Letting go of Anxiety

Old 09-06-2011, 07:43 PM
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Exclamation Letting go of Anxiety

Hi all!
I met my AH ten years ago. I noticed he drank a lot but, hey we were in college everyone was doing it! (except me)
Fast forward to the present: we are currenlty seperated and have been for about 6 weeks. I finally had enough one day, it wasn't anything in particular but I guess you could say I finally hit my "bottom". I told him he had to leave and couldn't return home until he had six months sobriety under his belt.
His is one month sober and attending AA and I am attending Alanon and for the first time since I met him I am taking care of myself. I am doing my best to no longer obsess about whether or not he is truly in recover or not, whether he has truly been sober a month a not, and whether we have a future together or not, etc....
My main problem now is the anxiety! Not anxiety about the things currently going on now but the repressed anxiety from the past ten years.

We had only been dating for six months when I suffered an anxiety attack (go figure) and learned then how to kinda put a "cap" on my feelings of anxiety to prevent future attacks. I convinced myself over the ensuing ten years to just "put on my big girl panties and deal with it". As a result, for the past decade I've had that smothering "heaviness" on my chest of anxiety and have been barely keeping myself from having a full blown panic attack.

Through my recovery from codependency I have learned that I need to stop repressing emotions so I started on my biggest one: the anxiety.
I have acknowledged my anxiety for the first time and instead of alleviating the pain, the pain in my chest has increased tremendously and become a burning ache and I have to fight the urge to just stuff it back in the bottle and put a cap on the emotion so I don't have to deal with it. I would almost rather go back to the constant feeling of "heaviness" on my chest than feel this but I don't want to go back to that!!! I have been doing strenuous cardio every day, running, riding my bike, singing in a chior, meditating, praying etc.... and nothing alleviates this anxiety for longer than the activity lasts. I don't know what to do to release this anxiety!!!!!

I have been studying step two of al-anon and I guess my biggest roadblock is I am having extreme difficulty in connecting with my Higher Power. I guess maybe I feel that I have to do all the heavy work i.e. "God helps those who help themselves".

Ugh...... I am in physical and spirtual pain and I need help letting go of my anxiety.......
Has anyone had any experience in this area?????
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Old 09-06-2011, 07:51 PM
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Besides Alanon, what are you doing for yourself? It sounds like you are staying busy so you don't obsess over what your husband is or isn't doing. Are you taking any anti-anxiety meds to help you for now. Talking to a professional? It's almost like PTSD.
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:01 PM
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Jayjay, hi and welcome, so glad you are here, I have battled depression, anxiety, and nightmares for years, a good counselor and psychiatrist were a huge help for me.

You may or may not need some meds in addition to what you are doing but thats what the doctor is for.

It sounds like you are doing many of the right things, keep up the good work!

I have fumbled around with my faith for a long long time, I got turned off of chucrch as a kid because of a hateful old pastor and I have never again embraced organized religion, but I work on being a good person, someone I hope God would be proud of.

I recommend Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh to everyone I know, it really helped me find a new chance with God.

Best of luck,

B
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:31 PM
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JayJay-

In my own recovery I came up on a section that was really about anxiety. Generalized anxiety that I had been living with for most of my life.

With the help of a counselor, anti-depressants, and some anti-anxiety medications I was able to come through it pretty well (and move onto other things). I only needed the anti-depressants about a year, and the anti-anxiety meds less than that. It made a big difference for me.

I still struggle at times sitting with discomfort like you are talking about. It is much better though.
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:57 PM
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It seems as if you've got some great ideas in overcoming your anxiety issues. There are some great relaxation techniques available for those of us who have anxiety. A lot of them involve breathing techniques and a type of self-hypnosis. I learned all of mine in group therapies in addition to regular attendance with my T in the past. Perhaps you could go get a physical and discuss some options with your physician?
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:19 PM
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Jayjay, last week I attended a counseling session with my AH (we are separated and he is still drinking). I am not normally an anxious person at all. I felt super anxious about the session. On the drive to the counselor's, I felt so anxious I started thinking I was probably not safe to be driving. I think I was having a minor panic attack. At the counseling session, my vision kept getting dark and I thought I would throw up. Anxiety!

This week I went to counseling alone. I told the counselor about the intense anxiety I felt the week prior, and the anxiety I was feeling in general. I told him that I had to listen to my body because it was trying to tell me something. Of course I attribute anxiety to all the stress and confusion of the last months. He said that anxiety like that is usually a response to anticipating something that is going to happen. He asked me what I might have been anticipating happening in that session with my AH that caused me such intense anxiety in the car. I thought about it a lot, and the answer was that I was anxious because going to counseling with my in-denial AH that day meant REALLY facing the truth about our marriage, which is not likely to survive all this. Even now when I type those words, I feel light headed.

So that was a helpful piece of advice --- WHAT are you anxious about? Specific things. My counselor asked me to make a list to bring next week.
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Old 09-07-2011, 03:25 AM
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I agree naming what I am anxious about helps. It is when it comes out of no where and I can't name it that I get into trouble.
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Old 09-07-2011, 07:21 AM
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I have had stress and anxiety so much before that I was vomiting and feeling physical pain in my chest and difficulty breathing and sleeplessness. I found that I had to make myself calm down and think good thoughts for my own sake. I focused just on my physical state and getting that under control. You can't function if you body is not well. Resting, yoga, meditation, sleep, crying it out, talking to friends, posting here. And a good antacid. Just mostly making myself go through the motions of providing sustenance and health to my body, with the firm knowledge that my mind can't heal while my body's being sick, and my body's not going to be well if I let the mind control it and make it fall apart.
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:51 PM
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Thanks everyone for your response and posts. It does help to know that I am not alone. A couple of people suggested meds and while I do advocate that they are beneficial I just feel from prior experience that I should try to work things out on my for now. A member of my Al-anon group suggest a book by title of JESUS CALLING (a book of daily devotions) to me and I found my answer in it:

(just substitute Me/My with your Higher Power of choice)

October 17th:
Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without ME. So the best defence against worry is staying in communication with ME. When you turn your thoughts toward ME, you can think much more positively.

If you must consider upcoming events, follow these rules:
1.) Do not linger in the future, because anxieties sprout up like mushrooms when you wander there.
2.) Remember the promise of My continual Presence; include me in any imagery that comes to mind. This mental discipline does not come easily because you are used to being god of your fantasies. However, the reality of My Presence with you, now and forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could have ever imagined.

-Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
This has helped me so much and brought me much comfort. I hope it helps others too!
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Old 09-10-2011, 06:40 PM
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JayJay, check out biofeedback for your anxiety. It's something you can eventually learn to do on your own, and will develop the technique to actually bring yourself down from an anxiety attack. You will be able to do it anytime, anyplace...no meds...no need to be hooked up to anything...

I worked with a psychologist at first (he hooked me up to a machine which a showed a graph which showed my anxiety, and I could actually watch it decline as I learned the process. It's kind of like the graphs you see when you are in labor and watch as your contractions go up and down.) After awhile you will be able to bring it down just by using your mind.

It's really amazing and I got quite good at it. He told me that I would make a good candidate for hypnosis...I declined on that one cause I told him there was no way he was going to get me to bark like a dog...
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:17 PM
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I have been socialized to operate (even succeed and thrive) in anxiety. . . It's the "crisis mode" that would bring out the most resilient in me. . . I would go into "super-human" mode when there was a crisis. "Count on me! I am strong!" I would tell myself and others.

Today, when I find myself in panic mode (even when crisis isn't so much present or as acute as it was now that active alcoholism isn't part of my life), I start with the serenity prayer. I say the words over and over. I focus on each word, repeated them one by one slowly, envision in my head what each word represents and then letting the meaning sink in. After I've calmed down a bit, I then ask my Higher Powers to guide me. I ask them to take the anxiety from me. I tell myself, this anxiety isn't mine to own. Whatever I am worrying about and panicking about are not mine to own. I kindly continue to ask my Higher Powers to take them from me and guide me to serenity. Sometimes I have to do this many times over. Before I can relax to enjoy nice music or get into a frame of mind to meditate, I have to do this. . .

I keep telling myself the answers and solutions are there, if I allow them. . . Until serenity and calm become the norm for me (rather than the exception), I have to keep doing this over and over. Eventually, it will become second nature (I'm hoping) the way "anxiety" and "panic" and "worry" became my second nature with years & years of being socialized in and around other people's addictions.
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