my mom

Old 09-06-2011, 06:26 AM
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my mom

Here we go again.............my mom has been in and out of jail and in and out of family members homes, she has finally exhausted every avenue. She in the hospital, tried to drink herself to death. She has no where to go but the streets. My family members are mad at me for not being there for her now that she's at rock bottom. I have been a zombie all weekend so preoccupied with worry. She wants to die and I don't know what to do.......................:
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Old 09-06-2011, 06:42 AM
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I have no wise words for you other than to gently suggest that the concerned family members are not necessarily the most informed on alcoholism and have not walked a mile in your shoes. Please don't add more weight to your shoulders by being upset at their undiplomatic remarks. They just don't know....

Other's will be along soon with more experience for you.

Sending kind thoughts your way for you and your mother.
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Old 09-06-2011, 06:46 AM
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Dear NAH,

So sorry for you, don't know what to offer,have you tried the United Way or Salvation Army I know here in MO they have long term placement programs for people in similar situations.

You may also want to post on the adult Children of Alcoholics board for more advice and just a place to vent and get support.

Best of luck to you.

B
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Old 09-06-2011, 06:49 AM
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I thought she was on the mend, she was living with my aunt and working part time somewhere. And I guess she got tired of being sober and left, she's been here and there, living in a hotel, and then ended up at the hospital Friday. I love her but I don't know how I can help her, I'd take her in because she's my mom, but my husband says no way, and we have a 4 year old son that we don't want exposed to this. She used to live next door to us, she broke into our house, had alcohol/drug infused fights in her backyard, I could hear the F bombs and screaming and hollering over my sons baby monitor. and we had had it. The love never goes away, but is there any organizations out there who help people like this?
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Old 09-06-2011, 07:21 AM
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NAH1203... I feel for you and am so sorry that you find yourself in this agonizing position. I think you will find many of us who can relate... sadly so. I have been there with my brother and others. For me, the hospital (where my brother was admitted) had some resources to offer, but only to folks who WANTED the help... it is entirely up to your Mom to make the choice to help herself... she has to be the one to do it and you cannot help her make that decision. I hope (for you) that she can find the strength to take that step... sending you hugs!
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Old 09-06-2011, 07:28 AM
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I have talked to her since she's been there. She is so sad. But I gave her the number of a rehab facility and she's called them, they have a opening for her Friday(out patient). I think the hospital is helping her too at least get in touch with social services. I just don't know when the tough love ends and you open yourself back up to her? I mean how do people who have no job, no car, no money survive? I mean she found a way to get a beer..........it's heartbreaking.
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Old 09-06-2011, 07:41 AM
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I don't know how old your mother is...but to be open with you...because of a divorce, I wound up with no place to live, no car, and not able to work. I just turned 62 this year, and have low income based housing (and free wifi). I only get social security. I have kids..none were in a position to help me.
And I am not alcoholic...so I think there are programs that I would not qualify for.
Think of it this way..what if your mom HAD no children? what would she do then? I know it is stressing you, but you HAVE TO THINK of your child first. And not let others make you feel guilty for knowing this truth.
The alcoholism is something she has to take ownership of...and go from there. That's the hard reality I am learning here, based on a boyfriend who is alcoholic. I probably am pretty close to calling that an ex boyfriend...
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Old 09-06-2011, 07:52 AM
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It's so very hard, I feel like I have been a preoccupied zombie for 4 days now. I know why people move across the country to get away from family. I think after this all gets figured out, taken care of, or worked out, I am moving far away from these people. I feel bad enough as it is, just devastated.
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Old 09-07-2011, 06:44 AM
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Today is another day of the hitting rock bottom process, my mom was discharged from the hospital with no where to go, my cousin picked her up (thank god) and drove her around to shelters and found no openings, then dropped her off at my step dad's porch. He took her to a hotel and put her up for the night. And maybe tonight too. She's apprently gotten into a great rehab in our area but can't go until Friday. I sent her a pizza and bottle of soda via a delivery and told her I love her. I feel like it's the least I could do. although I questions myself if I am doing the right thing by separating myself from the situation and avoiding my family because I don't want to fight with them about it.
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Old 09-07-2011, 07:04 AM
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No words of wisdom here, just letting you know that you are doing alright.

You are allowed to look after yourself and limit time with people and situations that aggravate you.
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Old 09-07-2011, 07:39 AM
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NAH1203-

I am familiar with both the area you live in (four years at UD will do that to you) and I have a number of friends that live in the area still.

I also can relate to having loved ones struggling with addiction.

Have you considered Al-anon meetings? If you type in DE and Al-anon there are a number of meetings....a lot are further north, but some on your side of the state.

I also really learned a lot about family alcohol use and how it impacts us from reading work by Claudia Black. It helped me to understand what was mine (not as much as I thought), why it was hard for me to be around family at times etc, and the role I had taken on in my family....and how hard it is to break out of that role sometimes. I am one of those who did move a long ways away because I could not figure it out, but discovered no matter where I go I still have to contend with me.

I know that my suggestions don't help in the immediate now, but I am thinking of you and hope you take some time out to take care of you.
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Old 09-07-2011, 08:09 AM
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thank you! If you know my area you know there are many that struggle, so much that all the shelters are booked. I am trying to keep my chin up and stay strong mainly for my son, if I didn't have him I would run to my mom and take her with me to save her, not that that would be the right the thing to do, but what my heart wants to do. I will check into that reading, reading on here helps me to feel I am not alone in this struggle and not the only one that gets mixed feedback from family. Keeps me focused...........
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