winnie1202

Met with husband and Counselor in the rehab. He has been there a week. Hmm. Went ok. She kept emphasizing that since he is in a 12 step program and I go to AlAnon we "speak the same languange". That we have to learn to "communicate". And that I have to learn that I am "powerless over alcohol".

What I have learned over the last few months as his alcoholism has got out of control that even when he was sober he didn't want to communicate as it meant having to make adult decisions. Do I see that changing? No. He is sitting in a rehab, not having to deal with the outside world. Kinda like drinking. Yes, I understand they have to concentrate on their recovery but life on the "outside" will be filled with stress. I do see my communication changing i.e. not bringing up stressful things for fear of upsetting him. Due to the money situation he left us in my anxiety level is off the charts trying to figure out how to juggle everything. I am meeting with a bankruptcy attornery tomorrow to help me figure it out. He didn't ask one question about how I was handling everything. Out of sight, out of mind.

In regard to the comment about being "powerless over alcohol", yes that might be true but I need to take the power away from the alcohol as to how my life and my kids life needs to be.

Willybluedog

Winnie, you may be powerless over alcohol, and you are also powerless over the alcoholic in your life, all you can control is how you react to the events in your life.

I would love to be able to affect my mothers drinking but I can't, so I have to decide if I am going to hang around and watch her continue to drink herself to death.

You have to make the best possible decision for yourself and your children since it does not sound like you husband is interested in stepping up to the plate.

I hope you get into counseling and get the answers you need.

Best of luck to you, please come back often.

sugarbear1

I've been listening to speakers, bot aa & alanon (do a search, I loke xa speakers). When he does return, set up new house rules, each working together, 2. Make the bed together, if possible--lots of negotiating in that task, and 3. Hold a meeting togeyher at a specified time, when needed (daily?) to discuss your issues (both of you).

It's a marriage, try to work it out together.

Just things I've heard.

I wish you nothing but the best in life.

LifeRecovery

I struggled with step one until I reworded it to "I am powerless over people, places and things, and my life had become unmanageable." I am also powerless if those people, places or things use drugs or alcohol.

sugarbear1

loke = like + love

wanttobehealthy

I'm wondering why the counselor in your H's rehab is telling YOU what YOU need to do. Why is it that no one is to tell the A what he/she should do but it's perfectly fine for those who preach to accept you have no control over the alcoholic, to try and tell the non A what to do?

If the counselor is telling you what you "should" be doing and "should" be accepting I have to wonder whether that person is qualified to be doing their job bc that sounds about one step away from blaming you for the A's choices...