eddie73

I am tired of trying to carry on and pick myself up. The effort of getting sober and living sober is daunting. I feel angst and fear at the prospect of having to deal with myself. I am so exhausted by this task.

However, I must keep trying and doing whatever it takes. I am in a bad place, but in a week or 2 I will look back on this post and sigh with relief.

Dee74

I look back Eddie, and I have no idea how I used to live as I did - the physical toll alone was enough - but add the mental anguish too?

You have my empathy my friend - I hope the journey back to wellness is a quick one for you - and that this last time was the last time.

You deserve better, Eddie

D

Fandy

sometimes it takes all of your energy just to stay sober...and that's OK too. you will feel better physicially and mentally as your body heals....you don't have to keep up appearances, just treat yourself as if you've been really sick and don't expect to run marathons, just stay sober and rest your body.

hope you feel better tomorrow.

Anna

Eddie, it's worth the effort that you are putting into it. But, be sure to be kind to yourself.

least

Never give up.

SSIL75

depression after a binge is awful. I remember it well.

are you being treated for your chronic depression?

Fiftyeight

hey eddie you should be proud of the fact that you are not like many of the addicts out there who just take the easy road and keep on down the same road. You show you care about your life and want to change. You are exhausted because you are not doing this half a$$ed. Keep on doing it the right way and you will make it.

sugarbear1

Thanks for your honesty. Every new sober day is a new beginning. Keep up the hard work!

eddie73

I wish it were more simple. I am in a cruel place when sober. I have heard this in the rooms as well, how some alcoholics cry for the loss of a friend. I never felt that way about it, but the sobriety part of dealing with myself and my emotions and the world is nigh impossible.

My last chance is step 3. I cant do this alone. I have spoken to my sponsor about this,, he is a very understanding and kind man. he swears things will get better, but only if I dont isolate or stop the daily prayers. This frightens me as I have been doing this.

I have hardly slept for 3 nights. My stomach is in a knot, I get a feeling of dread when I look back and forward.

I wish I could go somewhere and wake up feeling a lot better. If it doesnt improve by Monday I will be going to a hospital as I am finally defeated.

eddie73

re SSIL75,

Yes I am on medication. I have dysthymia and recurring major depression. I have been treated as an out patient in hospital for it. I feel that this time I may need to go in. I am in a bad place and feel so unhuman.

Tiny improvements will be my yardstick for recovery. God grant me the serenity.

SSIL75

I know the healthcare where you are isn't great. My friend's dad has been in and out for years with bipolar. Although it's a lot better than it was, apparently.

Peace to you.

IWILLBFREE

Don't be afraid to reach out and get the help you need! If that means a hospital stay, then so be it! You don't have to continue feeling this way when there is help for it. I too, suffer from bipolar. Mine is pretty mild but I've been on a good combo of meds for years. When I initially got sober, I had to have my meds re-adjusted b/c I got very depressed. It's scary to be in such a dark place. I'll be keeping you in my prayers!

Keep us posted on how you're doing!

IWBF/Mel

LoftyIdeals

Fight weary! Those are the words that a famous sports psychologist I saw speak yesterday said to the group. It is at that moment that we are often on a precipice to a new level of progress. We have to plod through the weary moments, step by step, day by day, minute by minute, toward victory. Choose victory! This morning, I read the "don't quit" thread. The first page of thread (the earliest posts) recited a favorite poem of mine, called Don't Quit. I urge you to read it, print it, and put it on your fridge or mirror.

LoftyIdeals

Here is the poem:

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Opivotal

I admire you for hanging on Eddie. Please do check into the hospital if you need to. There is no shame in it. You need to save yourself anyway you can. I know when you find yourself looking back you will be glad you did. Take good care of yourself....your worth it!



Best Wishes To You!