Coco210

Question...one I pose to myself all the time...what was it that really made your decision to not drink stick? What was different that last time? If you can recall what it was, I would love to see your responses. I feel like I suck at self control...in many aspects of my life...but this is one I want to focus in on now...and forever. I want to feel good about myself again. Thanks again to all.

bellakeller

In the back of my mind, I'd had reservations that I would be able to drink sometime in the future but the future, unfortunately, kept showing up in shorter and more destructive intervals; I kept drinking. Once I finally let go of the idea that I could drink normally like anyone else; realizing I had to let it go forever, I started racking up solid sober time. I had to let go of those reservations. Besides, I probably have had enough to drink to last any normal person one lifetime and I am not even halfway through with life yet.

To me it's like I am allergic to alcohol. Nothing good ever happens for me whenever I drink it.

stuartp

Coco . . . everyone here sucks at self-control or we wouldn't be here. For me, I struggled for years to 'control' my drinking. I even got the 'monster' in one little corner of the room (which I was proud about) until it decided to come on out. After my wife harping on me for months, and a night that I fully intended on catching a 'little buzz', the little buzz went to full blown drunk. I realized that I could NOT control it, but . . .I could try and stop completely.

This would have sounded really scary to me but actually made things much clearer. THe 'gray' area of 'cutting back' or 'controlling' was gone. It became very black and white. I just couldn't drink any more.

Going to AA meetings helped to keep me honest with myself. I am 6 weeks sober, which is not a lifetime, but for me, for today, is a tremendous accomplishment. I am 'cautiously' optimistic about my soberity - and continue to focus only on "One Day At A Time.'

Good luck. Good thread to start and hopefully will help others.

newwings

For me, it was nearly choking to death on my own vomit in my sleep. Whilst I knew all along that wine was damaging my life and my body, the fact that I might die by my own hand seemed a distant possibility. In a couple of short minutes my life changed completely. I realized I didn't want to die from drinking - not then and not in a few years time.

This time it's stuck because I truly believe I was given a second chance - and I will never throw that second chance away. I'm living every single day eternally grateful.

keithj

My decision to not drink failed me repeatedly over many years. I never did figure out how to make that stick.

A spiritual awakening as the result of AA's 12 Steps has resulted in many years of contented sobriety.

Bikeguy

I was having daily panic/anxiety attacks and the only way they went away was to have a drink. Well there was one other way quit drinking.

Elisabeth888

The realization that absolutely nothing positive ever happened as a result of my drinking.

dingding

I realised that not drinking was easier than moderate drinking.

Hevyn

Hi Coco. It was a combination of all the above posts. When I drank bad things happened, but mostly it was physical. I was getting older, I couldn't keep abusing my body and recuperate the way I once did.

The day I decided it had to stop I'd been on a 3 week binge. I'd lost my license, & found myself walking to the store to buy alcohol during a dangerous storm. On the way back home, I started to cry - I told myself this insanity had to end. I had the feeling of impending doom - I knew I was going to die if I continued.

ajangel

This time it's remembering walking through Walmart thinking I am going to die if I don't get some vodka in me. Literally trembling so bad that the liquor store clerk looked afraid. I realized I could not go through that again. I would die if I did. I almost lost my career that I worked so hard for too. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. I can't love and care for others dead. My girls deserve more. The list goes on.

artsoul

I think I knew for a while that something had to change. I began reading on this forum while still drinking and it helped me see my problem for what it was. I prayed to "want to want to stop." So I think I worked up to it, in a way.

There was a "moment of clarity" for me, though. Two things became real in my mind: One, that every day was going to be the same unless I made a commitment to sobriety, and two, that dying an alcoholic wasn't going to be quick or easy and I'd be taking my children down that road with me.

I ran across a quote a while back that the made a lot of sense to me:
I knew it was time to stop letting my emotions get the best of me, to grow up and face the pain.

leo21

Well I can't say it has totally stuck yet.......

for me I had to 100% accept that drinking made my life unmanageable. I have to deal with that fact on a daily basis and life got a bit easier upon discovering that it's a true statement.
Drinking = unmanageable.
Not drinking = everything else.

Reset

When I realized that I wasn't happy at all and drinking was either the cause or was complicating the problem. In order to get to the root of the problem I had to stop to see what effect it would have.

But beyond that, I have to admit that at the beginning I always reserved the right to drink down the road if it turned out that the experiment didn't have any effect. After about a month though I realized that the truth was that I was better off not drinking and decided to continue with the experiment, maybe for a few more months or maybe forever. After a while I got used to the idea of forever.

Not sure if you get the idea, but by not forcing myself to quit forever at the beginning, it made it much easier to get to the point of where quitting forever was probably a good idea. If I had told myself at the very beginning that it was forever it would have been way harder.

sugarbear1

Would my cat meow loud enough to get help, or would she end up eating me after I expired????

Seriously, NO RESERVATIONS. I had many every time I "quit" and ended up thinking I could be a normal drinker. NOT HAPPENING. I couldn't keep controlling what I drank, so I was just finally done.

I had a battle in my head EVERY time I bought my alcohol. Every cashier near me (I changed shops daily) KNEW "i was gonna quit" but kept on saying that EVERY time I bought it.... daily....I would buy daily cause whatever I bought, I drank, so stashing any was out of the question. If it were there, I was drinking it!

I was just DONE. For me, to drink is to die. Took me 25+ years to figure out I was truly an alcoholic, cause in the beginning, I didn't think I was.......like a weekend binger.....

Blessings to you!

LaFemme

I realized that it took more willpower to keep drinking than I had. It takes a lot of willpower to poison yourself every day, over an over again.

2manyBobs

I've been worried for a long time, but found it easy to keep telling myself that it wasn't really serious. Still, Something inside was nagging at me, keeping me concerned. Like sugarbear, every time I bought a bottle I felt conflict inside. I too never kept anything in the house because if it was here I'd drink it, so I bought smaller amounts frequently. I started to feel more anxiety after I drank sometimes, and I LOATHED that feeling. When I woke up in the morning after my typical whole bottle of wine I'd not usually be hung over but my first waking thought was this horrible sinking feeling "I've done it again." Finally one morning I wrote myself a long (4 pages single spaced :-)) letter telling myself NOT to keep convincing myself that it wasn't a problem, and that I MUST remain convinced that it was. The clear evidence was that in spite of trying to drink less and having been worried for at LEAST 2 years, I was drinking MORE than ever. I kept reading about alcoholism and its stages, and how stage one was not noticeable but nevertheless was happening inside my brain and body, and could last for years, but then in stage 2 the amount of intake would increase etc. This was a shorter stage- 2-5 years I believe--and I just knew this is what was happening to me. I had tried to drink moderately for at least two years, and NEVER succeeded. If I have one drink, I ALWAYS let the brakes off and have as much as I want. So I projected into the future and saw me drinking even MORE, since that's what I want to do and have been doing, and feeling more and more anxious and eating less and giving myself brain damage. What an attractive picture! Years earlier I could excuse myself easier because I never (still even) have had any consequences of my drinking (I always do it quietly at home.) But now I can't-- clearly my brain is getting fried and I am getting addicted. So NO MORE drinking. I am convinced I can't have just one or two. Ever.

aussieblue

My blood tests keep coming back showing a high liver profile if I keep drinking it will kill me. More blood work next week if it is high again I need a liver biopsy.

ajangel

Crossing my fingers for you. Good luck.

Dee74

Tangibly? It was coming here to SR and realising I was not alone in my struggle....the support and advice I found here really helped me make a difference.

On a deeper philosophical level it was acceptance - I accepted that my relationship with alcohol was self destructive and always would be.

I accepted that I could never have the life I wanted or be the man I wanted to be if I kept alcohol in my life.

I accepted that alcohol could no longer be a viable alternative for me, under any circumstances, no matter what the reason

D

loveon2legs

My DUI was the final blow.....