rainbowwishes

Hi everyone

I'm on day 4 and as a 2-3 times a week heavy binge drinker (for the last 13 years) getting through to day 5 is tough. But I am really determined and focussed and grateful to have the newly discovered support of this community.

A part of me really yearns to get drunk tonight, it will nag at me all day, so when I woke up this morning I decided to a) go to a meeting tonight and b) write a list of all the unpleasant things I will avoid if I stay sober. I figure it will help so here goes:

My list of things I will be glad to free of tonight:

Feeling ashamed about starting drinking in front of the kids before I go out
Feeling guilty about going out to get drunk rather than doing something worthwhile
Feeling guilty about spending £50 on alcohol
Feeling embarrassed ordering so many drinks at the bar
Worrying while talking to people at the pub that I appear drunk
Feeling cold and uncomfortable, hungry and tired but needing to keep drinking
Talking to people I don't really enjoy talking to out of desperation - as long as I can carry on drinking.
Making a fool of myself while drunk
Feeling like a loser
Feeling frustrated with myself for being in a rut
Feeling low, lonely and sad (and the huge effort to appear oh so happy )
The feeling of panic and desperation when closing time approaches.
Staggering home drunk - sometimes not making it home in time to wee
Worrying whether one of the kids might see me drunk
Feeling absolutely dreadful on waking and having to go through the next day feeling rough.

Wow - seeing all those things sure does help me to feel motivated! I hope it might help other people too to remember the uglyness of getting drunk. I would love to hear from anyone about what they are glad to avoid by staying sober and I hope we all wake up with pride tomorrow after a day of sobriety today. Wishing you all strength and serenity xx

rainbowwishes

Just checking back in to say I feel low and lonely now - it's a rollercoaster of emotions today. I started feeling down when I found out that a friend is coming to my local tonight who I enjoy drinking with. It made me feel depressed - I don't really know why. I am sad that no one yet has found something useful in what I said or has replied but I hope someone might soon. I must be patient - I only posted an hour ago!! Guess I'm a bit desperate. Still hoping to make it to day 5.

Kablume

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and depressed Rainbow. It is not unusual for your emotions to be up and down in a short period of time. I remember mine being all over the place. I like what you posted earlier. Very positive! I hope you still go to a meeting. They always help me feel better.
****{Hugs}}}

eJoshua

Don't be depressed. Friends come and go, and drinking budddies are not as good friends once you cut the drinking part out.

Keep looking at your list and thinking about what you won't miss, and soon enough you'll be able to write a list of the things you love about sobriety; things that you would miss if you ever drank again.

Best wishes

SSIL75

This really bears repeating! As an alcoholic my whole life revolved around alcohol. Recovery has meant building a new life full of real things that give back. Living in the real(er) world now I see that normal people have alcohol as a tiny portion of their lives. I really don't miss a thing. I bet you won't either!

To day 5!

OorWullie

Hi Rainbowwishes, I'm struggling a bit too now the weekend is here but reading the posts on this forum has helped. I did six days without a drink until wednesday past when I gave in and bought some wine but I've not touched alcohol since and I wont today. I liked your list, particularly the remark about speaking to people you don;t really enjoy being with. I can relate to that as there's a pub about 50 yards from my home which I've been drinking in for two years. I usually drink in the house before I go there as
1- i'm a bit shy without a drink
and
2 - I really dont enjoy talking to any of the people there when I'm sober as I have little in common with them. Hence I get hammered. It's sad.
Boredom is a factor I suppose and because I live on my own and work from home I often feel the need to go drinking just for the company. But I wont today.
good luck.

rainbowwishes

Thanks everyone for your support - I really, really appreciate it. I am very restless and up and down today - I will be so pleased with myself if I get through to tomorrow sober!!!

SSIL75

That's OK and totally normal! I was in a fog at first, then my brain was kind of on overdrive (lots of vivid fantasies, almost like a teenager), then I stabilized.

As an alcoholic I was woefully devoid of normal skills and it wasn't always easy to figure stuff out. Just reminding myself that drinking was not an option (What is it... "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind") kept me going. Also DOING something when I felt uncomfortable was crucial. Even getting a cup of coffee. As an alcoholic I was so used to sitting on my butt 'thinking'.

Feelings follow action!

rainbowwishes

I'm now listening to every motivational song I can think of!! I just have to get through to 20.00 when the AA meeting is - only 5 hours now. I still don't know if I can make it . . I'm also doing a couple of tasks that I've put off doing for ages, which feels good , I think. I feel so uncomfortable and unsettled. I think I just have to have faith that this will pass.

SindyLuhu

Rainbow...great topic! Stay strong today.

I can add to your list of things I won't miss by drinking...
..forgetting things the kids told me.
...feeling foggy the next day
...waking up with my makeup still on....sort of...
...feeling like a failure all day long
...needing to take a nap the next day just to get thru the day

Stay strong!!

artsoul

That's a great list, rainbow. It's rocky at first, I know..... my thoughts and emotions changed every 5 seconds. The cravings do pass, though, so hang in there.

I spent hours on this forum in the first days- it really helped. Eating something helps too. Be patient with yourself, better days are ahead.....:ghug3

CaiHong

Thanks for the list rainbow, yours was the first post I read this morning and it is a great start and reminder for the day how awful drinking can be for us.
Do stay strong, it is worth it.

CaiHong

gr8t2bme

That's a great start on a road to sobriety. If we remember the negatives of drinking that also help me. I'm struggling badly right now. So I wanted to list what I hate about drinking;

I black out and can't remember what I said or did the night before.
Ruined a friendship
No hesitation to get in the car and drive when drinking
Waking up the next morning with anxiety trying to remember the night before.
Fell and smacked my head against a table.
Took 12 klonopin while drinking then called the hospital and they sent a cop to get me.
My daughter finding me drunk twice on the floor.
Horrible hangover the next day.
Go to the casino and lose hundreds of dollars while gambling.
Hate myself for drinking.

Theresa