Amylynn

I'm am truly amazed at the power of alcohol. I drank myself into a blackout Saturday evening and was VERY sick on Sunday-which prompted me to find and join this forum.

I was so sick i couldn't imagine ever wanting to drink again, but yesterday, at least 5 times i found myself craving beer again! I simply can't believe it. It reminded me of all the other times i was in the same situation. Sick for a day or two...then right back at it a few days later.

This cycle is over-for GOOD!

suki44883

Glad to hear you want to live a sober life. You will find a lot of support here.

Anna

The vicious cycle of alcoholism is horrible, and it sucks you down further, each and every time. I'm glad you have decided to take a step towards healing and recovery.

julez

Welcome Amy. Exactly what you described is what made me quit drinking too. Keep your resolve strong, and the memories of wasted days, and feeling horrible close and use them to remind yourself daily, why it ijust isn't worth it.

EmeraldRose

I used to do the same thing. Drink in excess, be sick, vow never ever to ever drink again and in 2 days be on a binge. Didn't make sense.
Until now...because now I know I'm an alcoholic and drinking is removed from the equation.

Symmetry

I totally relate to that feeling. I'd feel like crap till about noon then magically feel good enough to start drinking again.

Please stay on SR. Read and post to your heart's content. The first week of my recovery was not easy. But the cravings did not last more than a few minutes. A week or two in, the thoughts that told me to just give in started to subside. If you can hang in there and if you are truly sick and tired of drinking you will discover that sobriety is a gift.

I am so glad you found us!

MsJax

Hi Amylynn, I too was a blackout drinker, yet picked up at 7 the next morning on the way to work. Had to to get through the day. It was awful. So thankful for my sobriety.

There is so much great reading here, it has made a big difference for me and I bet it will for you too.

saphira

I battled the same cycle. Drink to blackout, wake up sick, vow never to drink again, go back and forth all day long about whether or not I should drink, and then pick up that same night. I couldn't believe how insane it was either. Infact, there were times I remember where my husband would be sitting in the car in the driveway with me outside his window making him wait until I decided if he should pick up some liquor on his way to the store. I would literally be thinking, "Don't do it. You know you shouldn't do it." I would will my mouth to say no--could feel it bubbling up, but I could never say no. I was so sick of the back and forth thing!! There are some days still where it'll cross my mind about drinking and I actually feel relief that I don't have to go around and around like that anymore. Life is much better sober. You just have to break the cycle to start... from there everything improves.

Amylynn

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's just about lunchtime here and i'm having the urge...using 'it's a beautiful summer day' as a reason to have a drink. When i joined the other day i knew i *kinda* had a problem, but now i realized that i really do have a problem. I'm glad i found this forum when i did

Itchy

"There are some days still where it'll cross my mind about drinking and I actually feel relief that I don't have to go around and around like that anymore."

Saphira, that one sentence you wrote really resonated with me. I try to explain that I really haven't had any cravings at all, but occassionally have thought about it in a very positive way like being in an airport and remembering how I would drink as much as I could until the next flight and how glad I am that I am not in that cycle anymore. But it comes across to many as something that needs a response like "you can relapse at any time."

amylyn, if you are determined enough it becomes easy after a time, different for each. I broke the cycle with one actual detox and that was enough for me to take it fine from there. If you do, you won't have to wake up 7 days a week, every day and drink as soon as your eyes try to open, or they can't. I did. I don't. It has been a year minus a couple weeks. It does get easy for some, easier for the rest.

artsoul

Hang in there, Amy!

You know what the "beautiful sunny day" will turn into if you drink. For me it used to be vacation on the beach and little umbrellas in a glass. And then, as I drank more and more, everything got linked to alcohol.

I thought I'd never get rid of the urges, but it also showed me what I'd been living with for years and I realized how sick I'd become. I just wanted my mind and body back....

An image came to me in the first week of sobriety that getting sober is like learning to play an instrument. Practice, practice, practice. Every day is like one little "lesson" in staying sober, a chance to create a new pathway in our brain... and it adds up.

Thanks for the post - good topic! And you can do this!

ButterflyMan

Oh man, how many times did I use that one? Welcome Amy. I went almost 3 months at my first attempt at sobriety without first seeking guidance and support then hit the bar. Im now on day 16 of my second stint and finding the support here a real help. You did the right thing seeking this place out.

least

I too got sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Coming up on 21 months sober this week and really tickled about it. I love living sober.

You will find a lot of support here. I sure do.

Dee74

One thing that really helped me Amy was realising I might still sometimes feel the feelings and experience the cravings - but I longer had to act on them...

I knew better now

You're doing great!

D

BoozeFree

Welcome Amy, like many other people have said I can also totally relate with swearing I wont drink again and then a couple hrs later ready to crack another beer. Im on day 4 today and now feelin a little better and its nice to wake up with energy and not hungover!

eJoshua

Hi Amy! Welcome to SR!

I know what you mean, I swore off drinking so many times and was always surprised when I discovered that my resolve was pretty short lived. Unfortunately for me, I acted on my cravings all too often. Thankfully, now I am learning how to better deal with my cravings and also the underlying issues that led me to drink. I have made some good progress, but still have a long way to go.

Best wishes to you in your recovery! You have found a great place for support.

MrSilver

Good decision Amy. That is what finally got me to quit also back in July. The cravings will happen. You probably won't go a single day without at least considering having a drink. I know it has been that way for me and I have been sober over two months. I have heard addicts (not saying you are necessarly) say that even after being sober for years they have the urge to drink or use again almost daily. Anytime a craving happens just remember that the reward of not drinking will be a lot more satisfiyng than the drink will be.

lilotto

Amylynn thanks for your post. It is unfortunate that those of us suffering from alcoholism have only one of two choices continue to drink until we face serious consequences or totally abstain from alcohol. Abstinence is the first step to a life of recovery and recovery is more than just abstaining from the use of alcohol. It is learning to live a full rich and rewarding life. It is all achieved one day at a time. I wish you the best.