship or marriage, kids, career, etc) then you HAVE TO QUIT drinking. That's the bottom line.
I'm sure that other's will pipe in and offer their support or suggestions for you. Just give it some time. Also, you should post this in the alcohol forums as well. I'm sure you'll get some great advice over there.
Welcome to SR! Keep coming back!
IWBF
I'm sure that other's will pipe in and offer their support or suggestions for you. Just give it some time. Also, you should post this in the alcohol forums as well. I'm sure you'll get some great advice over there.
Welcome to SR! Keep coming back!
IWBF
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
My friends are all big drinkers, but I can't cut them out of my life. They mean too much to me.
Are they gonna take you to work when you lose your license?
Are they gonna pay your bills when you are unemployed?
Get the point?
I promise when worst case scenario comes they will be nowhere to be seen.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Alcoholics don't haveto drink daily.
I never drank vodka.
Not sure where you learned the definition, but suffice it to say, you're wrong.
Here's a clue; you found SR. Welcome home! DC and area has 250 meetings of AA daily. Wow!
Find an A A meeting go and listen with an open mind. You may hear your story. I wish I stopped when I was you/your age. You just shared My Story!!!!!
Save yourself 28 more years of self loathing while you can!
I never drank vodka.
Not sure where you learned the definition, but suffice it to say, you're wrong.
Here's a clue; you found SR. Welcome home! DC and area has 250 meetings of AA daily. Wow!
Find an A A meeting go and listen with an open mind. You may hear your story. I wish I stopped when I was you/your age. You just shared My Story!!!!!
Save yourself 28 more years of self loathing while you can!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 81
Welcome to SR dogdays! Congratulations on taking the step to get here. I have a very similar story to you, although I am younger (21). I am also a binge drinker and I was never able to control myself. As a result of my drinking, I have had many one night stands, I have gotten pregnant but I didn't get an std either. My first step was SR, with my second being to cut people out of my life. It was a hard thing to do, but it was necessary. I didn't cut all of them out, but the ones I kept do definitely drink still. However, knowing that our relationship hadn't changed just because I had gotten sober made me realize that they were true friends. The others would have left me when I needed them most, just like stang said.
I just want you to know that things do get better. It was difficult to admit that I was an alcoholic, and it took me a while to accept. I still haven't entirely accepted it, but the fact that I never have to regret anything that I have done under the influence has kept me going. Life is entirely different now, for the better.
Good luck with everything, if you stay strong and continue on this path you will feel so empowered and free from the burdens that drinking brings.
I just want you to know that things do get better. It was difficult to admit that I was an alcoholic, and it took me a while to accept. I still haven't entirely accepted it, but the fact that I never have to regret anything that I have done under the influence has kept me going. Life is entirely different now, for the better.
Good luck with everything, if you stay strong and continue on this path you will feel so empowered and free from the burdens that drinking brings.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Welcome to SR.
If your friends really are true friends than they should be supportive of your decision to quit drinking. There's lots of stuff you can so with your friends that doen't have to involve drinking.
If your friends really are true friends than they should be supportive of your decision to quit drinking. There's lots of stuff you can so with your friends that doen't have to involve drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Lots of great advice here DogDays
I drank for 20 years. It was misery and pain for a lot of those 20 years, particularly in the latter part.
I have a great life and a lot of happiness and fulfilment now I'm sober - but I had to make a lot of changes to get here.
I hope you'll decide to make some changes too - you're not alone here
Welcome
D
I drank for 20 years. It was misery and pain for a lot of those 20 years, particularly in the latter part.
I have a great life and a lot of happiness and fulfilment now I'm sober - but I had to make a lot of changes to get here.
I hope you'll decide to make some changes too - you're not alone here
Welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
'Nice' beer has nearly ripped my stomach out in the past.
Many a 'good' glass of wine has caused me to black out.
It can be difficult to see alcohol for what it is as it's a very deceptive drug.
The people who can only have one glass of wine simply don't want anymore of the stuff. I on the other hand craved the oblivion/release it brought.
Welcome to SR!
Many a 'good' glass of wine has caused me to black out.
It can be difficult to see alcohol for what it is as it's a very deceptive drug.
The people who can only have one glass of wine simply don't want anymore of the stuff. I on the other hand craved the oblivion/release it brought.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 217
Welcome to SR Dogdays, you made the right choice joining, there are a lot of friends on here that are willing to help.
I have never had a problem with booze, its always the pills or powders for me so I am not going to try to tell you how hard it is because I havent experienced that. But I know you have the support you need here, that I DO KNOW!!!
I have never had a problem with booze, its always the pills or powders for me so I am not going to try to tell you how hard it is because I havent experienced that. But I know you have the support you need here, that I DO KNOW!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
Wow, your story sounds a LOT like mine - drinking to blackout, random one night stands, all that fun stuff...I didn't binge drink, though. It was always daily for me.
I didn't want to cut friends out of my life, either. In some cases, when it was a really good relationship (ie we weren't solely drinking buddies - they are NOT actually friends), I simply told them that I wasn't drinking and I would appreciate their support by not inviting me out to bars, by not inviting me places where alcohol was being served freely, or anywhere that I would be tempted in my early days of quitting drinking and by being willing to hang out with me sober and do sober stuff sometimes. I'd never ask anyone not to drink because of me, but if they're truly your friends, they should be willing to spend some sober nights with you. Those who weren't willing to do that had to go. And you could always do the AA thing and meet some new friends, there, too! A sober support group is super important...I'm finally starting to accept that I just can't do this alone - I need people to help me get out of my own head sometimes.
I didn't want to cut friends out of my life, either. In some cases, when it was a really good relationship (ie we weren't solely drinking buddies - they are NOT actually friends), I simply told them that I wasn't drinking and I would appreciate their support by not inviting me out to bars, by not inviting me places where alcohol was being served freely, or anywhere that I would be tempted in my early days of quitting drinking and by being willing to hang out with me sober and do sober stuff sometimes. I'd never ask anyone not to drink because of me, but if they're truly your friends, they should be willing to spend some sober nights with you. Those who weren't willing to do that had to go. And you could always do the AA thing and meet some new friends, there, too! A sober support group is super important...I'm finally starting to accept that I just can't do this alone - I need people to help me get out of my own head sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 85
As for your friends: just because you stop drinking doesn't mean that you have to cut them out completely. What surprised me most when I quit was that the most important people in my life (my friends, my husband, my family) slowly began to morph around me, changing their behaviors and activities, (slightly, over time) because they loved me and wanted me to be a part of their lives. It all just happened, without any decrees being made.
My husband still drinks, but not to the extent that we both were drinking -- and I notice now that he drinks A LOT LESS than I thought he was drinking. (When I was drinking like you drink, I thought everyone was drinking like that as well.)
So don't feel like you have to suddenly find a new batch of friends. The puzzle pieces will shift to fit to your new self.
My husband still drinks, but not to the extent that we both were drinking -- and I notice now that he drinks A LOT LESS than I thought he was drinking. (When I was drinking like you drink, I thought everyone was drinking like that as well.)
So don't feel like you have to suddenly find a new batch of friends. The puzzle pieces will shift to fit to your new self.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 57
As you have seen Dog Days you will find a lot of support and encouragement here at SR it is also a good place to vent and share what you are going through with out the fear of retaliation. If you have an issue as whether your are or are not an alcoholic take the risk and see how long you can go without drinking and no cheating. I would highly recommend that you go to an AA meeting and purchase a Big Book it is kind of like the bible of AA. You will find out how to start working a new life of sobriety and read many stories of others that have an issue with alcohol and suffer from the disease of addiction. Take it slow this is a one day at a time program. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Hi DogDays, glad you are here! You'll find lots of support here. Like others have said, don't worry about your friends. If they are truly friends, they will support your sobriety. I have definitely had to leave some people behind, people that I thought were the best, but looking back, the good times I had with them were all centered around alcohol. I've had to cut back socially, but that's probably a good thing in this economy!
It's good that you admitted you have a problem now, and before you're in much deeper trouble and it's harder to get straight. I am two years older than you and have had similar problems - binge drinking and not being able to stop at one - gotta have seven or eight. You should be proud that you had the courage to take a hard look at yourself and make positive decisions to be better!
It's good that you admitted you have a problem now, and before you're in much deeper trouble and it's harder to get straight. I am two years older than you and have had similar problems - binge drinking and not being able to stop at one - gotta have seven or eight. You should be proud that you had the courage to take a hard look at yourself and make positive decisions to be better!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Dogdays
Glad you made it here. The hardest part is admitting that you are an alcoholic/ a problem drinker and that you can never drink again.
Know that, to the very being of yourself. Reading your post I am in no doubt and I can see that alcohol is ruining your life.
Next get some help, I use AA. Do whatever it takes to get sober.
This is so important
CaiHong
Glad you made it here. The hardest part is admitting that you are an alcoholic/ a problem drinker and that you can never drink again.
Know that, to the very being of yourself. Reading your post I am in no doubt and I can see that alcohol is ruining your life.
Next get some help, I use AA. Do whatever it takes to get sober.
This is so important
CaiHong
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR! I'm so glad you joined -- this place has been a tremendous source of support for me and I'm sure that you will find the same.
I completely understand what you mean when you talk about your life being centered around drinking. My life was completely structured around drinking because that was the only thing I cared about in life.
When it comes to friends, I know what you mean about it being difficult. I am a pretty introverted person, so it was very difficult to make the decision to move on in some friendships. The truth is, if your friends are as involved in drinking as your are then likely once you get sober you will discover they will end up distancing themselves from you. I had some friends that feigned interest in maintaining a friendship with the sober me, but once they found out I was serious about trying to stay clean they had no interest in hanging out with me any more. Bottom line is, friends do not equal drinking buddies. For me, some of the people that had been in my life for 6, 7 or 8 years turned out to be real flakes when I got clean.
Anyways, best wishes to you in your attempts to stay sober!
I completely understand what you mean when you talk about your life being centered around drinking. My life was completely structured around drinking because that was the only thing I cared about in life.
When it comes to friends, I know what you mean about it being difficult. I am a pretty introverted person, so it was very difficult to make the decision to move on in some friendships. The truth is, if your friends are as involved in drinking as your are then likely once you get sober you will discover they will end up distancing themselves from you. I had some friends that feigned interest in maintaining a friendship with the sober me, but once they found out I was serious about trying to stay clean they had no interest in hanging out with me any more. Bottom line is, friends do not equal drinking buddies. For me, some of the people that had been in my life for 6, 7 or 8 years turned out to be real flakes when I got clean.
Anyways, best wishes to you in your attempts to stay sober!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 193
Welcome, keep coming back! Lots of different people here who genuinely want to help and have great advice
I was a binge drinker just like you. I struggled with the idea of getting sober for a long time because I was viewing it as "I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN?" It helps to realize that you get sober a single day at a time. Don't think too far out into the future.
I also struggled with admitting I had a problem or thinking about stopping because a) I didn't drink every day and didn't always get wasted drunk and b) All of my friends drank like me and they seemed to carry on fine.
The first thing I had to do was really look at my drinking which it looks like you have. The reality for me was the fact that I was progressing into more and more dangerous drinking. I would never black out initially, I threw up or "fell asleep." Then in time I started blacking out. Maybe once or twice in a year. Then it was a monthly occurrence. I never binged more than a night early on, then over a few years it extended to two nights. Then came the dui, and continued driving under the influence after the dui. Until finally I was like this is insane.
I know what you mean about the friends thing. For me I ended up going to rehab, you know how many of my drinking buddies at the pub called to check up on me when I got out? Zero. Now don't get me wrong I still have some friends that I used to drink with, but they openly know about my struggle and are very considerate when we're going to be hanging out. Think of it as a friends litmus test, the real ones will still be there once you let them know you want to get sober.
Anyway,
I was a binge drinker just like you. I struggled with the idea of getting sober for a long time because I was viewing it as "I CAN NEVER DRINK AGAIN?" It helps to realize that you get sober a single day at a time. Don't think too far out into the future.
I also struggled with admitting I had a problem or thinking about stopping because a) I didn't drink every day and didn't always get wasted drunk and b) All of my friends drank like me and they seemed to carry on fine.
The first thing I had to do was really look at my drinking which it looks like you have. The reality for me was the fact that I was progressing into more and more dangerous drinking. I would never black out initially, I threw up or "fell asleep." Then in time I started blacking out. Maybe once or twice in a year. Then it was a monthly occurrence. I never binged more than a night early on, then over a few years it extended to two nights. Then came the dui, and continued driving under the influence after the dui. Until finally I was like this is insane.
I know what you mean about the friends thing. For me I ended up going to rehab, you know how many of my drinking buddies at the pub called to check up on me when I got out? Zero. Now don't get me wrong I still have some friends that I used to drink with, but they openly know about my struggle and are very considerate when we're going to be hanging out. Think of it as a friends litmus test, the real ones will still be there once you let them know you want to get sober.
Anyway,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
