NotSoSmart

I just returned from a mini-"staycation"... it was pass day for my gf yesterday and since my mom refused to leave the house for a couple hours, I decided to take the boy and dog to a hotel for a couple days. It was fun - we swam, watched silly movies and had a great visit with E.

the downside of the hotel is that the room was very small and after a couple days of tripping over kid and dog I was quite ready to go home. We checked out this morning and drove about an hour to home.

I missed a call on my phone, checked voice mail and it was a coworker at the hospital who called asking me to work for her this afternoon. She went to CA and isn't able to drive back in time for her 1:30 shift. I don't work today, and took the next 2 days off as well.

I have no "real" reason not to work for her except I really don't want to. Her VM made it sound like it was a done deal (said "thanks" even though we haven't spoken). I found myself very irritated b/c we'd had a conversation last week that she was working Labor Day and would have to call in early to see if she had to work her shift. When its my turn to work a holiday I don't leave town, even if there's a chance I might not have to go in.

She keeps calling... I've turned my phone off. I feel like a big a-hole though; guilty for a problem I didn't create. Like I should help her.

Then my mother comes in and asks me if I'm driving to get my sister who is staying with her boyfriend in a town an hour away. I said no... my mother says "you can use my car". That's not the point - I am tired from not sleeping well, my neck hurts from sleeping on a weird pillow and I'd like to take a nap. Plus I just came back from that side of town. Why is it when I have a day off, people think that its free license to use me up? I work 10 hour days and need a little "me" time.

So anyway I told my mother no, I am not going to go get my sister b/c she called me at the last minute. Had she called me when I was on that end of town earlier today it would've been different. My mom had "funny eyes" which I think means she's been drinking.. kind of glassy but not enough her speech is slurred. So she can sit around and sip brandy and I've got to do her bidding?

I'm barely home 3 hours and wishing I could afford to check back in to my cramped hotel for more staycation.

And through all of this I had a lightbulb moment where its NO WONDER I'm such an easy mark for addicts. Well, USED to be. I'm sticking to my lazy guns even if I do feel like an A-hole b/c its *not my problem*. Other people's poor planning does not mean its my crisis.

outtolunch

"No" is a complete sentence.

" No because...." opens the door to negotiations.

NotSoSmart

So true Outtolunch... Part of my journey is figuring out that I don't owe anyone the "because" part.

In the end my sister found a ride today. I'm not sure what happened to the coworker but I'm sure I'll hear about it Thurs. In the end though she knew she might have to work the shift and chose to stay in CA. I had plans that day (I had a GREAT and refreshing nap!).

hope213

((((( notsosmart)))))) good for you, u r getting smarter.

LifeRecovery

My very wise therapist told me that when I start changing it might make some other people in my life kind of uncomfortable.

I think that is what I just read in your note.

lightseeker

What a great story! I remember when I first started telling people no and not being a patsy it upset the apple cart for them. After a while it sure got a lot better. The people that "liked me" because I did stuff for them faded away. Now, my relationships are becoming more equal.

So glad that you took care of you!