whereisthisgoin

This tacks on to the other post about the ebb and flow of grief. I have been feeling so conflicted (my stbxah moved out mid-July) - dealt with that for a few days and finally these words came tumbling out onto my journal. Maybe they will help you too:

Your heart can ache even if you are on the right path.
You can have feelings of loss and missing and still be on your correct path.
Keep moving.
Time and perspective will provide clarity and happiness.
Goodbyes are difficult but they don't have to be. Especially if staying was killing the very essence of you.

jayjay1882

So very, very true! So nice to have a reminder.
Thanks for sharing!

soberlicious

I think it is sometimes hard for people to realize that it's perfectly ok to have two or more opposing feeings at once. I don't have to feel only one way about something. One single thing can bring me relief and cause me pain at the same time. Instead of trying to understand it, I just let the feelings pass through me. I feel them and let them go. Your journeling must be a very powerful tool for you. Thanks for sharing your words, whereisthisgoing. Peace to you...

lillamy

Thank you!!! That is so true. The new man in my life keeps reminding me that life isn't just the fun stuff, the sunny days, the evenings when you laugh so hard your sides ache. Life is also pain, grief, trauma, and also rainy Tuesday nights in November with storebought fishsticks and mushy green peas.

It's all part of life. The pain too.

It's taken me a very long time to realize that pain and hurt and grief doesn't kill me. It just hurts. And I have to remind myself that I didn't always feel the pain. And I'm not always going to. But right now, I feel the pain. And that's OK, too. It's just pain. It's just a feeling. We want desperately to make it go away, and FAST -- but it's not necessary. It will go away. And until then, it's just pain.

rorty

I totally relate to this. I will just add that not feeling pain doesn't change the rate at which you recover from a relationship poisoned by alcoholism. There is an element to your soul which must recover. My pain feels like a valve. I can turn it on and turn it off. No contact helps keep it off. Mostly when I'm by myself at night I just let it run. It feels like a bathtub filling up with sorrow and pain. There is something euphoric about the pain. Maybe the new pain pushes the old pain out. Maybe it just needs to leave my body. But even when I switch the suffering off I still feel empty. That is because there is a wound on my heart which hasn't healed. I'm not done with this chapter of my life yet. I know that I haven't made the commitment to myself to move on. Its going to take some time. I have to accept that.

whereisthisgoin

I was getting confused, thinking that if my heart felt so much pain, then maybe I should be back together with him.

Then I thunk myself in the head when I think about all the crap I endured.

And remind myself that in the absence of him in the house, there is also a renewed peace and calm that hasn't been here in years.