Sylvie66

Okay, so I left my ABF. I go to AlAnon every couple of weeks. I saw a counselor for a good long time. It all helped, and I'm strong in my resolve to not get into a relationship with an addict. However....
I sold our shared car this morning - now I have no reason at all to contact him.

I miss him. I miss the Relationship. I miss him.

What now? Our mutual friends don't seek me out, my parents think I've done something wrong, and my workmates make inappropriate jokes. Yes, I'm hyper-sensitive. My friends are few, supportive, and married. I don't know what to do with loneliness.

Suggestions welcome.

Thank you,

Sylvie

skippernlilg

Aw, Sylvie!!!

I have had moments like this, too.

I think the thing that helps me in these times is to look for ways I can reinvent myself. I can be anyone I want!! I can do anything I want!! There has to have been things you wanted to do that you felt stymied in doing before. What was it?

A Dance Class?

A New Language?

Cooking Class?

Gardening?

An African Safari?

Painting?

Music?

Martial Arts?

Once you find YOUR niche, you'll be surprised at how many other kindred spirits there are.

I have noticed I am less lonely now than I was when I was with RABF. That was a lonely, lonely time.

rorty

I am right there with you. Be still for awhile. Feel what you are feeling. Eventually inspiration will point you in the right direction. Just be willing to listen to your heart.

Babyblue

I have periods like this and miss him too. It's ok to miss people and they say the pain gets easier. I think it does but that loneliness part is a tough one to struggle through.

Hope it gets better.

caughthiminject

I'm lonely too. What makes it worse is I live in a country I hate where men just come to get drunk and sleep with prostitutes, so it's unlikely I'm going to meet someone to have a family with. It makes the alcoholic/druggie bf look pretty good right about now. Actually, I really want to put a bullet in my head. Today, is not a good day.

dollydo

Checkout the meet up groups in your area, also your local singles club, parents without partners and so on.

marie1960

The first thing I did was join a book club at the local library. It's free. I have met some nice people, and new friendships are developing. Most libraries have tons of information on community events, social events, and organizations looking for members. Lots of volunteer info to be found too. So many worthy service organizations are in need of assistance. Find an organization that you can connect with and participate. Not to mention it really is rewarding, and gives you a chance to get out in your community and meet new people.

It is tough when your friends are all married and they have other obligations. On the bright side, it is finally your turn to do whatever you please............. All my best to you

Now is your chance to try something new.

Tally

Do you actually miss "him" or just someone being there, the company...

I thought I missed my ex but when I actually tried to think of what I missed I had about 2 or 3 things...these things weren't really personal to him either, they were things I could get from anyone...sense of humour and some company.

Write out a list of what you miss and then see where you can get those needs filled elsewhere.

I've started volunteering so have made new friends through that but I've also been catching up with old friends and chatting online sometimes too. I do have a lot of hobbies so don't tend to get lonely very often but when I do there are ways and means of fixing those needs without having to allow the madness and neglect of my ex back into my life.

nodaybut2day

Right there with you.

I sometimes miss my ex (boyfriend, not my moronic exah), especially when it's late at night, I'm tired and I want a cuddle. I've also found myself missing the physical aspect of the relationship. Some of this comes as a surprise to me because I feel fine most of the time, but I figure grief comes in stages.

Having a child demanding my attention has kept me busy...but I've also ramped up my tango participation. I'm taking private lessons very close to home. I'm dancing at a new milonga and inviting new partners out for coffee before we go dance. I'm considering finding a choire to join because nothing lifts my spirits like singing. Heck, why not?

Seems to me you need a bit of newness in your life.

SoaringSpirits

I miss my AH, too. We have lived together for 20 years. It can be lonely at times.

When I feel that loneliness creep in, I try to remember how much more lonely I was when he was here, passed out on the sofa or giving me the cold shoulder. Intense loneliness that doesn't begin to rival what I feel when I'm truly alone.

As I emerge from this dark tunnel bit by bit, I find myself considering new and different things. My life has been consumed by my AH and our failing marriage for so long that I have neglected myself. Our local city recreation department has some cool classes and I'm going to sign up for one. I've also made an effort to have a 'date' with a female friend once a week for coffee or dinner. Al-anon meetings are also helpful in holding off the loneliness.

painterman

I feel for you Sylvie, but just a reminder that it can be very lonely in a relationship with someone who is drinking. I often feel my partner is not here at all for me, and we are currently in a silent stand off because I have stopped employing her-we live together but the atmosphere is like ice-and I don't believe she will ever open up-she is just such an emotionally closed person. You can talk on here anytime!

OnMyWay11

Tally's suggestion is perfect; at least it is for me. There is not a single thing I miss from the ex, except that little companionship he provided. That is a 'self' issue to work on. I am 45 and have never been totally alone. Until my husband died in 2006 I never thought it would happen. And here I am.....and finding the joy of sitting on the back patio in the evening with a cup of coffee embracing the peace.

I did make a list and cannot find one thing I am willing to put up with from a mean, verbally abusive A, just to have another person around. That doesn't make the lonliness go away, it just makes it worth it.