enablingwife

Well, I will be moving out of my home in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS NOW! Exciting and terrifying at the same time. Still haven't told the AH, and don't plan on it until the last minute....call me shallow, but it's easiest for ME.

I'm no longer worried about telling the children. You all gave me such amazing suggestions that telling them about our new "adventures" isn't causing panic anymore!

Naturally my codependent self is still worried about HIM. Is this fair to him? Should I tell him earlier? Is he going to be ok?
He thinks that because he "hasn't taken a pill in 2 weeks" that things are just peachy. His over-confidence is ANNOYING!

But I feel like I'm betraying him by LYING! Instead of going to see his family the week of 9/19, HE will be going ALONE while I move out. Not typical behavior for me.

Anyhoo...thanks to everyone who has given me such wonderful suggestions and genuine support. I have no idea who you are, but if we met face to face I would give you all the biggest bear hug EVER!!!!!

cc88

You're doing the right thing, I think everyone here would be proud of you. And I wouldn't call you shallow, I'd call you a good mom.

best of luck!

Chino

You are betraying his addiction. Two weeks without his drug, if it's true, only means sobriety not recovery. You all need time to heal and lots of it. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time

enablingwife

Thanks guys! I SO WISH I had found this site YEARS ago! I've haven't felt this optimistic and hopeful in AGES. I'm looking forward to getting ME back, no matter how long and hard this will be :0)

hello-kitty

Things are probably going to get really tense and uncomfortable for you in the next couple weeks but don't worry. There is a bright star in your future. And it's yours. Don't be afraid to go for it. No matter what kind of crap he pulls. Stay focused! We are here for you. I'm so happy for you that you are putting you and your daughters first and removing yourself from the madness.

hope213

good luck on this. i am sure you will do fine. our addicts have made us stong women. keep coming back & let us know how u r doing. maybe your a.h. will keep going with his recovery once he sees u r gone. i hope so but it still comes back to when he wants to get clean not when we want them too. that would have been yrs. ago. prayers for all of you,

dollydo

Many years ago I was married to a raging alcoholic. He was verbably abusive and when drunk would chase me around the house and attempt to deck me.

I made up my mind, I was done. The Friday before July 4th weekend, I came home from work, over dinner I told my husband that the next day I had movers coming to the house, my things were going to be packed, and moved to a new location. The new location was 600 miles away and I was starting a new job on Tuesday. The divorce papers would be served to him.

I had no choice, I could not give him any heads up, my safety was in the balance. He
started screaming at me. I picked up my dog, and left, I had prepacked my car, went to a motel and returned the next morning with the movers. They packed up my stuff, half the furniture and off we went, never to return.

The house was sold 4 months later, the divorce was final in 6 months.

Did I feel guilty...no...am I happy that I made the decision...yes. I did what I had to do.

Don't let guilt stop you from doing what is in your best interest. Safety first.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

lightseeker

E.W.

I understand about the guilty feelings and not wanting to lie. One Saturday morning I felt so bad about it that I called a minister while I sat in the parking lot at Home Depot. He told me that abuse negated the guilt of my lies...good advice.

You are doing what you need to do for yourself and your girls. It's hard to do but I really think that it would have been harder to stay in a bad situation.

Just wanted to say hi. Please do keep us posted on how you are doing!

Mrsoptimist

Stay strong! It sounds like you are doing something so brave and powerful. Please let us know how things go.

rose

I think you are being very wise and smart to keep this to yourself. Try not to feel down thinking you are lying, as you are far from lying. You are playing things safe and that is not lying. Doesn't it feel good to have made that decision and feel good about it. I know you probably have some worries as well, but you will get through it. You are making a huge leap forward for the better, claiming back you and your childrens life and happyness!

Rose