saga of the key, part 2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
saga of the key, part 2
An update on the apt key situation...
I finally was able to spend at least a few minutes of conversation with abf today, and paved the way by staying civil as I could. But asked directly, if we could please solve the situation without the vindictiveness of his refusing to take my calls. Needless to say, he tried to deny it was based on being vindictive. I left that go, but (with as little whining as possible) tried to explain how deeply his behavior was to me, and it wasn't necessary. While he reluctantly talked a little, he did agree that he would talk to me, and return the key. It didn't happen today..but I did have a 2nd brief phone call with him.
I just don't know that losing our relationship will count as hitting bottom with me, or prompt him to acknowledge the role his drinking plays.
I'd rather de escalate the situation and get the key back, then if need be, detach completely. Or?? am I strong enough now to actually detach like I should? I can't answer that for sure. I know I have much more insight after the support from here, over the last 2 days.
I'm as skeptical as anyone that he'll recognize his own problems. Maybe by me being as non confrontational as possible, it may plant a seed.
I finally was able to spend at least a few minutes of conversation with abf today, and paved the way by staying civil as I could. But asked directly, if we could please solve the situation without the vindictiveness of his refusing to take my calls. Needless to say, he tried to deny it was based on being vindictive. I left that go, but (with as little whining as possible) tried to explain how deeply his behavior was to me, and it wasn't necessary. While he reluctantly talked a little, he did agree that he would talk to me, and return the key. It didn't happen today..but I did have a 2nd brief phone call with him.
I just don't know that losing our relationship will count as hitting bottom with me, or prompt him to acknowledge the role his drinking plays.
I'd rather de escalate the situation and get the key back, then if need be, detach completely. Or?? am I strong enough now to actually detach like I should? I can't answer that for sure. I know I have much more insight after the support from here, over the last 2 days.
I'm as skeptical as anyone that he'll recognize his own problems. Maybe by me being as non confrontational as possible, it may plant a seed.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
A new lock is not much $ and would save you this game play. I would think he'd have a copy made already.
Think about it.
Best wishes.
They aren't difficult to replace if you know how to follow instructions and use a screwdriver.
Think about it.
Best wishes.
They aren't difficult to replace if you know how to follow instructions and use a screwdriver.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
really.. finances are far worse than I want to admit.
I am not concerned about him stalking or breaking in. The main reason for wanting it returned was that as long as he still had it, then it was "hanging over my head" as far as him refusing to speak to me, after a dispute/breakup. I mainly want to defuse the anger and spitefulness as in "you'll get it back when I am damn good and ready". One of the ways of denying that his drinking was the cause of the original dispute.
I am not concerned about him stalking or breaking in. The main reason for wanting it returned was that as long as he still had it, then it was "hanging over my head" as far as him refusing to speak to me, after a dispute/breakup. I mainly want to defuse the anger and spitefulness as in "you'll get it back when I am damn good and ready". One of the ways of denying that his drinking was the cause of the original dispute.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You don't even have to change out the whole lock mechanism.
There are two kits out now that I know of one is KWIK KEY or something like that and the other's name I don't remember but they are right there by the door locks in any hardware store or Home Depot or Lowe's.
It is very reasonable, gives you two NEW keys and a tool with SIMPLE DIRECTIONS on how to place the tool in first, then the new key, then the tool again and your door lock now only works with the NEW KEY. Works on door locks and dead bolts and you can then 'key' them all to the same key.
I did here at my house about a year ago. Real easy, quick and CHEAP.
Will save you a LOT of grief and hassle.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
There are two kits out now that I know of one is KWIK KEY or something like that and the other's name I don't remember but they are right there by the door locks in any hardware store or Home Depot or Lowe's.
It is very reasonable, gives you two NEW keys and a tool with SIMPLE DIRECTIONS on how to place the tool in first, then the new key, then the tool again and your door lock now only works with the NEW KEY. Works on door locks and dead bolts and you can then 'key' them all to the same key.
I did here at my house about a year ago. Real easy, quick and CHEAP.
Will save you a LOT of grief and hassle.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
If you go to your apartment manager and explain the situation, they can change the lock for you for little or nothing. You can be done with the ex whenever you decide to. Using the key as an excuse is just prolonging things. If you are done, then be done.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Reading your posts it appears that you have hooked up with addicts before, I would spend my time trying to figure out why I keep making bad choices in men.
I certainly wouldn't be wasting my time trying to come up with excuses for staying in
contact with someone who does not want to be with me.
To me, this has nothing to do with a key, it's all about you not wanting to let go.
I certainly wouldn't be wasting my time trying to come up with excuses for staying in
contact with someone who does not want to be with me.
To me, this has nothing to do with a key, it's all about you not wanting to let go.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Searchbug, I think you are letting this consume you. Oh the "famous final scene", and magical words are spoken, and everybody lives happily ever after, only happens on the big screen. The reality of getting involved with an active alcoholic is exactly what you have just experienced. And it is not pleasant at all.
I know you feel cheated, but this is how they roll........... I often wonder if they all read the same "how to be an alcoholic, and screw up people's lives" book ?
I know you feel cheated, but this is how they roll........... I often wonder if they all read the same "how to be an alcoholic, and screw up people's lives" book ?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by marie1960 
I know you feel cheated, but this is how they roll........... I often wonder if they all read the same "how to be an alcoholic, and screw up people's lives" book ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
maybe my keyboard is stuck...
I am FAR BETTER THAN I was a few days ago.
I am NOT LOOKING for contact...I just want a key returned, so I CAN stop any FURTHER contact.
Persons on social security of less than 400 a month, cannot pay $40 which is what my apt charges IF I GET LOCKED OUT of my apt. Nor can I violate my lease, to change the lock.
It is my choice to try and accomplish this with a minimum of drama, since the person lives in the same bldg.
Thank you for assuming that I don't know what I am trying to do. I am fully aware of what is needed.
I am FAR BETTER THAN I was a few days ago.
I am NOT LOOKING for contact...I just want a key returned, so I CAN stop any FURTHER contact.
Persons on social security of less than 400 a month, cannot pay $40 which is what my apt charges IF I GET LOCKED OUT of my apt. Nor can I violate my lease, to change the lock.
It is my choice to try and accomplish this with a minimum of drama, since the person lives in the same bldg.
Thank you for assuming that I don't know what I am trying to do. I am fully aware of what is needed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Searchbug. I was obsessed over the key to my place for many years. At least you know you have many options available to you if you decide to pursue them. I won't bother to repeat them for you.
I chose to change my locks. The $50 it cost me was nothing compared to how much my addict had stolen from me financially and emotionally. Hell, I considered $50 a bargain to get him out of my life and my mind forever.
I chose to change my locks. The $50 it cost me was nothing compared to how much my addict had stolen from me financially and emotionally. Hell, I considered $50 a bargain to get him out of my life and my mind forever.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
How much did your apt manager quote you when you asked how much it would cost to have the lock changed?
Is there a reading group at your local library? A walking club? A poetry-writing group? A series of free concerts in your town? A place you could volunteer to help kids with their homework?
It sucks having a low income, but to be 62 and independent, with a nice little place to live, could be a wonderful thing. Please stop wasting time with losers because you want to feel needed.
Is there a reading group at your local library? A walking club? A poetry-writing group? A series of free concerts in your town? A place you could volunteer to help kids with their homework?
It sucks having a low income, but to be 62 and independent, with a nice little place to live, could be a wonderful thing. Please stop wasting time with losers because you want to feel needed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
there is no crisis. It was an update on a prior post...and wanting to cut a string without drama, without involving others.
And today, the key is back. Now I can move to the next step of detaching.
Thank you to everyone who cared to offer help.
And today, the key is back. Now I can move to the next step of detaching.
Thank you to everyone who cared to offer help.
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