Herincyprus

I came to this site thinking I could be an inspriration to all and give up the A. Yup . Did 8 days of positive posts and now again have fallen off the ladder twice. The truth is my partner is a gambler, I didnt mention this before. He promised to stop if I promised to soip alcohol, and I did, for 8 glorious days which seemed easy. Last night we had what I would consider to be a very small argument. He left the house, and went to the casino. Switched his phone off and didnt come home till 5, then this morning said it was all over coz I moan. All i wanted was support, but I got nothing. Grrrrr. Not only that he had hidden my car keys so I was late for work.(so I could not follow him, I was not drinking last night) (my company but not the point) So where is this post going, I guess I would like to hear from any others in a similar relationship with two addictive personalities. Can it work? 100% there are no clubs here for gamblers to go to. My partner lost his wife and son 12 years ago in Turkey, to an earth quake, then started the gambling. How can we get through these additions together. I have no idea, and at the same time am trying to run a business.

Herincyprus

one good thing in my life, my dog. he doesnt care about me being drunk, sober, or anything. As long as he gets his walkies and din dins, he loves me, unconditinally. Thats all I want, to be loved, faults and all. Desptie the alcohol, I do actually run a sucessful business, but I would rather run a sucessful life.

stavros212

Relapses happen sometimes - whatever the vice may be.
At least you have each other to make a collaborative effort in getting better.
I like the part about your dog giving you unconditional love, and I wish more people were like this.
It may be that people who don't struggle in the same way don't really understand just how hard it can be.
It would be nice to receive appreciation for our efforts and not criticism for our downfalls.

Herincyprus

ooooof, going out now. mad i know. cant take the pressure. sorry everyone. let you all down, let myself down AGAIN. not looking for sympathy, just love. here we go again. What the hell is wrong with me. I am a sodding business woman. With this demon problem that will not go away.

suki44883

Your sobriety has to be the number one thing in your life. Your partner is going to do whatever he's going to do, no matter what you say or do. It's possible for two addictive personalities to make it together, but only if they are both in recovery and each one puts their recovery first. To do otherwise, would almost always spell disaster.

Herincyprus

Thanks and yes, I agree. Dont want gold stars painted all over the kitchen every morning, just a WELL DONE BABES would do. I dont want the relationship to end, but if I am going to get better, I may need it to, but that is scary. I dont wasnt to be by myself, in a foreign country. I dont want to do the singles thing again, at 43. I just want to come home and see a smiling face, and also of course a woof woof. LOL I have no kids to count on me,, just a puppy. And parents and family a million miles away in the UK.

Anna

Don't worry about hearing a 'Well done babes'. Just do it for yourself. Love yourself and let that be enough. Allow your partner to find his way on his recovery.

You can recover without family support and many of us do. And, remember that you can always come here to SR and post. We do understand.

SASA

here it comes :'Well done babes'. Now I hope you read this every morning and start your journey.You can do it.

stavros212

I know how it is to be far away from the ones you love. My family is miles away and I only get to see them once or twice a year if I'm lucky.
Thank god for my 3 yr old. If I didn't have him I don't know where I'd be today. Probably working on another DUI or some other form of alcohol-related troubles.
As hard as it is for me to admit sometimes, I do know that I must work on myself before I can be in another relationship, and I want to be better for my son and the rest of my family.
Of course change has to come from within, but when you don't see positive reactions to your own positive behavior, it can be quite discouraging sometimes.
I guess it's hard to not depend on others for approval, but that's another difficult cycle to break.

Biza

Dont tie your happiness to his. I know that is easier said than done but my DH has huge depression issues and can be very difficult. I had to learn not to seek emotional support from him when he is sick. Yes, this contributed to my alcohol issues because I made the choice to deal with the feelings in an unhealthy manner.

Also dont tie your sobriety to his ability to abstain from gambling. Thats a rough bargain because both of you are taking on two recoveries instead of just one.

Right now your partner is sick as well. He has his own issues going on. The marriage, or partnership may very well work out, just look to friends or SR for emotional support right now.

Dont let his behavior allow you to derail your recovery. Once you are healthy then if you choose you can help him too and be there to support him through his recovery. But he will have to want it.

I know it is rough, this is just my personal opinion, you can take it or leave it.

Best of luck to you in you recovery. You can do this!!

Dee74

some great advice here herincyprus.

I really agree that you have to focus on yourself - walk your own journey and let your partner walk his...

Support at home would be great but the fact is a lot here don't have that - thats why SR is so great a resource - you'll always find support here.

You can do this - if you focus on you.

You can run a successful life as well

D

least

When I got serious about recovering it was because I wanted it for myself and not for anyone else. I had to do it for myself. I can't hinge my recovery on anyone else, it has to be my own effort for myself.

It is very rewarding to finally have success. I used to think I was hopeless but now am coming up on 21 months sober!! If I can do it, so can you.

CaiHong

Hi Herincyprus,

It may take a while until you "get it". Keep trying and keep coming back.

All the best
CaiHong

Herincyprus

Good morning everyone, and thank you for your messages. Yes, I guess it's true, Ihave to do this for myself. Haven't got much to say this morning, unlike me! Will report back tonight, Have a good day/night everyone.