whereisthisgoin

Good morning, everyone - thought I'd write an update. My STBXAH has been moved out since mid-July. He is seeing our son 2x a week, but not overnight. That has been working out as well as can be expected.

We're going through the paper work slowly. It is a bear. However, we are trying to file un-contested - so it takes time to figure out. He admitted to dragging it out because signing those papers will make it all so final.

I have clarity that there will no reconciliation. He hasn't gotten there yet. He emails or calls when life is throwing him curve balls - plane is delayed, car won't start, Aunt So and So called. I learned from you all, I don't respond.

Just got a new round of emails this am and it's early, I'm sipping coffee and would enjoy talking to him. But I can't and I won't. We met for lunch a week ago to go over papers and it didn't leave me with a good feeling. Sitting there with my best friend of 20 years, working out the divorce - WHILE HE DRINKS BEERS... gah. I left there feeling awfully conflicted.

He wants to meet again to go over stuff and I told him I had to think about it. I did say that I'm not going if he's going to drink. If I never see him with a beer in his hand it will be too soon.

So thanks, SR - the stories keep me strong. Getting to post here instead of writing him makes me stronger. I miss him but I don't miss the hell he put us through. He has said "i'll never quit drinking." I have to believe him and move on.

How is your Sunday Labor Day wekend looking?

Freedom1990

Writing here does help indeed. It's sad when they chose to continue the drinking, but it is their choice.

We had a glorious cold front come through, and it's 64 here right now, a huge change from the usual 90's by this time of morning.

I decided that I am taking my youngest daughter and myself out for steak dinner in Wichita this evening!

MTSlideAddict

Writing here has helped me a lot too. It helps me sort out those confused thoughts. You are doing the right thing.

I work all weekend, and Labor Day as well. Today, it is too early to my liking to be up, and I am at work scheduled for a twelve hour shift. It is not a bad thing to work though. I like working weekends, because my job pays an extra differential for weekend hours. Time and a half is paid for the holiday. My fun plans will have to wait until Tuesday, my next day off.

Share some of that cold front! LOL! We sure could use it in Texas. It has been a HOT summer so far.

Freedom1990

You have been hit hard in Texas! We surpassed the old dust bowl record of triple digit days, and are still considered a drought area unfortunately. We had a little rain overnight but it's so dry the ground was barely damp this morning.

veryregretful

Thank you for posting this. Im getting those texts and I dont want to reply to him. I come here and read. It helps me not reply back. Right now he is texting me about throwing me in jail.

My stbxah does not want to stop drinking. It is hard to accept he chose that over his family but i cant do anything about it. Its his life. My life, I want to live happily. And I cannot do that with him.

My plans this weekend is to clean my house which I have neglected because I was depressed. That my dogs for a 2 hour walk in the woods. To clean up the yard cuz it looks like crap with all his junk there. Maybe go out with my friend tonight. This is me time. I've needed that for a long time.

fourmaggie

blogging helps too, i remember in the beginning for me i would write alot!

Thlayli

I haven't posted here that much but I have been helped tons by reading all the posts here. I feel like I have experienced enormous growth in the past month (finding this site and starting Al-anon).

My AH just started his relapse about 6 weeks ago. He's been binging about 2x a week and gambling. The first binge was huge and he no-call/no-showed for his job and almost lost it. He at that time also decided that he wanted to never see his son again - my step-son who we have 60% of the time. He's off work for 2 months (10-month position) and left his first day off to "visit his parents." His sister tells me that they haven't seen him yet. He's staying with an old friend from high school who is schizophrenic and alcoholic.

Regardless...I'm having a great long weekend. Went out to dinner with friends on Friday. Lunch and a pedicure with friends yesterday then I went to pick up my stepson and his half-brother (they share the same mother). The kids are staying with me for a couple of nights. Today we're going to watch football/play with my friends and their kids. Tomorrow I drop the kids off and head out to a Renaissance Fair.

I never thought I could have so much fun knowing that AH is sitting around drinking and using...and possibly never coming home. I'm sad for him but am so relaxed and so enjoying my time Reading here and listening at RL meetings has absolutely saved my sanity. He'd only had day-long relapses before (about 5 times in the 4 years we've been together). I'd drive myself crazy driving to bars trying to find him, texting him, crying, missing work the next day because I was so upset and then apologizing to him for all of it :crazy

veryregretful

I have done the same thing. Went out looking for him. Stayed up worrying about if he was going to get in an accident. Get upset when he wouldn't call me back. Also, missing work cuz I was upset and anxiety ridden.

No more. I am enjoying my time this weekend without him here. Even if it is cleaning. My kitchen looks great now. Lol. It's so peaceful. I can't wait for when he is served his papers. Even my kids seem more relaxed!

Alone22

In a strange way I guess I would be very thankful that your STBXAH is being honest with you about not stopping. It has given you the ability to understand and make good decisions for you. I would take that over an A who lies, sneaks and tries to manipulate any day.

I also don't mean to underscore what you are going through. How can anyone chose alcohol over love? I guess it really shows how sick the addicts are. It is just not logical. What we need to remember is it has nothing to do with us or how much or how little they love us. It has everything to do with how pickled their brains are. Very sad. Be proud that you have had the strength to put yourself and your child first. Better things are coming your way!

veryregretful

Don't get me wrong. He is still lying. Sneaking and manipulating but I know I can't fall back to the way I was before. Just the other day he said he wasn't going to drink whiskey anymore but when i was putting recycling in bin there was the good old.whiskey bottle. Whatever. Now he is.home.from.camping. hope.he just goes.downstairs.

caughthiminject

My AXBF said he would never stop drinking as well. He defines being a man as someone who drinks beer. I am quite certain that no one's penis has fallen off from lack of beer, so this answer doesn't make sense to me. A year ago he told me he would stop drinking while he was driving the car (it's illegal) but a week later he was back to having a beer while driving. How bad is it when you can't even wait to get to your destination to drink? Or can't pop out to pick up a few movies without taking a beer in the car? I will never understand I guess.

marie1960

Caughthiminject, The XA in my life also had no intent, or desire to quit drinking. I cannot fathom not having a sober thought for years on end. The excessive ranting was a dead give away that he had consumed more than two drinks on any given day. His ability to connect days and events was mush, it was as if he was losing the timeline of his own life. Nothing made sense. He could not finish a task, it was as if his brain was shrinking and he no longer could group up enough cells to do anything other than drink.

Lost interest in his hobbies, and everything else that he once enjoyed doing.

Still ask myself everday, why someone would choose to have alcohol control their world? Why won't they get help before it is too late? It's so horrible to know that they are going to die, and I just get to detach with love............. I'm not sure how I feel about that statement.......... still working on that.....