Operation: Save myself!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: georgia
Posts: 45
Operation: Save myself!
One more week! I have to endure my AH for one more week! I'll be enjoying a good book on my screened in porch of my new apartment next Friday night...that's the plan!
It's amazing how SR has given me a newfound stregnth and courage, and the realization that change is ok! Change can be great.
He has chosen not to seek any professional help for his 20 years of addiction on various drugs/alcohol, his plan it to simply read the bible more and communicate daily with his father, who is a pastor. We've already gone this route...twice.
He won't change, so I WILL!
I will NOT doubt that internal voice of mine anymore! I will not let my 4 and 5 year old daughters see their mommy in a state of panic anymore.
I need to recover myself...this codepency thing has been HUGE for me. I had NO IDEA what it even was before SR!
I'm excited and terrified about the coming week. I know there's NO WAY I would have stuck with the plan ( the now 2 year old plan,lol) if not for SR and all of you wonderful people and your support.
Just giving my update....still moving, still stressed, a little afraid, but SOOOOO anxious and EXCITED about my future for the first time in YEARS!
I CAN DO THIS!!!! WOOHOOO!
It's amazing how SR has given me a newfound stregnth and courage, and the realization that change is ok! Change can be great.
He has chosen not to seek any professional help for his 20 years of addiction on various drugs/alcohol, his plan it to simply read the bible more and communicate daily with his father, who is a pastor. We've already gone this route...twice.
He won't change, so I WILL!
I will NOT doubt that internal voice of mine anymore! I will not let my 4 and 5 year old daughters see their mommy in a state of panic anymore.
I need to recover myself...this codepency thing has been HUGE for me. I had NO IDEA what it even was before SR!
I'm excited and terrified about the coming week. I know there's NO WAY I would have stuck with the plan ( the now 2 year old plan,lol) if not for SR and all of you wonderful people and your support.
Just giving my update....still moving, still stressed, a little afraid, but SOOOOO anxious and EXCITED about my future for the first time in YEARS!
I CAN DO THIS!!!! WOOHOOO!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Tacoma, WA
Posts: 57
That's a big Kudoos for you enablingwife!
sometimes its not easy to make a change from the old way of life but in the end if done for the right reasons it will turn out to be a blessing. If you and the children have been suffering any form of abuse from his alcoholic actions by all means get out and stay out. As you mentioned this isn't the first time you've heard his empty promisses. Its pretty apparent he is not serious and is still stuck in the pit of denile. Maybe your separation will help him but not likely at this point. Whatever you do don't go back. You can still be friends without living together. With time you will see how serious he is. Right now you need to focus on you and your children.
I hope my post doesn't offend you or anyone else. It is ment with only good intentions. I was the alcoholic h/f and suffered two divorces and a twenty year meaningless relationship with my two daughters. Nobody really wanted to be around me when I was drinking. I was blind to how I affectted those around me when drinking and really didn't care because I was drunk. It wasn't that I didn't love and care about them but I was suffering from the disease of alcoholism and addiction. That in no-way excusses or justifies my actions as an individual. One of my worst faults was my verbal abuse directed to those I supposedly loved. It was pittiful and discusting how I easily I could cut-up, tear-down, and demoralise the ones closest to me. In my opinion verbale abuse can be one of the most damanging to our loved ones. Anyway this is just a part of my story I hope it helps you in some way. Hang in there you are doing the right thing.
sometimes its not easy to make a change from the old way of life but in the end if done for the right reasons it will turn out to be a blessing. If you and the children have been suffering any form of abuse from his alcoholic actions by all means get out and stay out. As you mentioned this isn't the first time you've heard his empty promisses. Its pretty apparent he is not serious and is still stuck in the pit of denile. Maybe your separation will help him but not likely at this point. Whatever you do don't go back. You can still be friends without living together. With time you will see how serious he is. Right now you need to focus on you and your children.I hope my post doesn't offend you or anyone else. It is ment with only good intentions. I was the alcoholic h/f and suffered two divorces and a twenty year meaningless relationship with my two daughters. Nobody really wanted to be around me when I was drinking. I was blind to how I affectted those around me when drinking and really didn't care because I was drunk. It wasn't that I didn't love and care about them but I was suffering from the disease of alcoholism and addiction. That in no-way excusses or justifies my actions as an individual. One of my worst faults was my verbal abuse directed to those I supposedly loved. It was pittiful and discusting how I easily I could cut-up, tear-down, and demoralise the ones closest to me. In my opinion verbale abuse can be one of the most damanging to our loved ones. Anyway this is just a part of my story I hope it helps you in some way. Hang in there you are doing the right thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: georgia
Posts: 45
Thanks artist :0)
Lilotto, I am not at all offended by your post, only reassured. It's addicts and former addicts who often have the most powerful and truthful posts regarding my situation.
He is certainly unaware of how his addictions effect us as a family.
He is rarely verbally abusive...largely because I avoid any REAL conversations that may provoke him. He is simply UNAVAILABLE...CHECKED OUT...ABSENT...A FLY ON THE WALL.
The sad thing is he thinks he's father of the year. Poor guy.
As for my future plans, I can say with honesty that I have no intentions of coming back. Once I'm done, I'm done. He will always be my girls' father, it's up to him to take care of himself so that he can be the father he once was, when he they were babies.
This may never happen and I'm ok with that.
Lilotto, I am not at all offended by your post, only reassured. It's addicts and former addicts who often have the most powerful and truthful posts regarding my situation.
He is certainly unaware of how his addictions effect us as a family.
He is rarely verbally abusive...largely because I avoid any REAL conversations that may provoke him. He is simply UNAVAILABLE...CHECKED OUT...ABSENT...A FLY ON THE WALL.
The sad thing is he thinks he's father of the year. Poor guy.
As for my future plans, I can say with honesty that I have no intentions of coming back. Once I'm done, I'm done. He will always be my girls' father, it's up to him to take care of himself so that he can be the father he once was, when he they were babies.
This may never happen and I'm ok with that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 127
Thanks for sharing . . . your words are encourging! I feel as though I may be ready to make the step to end things with my AH. I am still sorting through the mess. Good luck to you and your family! I'm sure good things are in store for you : )
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
He won't change, so I WILL!
How inspired that is!
I had a harrowing journey when I separated from my X. The move was crazy and I still shake my head at how it all went down. Still marvel that I could even manage such a thing on my own with all my furry babies in a panic and counting on me to make it okay. Not to mention to subsequent moves after that until I landed in a nest truly my own.
SR kept me grounded, kept me going. I think I would have been far more fearful in all that time if I didn't have the thought from being here on these forums that there had been so many before me. Even when I doubted myself, I fought that back by the knowledge that I could make it all happen and could embark on my new life because others had done it and wrote about it here.
I wrote about my journey and my ups along the way in the hopes someone else would read it and find courage in it.
So pleased to see you taking a stand for your recovery and your health and the health of your children and so proud you are here writing about it and giving others who follow your story, and they will, the courage to do the same.
You can do this! A week from today isn't so far away, you'll see
Alice
How inspired that is!
I had a harrowing journey when I separated from my X. The move was crazy and I still shake my head at how it all went down. Still marvel that I could even manage such a thing on my own with all my furry babies in a panic and counting on me to make it okay. Not to mention to subsequent moves after that until I landed in a nest truly my own.
SR kept me grounded, kept me going. I think I would have been far more fearful in all that time if I didn't have the thought from being here on these forums that there had been so many before me. Even when I doubted myself, I fought that back by the knowledge that I could make it all happen and could embark on my new life because others had done it and wrote about it here.
I wrote about my journey and my ups along the way in the hopes someone else would read it and find courage in it.
So pleased to see you taking a stand for your recovery and your health and the health of your children and so proud you are here writing about it and giving others who follow your story, and they will, the courage to do the same.
You can do this! A week from today isn't so far away, you'll see
Alice
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