My First AA Meeting...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 26
My First AA Meeting...
...kinda sucked, to put it politely.
I went last night. I don't think I've ever been more terrified of anything in my life, but I forced myself to go, after the recommendations of my friends, my family doctor, and, well, some members here.
I attended with an open mind and an intention to be brutally honest about my situation.
There were about 25 people in the room. I didn't know the protocol, but when it came time to speak, the person on my left went first, so I figured I was supposed to go next. I admitted I had a serious problem, and really wanted to stop drinking.
What happened after that was extremely depressing. About ten members of the group bragged about their days, weeks, months and years of sobriety, yet were obviously nowhere close to sober, or even coherent, for that matter. I might as well have been in a bar room. Except, at least there, the customers wouldn't be hiding their drinks.
But that wasn't even the saddest part. What really broke my heart was the people who were truly trying to talk honestly. Many of those members who'd already had their say promptly scraped chairs, interrupted the next speakers and left the room. And those were the polite ones.
The meeting leader himself couldn't be bothered to listen, and he didn't even pretend to. He called the meeting to a close early, saying something about his having been on vacation and being tired, and if anyone else 'wanted to share', then go find someone. I wish I could say he was the rudest person in the room, but I'd have to give that trophy to the guy on his right who made mocking little 'yap yap' hand gestures when he deemed someone had spoken too long.
Keep coming back? Yeah, I don't think so. I've been told that if the first meeting doesn't work for you, then find another one. Maybe if I had unlimited years in my life, patience for jerks, income, resources and cab fare, I would do just that.
I went last night. I don't think I've ever been more terrified of anything in my life, but I forced myself to go, after the recommendations of my friends, my family doctor, and, well, some members here.
I attended with an open mind and an intention to be brutally honest about my situation.
There were about 25 people in the room. I didn't know the protocol, but when it came time to speak, the person on my left went first, so I figured I was supposed to go next. I admitted I had a serious problem, and really wanted to stop drinking.
What happened after that was extremely depressing. About ten members of the group bragged about their days, weeks, months and years of sobriety, yet were obviously nowhere close to sober, or even coherent, for that matter. I might as well have been in a bar room. Except, at least there, the customers wouldn't be hiding their drinks.
But that wasn't even the saddest part. What really broke my heart was the people who were truly trying to talk honestly. Many of those members who'd already had their say promptly scraped chairs, interrupted the next speakers and left the room. And those were the polite ones.
The meeting leader himself couldn't be bothered to listen, and he didn't even pretend to. He called the meeting to a close early, saying something about his having been on vacation and being tired, and if anyone else 'wanted to share', then go find someone. I wish I could say he was the rudest person in the room, but I'd have to give that trophy to the guy on his right who made mocking little 'yap yap' hand gestures when he deemed someone had spoken too long.
Keep coming back? Yeah, I don't think so. I've been told that if the first meeting doesn't work for you, then find another one. Maybe if I had unlimited years in my life, patience for jerks, income, resources and cab fare, I would do just that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
If you keep on drinking, you will have even fewer years in your life, and they probably won't be very pleasant, certainly not at the end. If you quit, you'll have a better quality of life, and all the money saved from not drinking will almost be like a pay raise. Ever do the math on what it costs to maintain your addiction?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by lilacgirl 
... I might as well have been in a bar room. Except, at least there, the customers wouldn't be hiding their drinks.
10% - great
20% - good
40% - fair
20% - poor
10% - living hell
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
lilacgirl, congrats on getting the courage to go to you first meeting. I know it can be terrifying. I'm so sorry to hear it was a horrible experience. Even though you probably don't want to, I would recommend trying a different meeting. What Boleo says I find to be true. I love my home group but there are plenty of meetings that make me nuts. Sometimes it's because I'm extra inpatient that day and sometimes it's because the people in the meetings aren't very well that day. Whatever the reason, it happens. For me, it did get better. Must to my surprise, I actually got to the point where I wanted to go to meetings. Maybe that won't happen for you but why not give it a fair shot?
If AA isn't for you, there are many people here at SR that have been successful using other methods.
If AA isn't for you, there are many people here at SR that have been successful using other methods.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 26
Thanks, guys. I didn't mean to cause offense or insult your group. Was just talking about my own experience. If AA works for you, then that's fantastic. I want to give it another chance, but to be honest, I don't have much time and/or money left to bet on 'maybes'. I need help now.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Please try another meeting. That one doesn't reflect AA very well. We have traditions, principles, concepts and steps.
One meeting is not sufficient to judge this entire program or the fellowship. Try listening to some speakers online. Some of those are real AA meetings that have been taped, others are conferences or special occasions.
You typed "I need help now." Yet there's no quick fix to our disease/problem!
Prayers to you!
One meeting is not sufficient to judge this entire program or the fellowship. Try listening to some speakers online. Some of those are real AA meetings that have been taped, others are conferences or special occasions.
You typed "I need help now." Yet there's no quick fix to our disease/problem!
Prayers to you!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Lilacgirl, AA isn't the only way to quit. If you truly want to quit and improve your life, you can.
I have. enough to buy a house. shocking on paper.
Originally Posted by AVRT
Ever do the math on what it costs to maintain your addiction?
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I don't think anyone took offense ...... at least I know I didn't. Not at all.
For me, the quality of the meetings is but a small part of my recovery in AA. I have found the really important parts are 1) my willingness 2) my honesty 3) my sponsor 4) working the steps.
Don't get me wrong, meetings are very important but it's just not high on the list for me.
That being said, the way you described the meeting you went to, I probably would have walked out early. It's not a description of any meeting I've ever been to and I've been to a lot. Find a group you like and stick with it for a while.
The way I describe my recovery in AA is "doing a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do". I was so desperate and out of ideas so I just did it. Some days I'm still surprise how different my life is today (and it's far from perfect). I know my life is better today not only because I quit drinking but because I got a sponsor and worked the steps. It still surprises me some days.
Whatever path you take, I wish you well on your journey. SR has been a big part of my recovery as well.
For me, the quality of the meetings is but a small part of my recovery in AA. I have found the really important parts are 1) my willingness 2) my honesty 3) my sponsor 4) working the steps.
Don't get me wrong, meetings are very important but it's just not high on the list for me.
That being said, the way you described the meeting you went to, I probably would have walked out early. It's not a description of any meeting I've ever been to and I've been to a lot. Find a group you like and stick with it for a while.
The way I describe my recovery in AA is "doing a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do". I was so desperate and out of ideas so I just did it. Some days I'm still surprise how different my life is today (and it's far from perfect). I know my life is better today not only because I quit drinking but because I got a sponsor and worked the steps. It still surprises me some days.
Whatever path you take, I wish you well on your journey. SR has been a big part of my recovery as well.
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
Hopefully you find something that works. I always try to think about only giving a Craft or a Game an hour and how I would like that. How would it be if I gave baseball an hour, I would probably think it sucked to play, I would probably think fishing or guitar sucks for the first hour that I put into it, but after many hours of AA it became awesome for me. Keep putting hours trying to find a different meeting or a different way to recover. I put in thousands of hours into drinking, I couldn't judge recovery by an hour or two.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by lilacgirl
Thanks, guys. I didn't mean to cause offense or insult your group. Was just talking about my own experience. If AA works for you, then that's fantastic. I want to give it another chance, but to be honest, I don't have much time and/or money left to bet on 'maybes'. I need help now.
Detox (to get over withdrawal)
Inpatient Rehab
Outpatient Rehab
Addiction counselor
SMART Recovery
Rational Recovery
AA meetings aren't all bad. I'm just really sorry your first meeting was that disturbing for you.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
lilacgirl:
Well, that does sound like a terrible experience. I'm not a big fan of AA, but that sounds worse than any AA meeting I've ever attended (and I have been to thousands). I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. Who would?
Still, I think its extremely important to separate your goal--i.e., doing something about your drinking problem--from the means of reaching that goal. It's unfortunate, but some people get the message that if they don't like AA, then that's it--they are toast, they can't quit drinking. This is SO untrue. AA is only ONE way of getting sober. It helps lots of people, but it is not right for everyone, and if that's the case with you, fine, then do something else. There are so many different ways to go about it, some of which involve meetings (SMART, SOS, LifeRing) and some of which don't (RR, sharing here, getting help from family/friends etc.).
And in the end, nothing works without YOUR unconditional commitment to abstain from alcohol.
Well, that does sound like a terrible experience. I'm not a big fan of AA, but that sounds worse than any AA meeting I've ever attended (and I have been to thousands). I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. Who would?
Still, I think its extremely important to separate your goal--i.e., doing something about your drinking problem--from the means of reaching that goal. It's unfortunate, but some people get the message that if they don't like AA, then that's it--they are toast, they can't quit drinking. This is SO untrue. AA is only ONE way of getting sober. It helps lots of people, but it is not right for everyone, and if that's the case with you, fine, then do something else. There are so many different ways to go about it, some of which involve meetings (SMART, SOS, LifeRing) and some of which don't (RR, sharing here, getting help from family/friends etc.).
And in the end, nothing works without YOUR unconditional commitment to abstain from alcohol.
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