HuskyPup

Well, almost 50 days. On the train home last night, I did a lot of thinking: I feel like a more personal approach to recovery will work better for me. Trying to gain 'acceptance' at AA will only proceed to a certain, superficial level. I am getting a lot more of the 'Why don't you have a sponsor yet?' questions, and 'Why don't you do this?' and 'Why don't you read the BB five hours a day?' kind of comments, so it seems like as time has gone on, I feel less welcome than I did at first, and seem to be getting the cold shoulder more often, even though I typically just remain quiet, and speak in neutral terms. I am sensing more and more resentment from people in that I have remained sober, yet not the way it says to…such that there is thus a slight urge to counter this resentment with my own resentment, which I am increasingly mindful of, and cautious to avoid.


It helped at first, and the agnostic meetings may continue to be of use, but if the raised brows and barrage of questions over sponsorship and # of meetings attended continues apace, the costs may outweigh the benefits. Time will tell. My heart tells me, try to form your own group, one without as many walls, without a father figure, without a sacred text, without such dogma...like a Quaker, follow your inner light. Or so I hear a voice within me saying: Be true, be true.

I do feel a sense of liberation, getting this all out…there really are few places to talk about such matters, and I am also happy to be sober, and to have the time and energy to start doing more creative activities, such as writing, sketching and decorating the loft space we live in, so overall, I feel better and better. And I have been better able to listen to and be helpful to my friends; more in touch. I am thankful for the initial boost the meetings gave me, and will continue to seek social support in recovery whenever the need is felt.

Thanks for listening,

H. Pup

Anna

Hi HuskyPup,

It sounds like you're finding your way, and that's good.

Members here use many different types of recovery, so I hope you will continue to find support here.

whiskeyman

thats how i feel about my group as well. i am on day 60.
but the questions have started about my sponsor and what step i have completed.
i have definfetly noticed if they dont like the answer they move.

Dee74

Congratulations on 50 days HuskyPup
I'm glad you're defining what works for you

D

HuskyPup

Thanks, everyone, and whiskey, yeah, I am noticing the same thing. When I tell them I am working an alternative version of the steps with my therapist as opposed to a sponsor, it meets a pretty icy reception. But there are still some very friendly people, and for a $1 donation, it's cheap coffee. Joking aside, I think among the core reasons in going was not wanting to be 'alone' while doing this, at least at first, of having some social aspect to it, a place and people to be with, a normal enough human instinct. That, and sheer curiosity: Namely, how could you be atheist/agnostic and 'do' AA? What would a more general meeting be like? I would never know if I had not gone and played the field a bit.

In any event, it's been instructive, and I am grateful, though as time passes, I can see that a group that encourages questioning, looking at science, psychology and spirituality in all of its diversity is better suited for my own long-term recovery.

SASA

there are many ways to recovery. Unfortunatly a lot of times people who went 1 time succesful will try to push you down their way. But they do this because they want to help. Always remember, they want to help you get better. The problem is thier way may not be your way and you outgrew them. It is like getting older and realizing your mother is not always right..... (I was joking, off course she is always right...)

lushly

Husky I am glad that you are finding a way. Part of what works for me in AA is that it is not so huge on the philosophy that I think myself right back to drinking. Please also remember that there are individuals with in the group. Some of them are narrow minded and black and white in their recovery thinking. Others are more of the one and present time in recovery mode. I think that what feels right in my heart is where I need to be. The rest in external and unimportant.

LoftyIdeals

Hi HP...Do what works! That's what will keep you sober! To thine own self be true.

sugarbear1

I've been in and around aa for over 25 years. No one has ever questioned me about any of these things.
I have close to 4 months now. Others at my meetings generally accept my presence, not question anything. Maybe you need different meetings. Acceptance isn't gained. It's what Sober People Have For Other Members--acceptance for other opinions, beliefs, etc.

Maybe there's more to what you haven't said in your post cause this is generally not sober behavior I read. Then again, maybe if you worked an aa program things would change. I only wish you continued sobriety!! No matter what you choose.
My best to you!

happyplace

I'm about three months sober. I like AA, but I prefer Smart Recovery meetings (so far). If you haven't tried Smart, you should give that a try. Like I said, I like both types of meetings, and I haven't experienced any of the oppressiveness that you (and some others) have mentioned about AA. What I prefer about Smart, however, is that you try to come up solutions and answers from first principles and experience. The doctrinal underlay that exists in AA isn't really there (although one could argue that different sort of of dogma is--that we can figure out our lives and problems with our own logic).

SomethingBetter

I'm not sure which recovery approch is best, i take what i can from them all and just dont drink, I hope you find whats best for you.

Congrats on the 50 days, thats really great!

HuskyPup

Not at all sure what you mean. If facing responsibility, taking care of old debts, paying bills on time, and dealing with what life throws my way, while finding time to think, write, draw, and help others, and laugh while not drinking is not sober behavior, I am not sure what is. I get a bit tired of assumptions like this. I am sure you wish me well, though this comment seemed a bit barbed; loaded, if you will.

Well, thanks to all who have commented on my journey so far...beautiful thunderstorm outside, over the city...we have wonderful views, and I love lightning and thunder, nature and its show of force.

soberlicious

This is what it's all about!!

Great post. Your introspection is wonderful!

soberlicious

I have to respectfully disagree. This is simply not true. I acknowledge it as your reality, but it is not mine.

stuartp

Husky . . . I am 6 weeks sober and have been going to AA. I think also, that there seems to be a number of contradictions in the program (at least in my mind). That said, it has helped me to remain sober and the overall message is working for me. As others have said, whatever it takes to help you (or anyone) remain sober and living a fulfilling life, it's all good. I may not stick with AA in the future, but for today it's helping. Be well!

Mark75

Exactly. I grew up in the Religious Society of Friends. While I am not Quaker now, the concept of the inner light is a major part of the God of my understanding... and yes, it is entirely consistant with catholicism, and more to the point, AA. AA is dogmatic only if you want it to be. For me, the steps are the starting point, there is so much more to life, spirituality, and happiness.

I am not surprised if others in AA don't know what to make of your spiral steps... you may sense resentment, and that may or may not be the reality... however, when I feel negativity from others, I just remind myself it's none of my business what they think of me.

Congrats on your sober time. Do what works for you.