Symmetry

My friend asked me yesterday if I was still not drinking.

I felt annoyed and embarrassed that I had to answer that. And when people ask if they can buy me a drink I just say no thanks and then I get the weirdest looks which then makes me feel like I have to explain myself.

Just venting thanks!

ACT10Npack

They most likely don't see use every time we drink. I was like that to before I had a drinking problem. They just don't understand that it does not go away.

Biza

I've been getting a lot of that too. People seriously telling me I need to stop not drinking and take some shots with them. Or have a beer or whatever.

They laugh and just say that I need to drink. Some have even said I am less fun when i am not drinking.

I really dont know what to say to them. I am not trying to be less fun. I am trying to be healthier and make some better choices. When I drink I make some pretty bad choices which always leave me with huge regret. How on earth is that being less fun? Its certainly more fun not to have to wake up in the morning and think back through what happened, make your list of things you have to a.) hope no one else noticed, b.) hope no one else addresses c.) have to eventually face. Yeah, thats no fun at all.........

SomethingBetter

I had a friend ask me the same thing around the 6 month mark; it was a simple out of the blue remark “Still not had anything to drink?” I made a simple reply “Nope”. He simply nodded his head with approval.

But he has known about the other countless attempts before this, he has drank right there with me after relapses, he knows that this is a big deal for me and in fact has changed his drinking habits because of it, he has not quit but drinks less and is a real friend.

If this same question would have been asked in front of a lot of people (especially ‘regular’ drinkers) it would be different, it would definitely hit some feelings, and I guess that day will come.

I often wonder if regular drinkers could go a year without booze, the ones that are stuck in the middle of controlling it and hell the ones who have several drinks a week but do not have a ‘problem’ with alcohol, that could be an interesting topic, I bet it would be hard for any regular drinker that just loves alcohol to do. I don’t think we are that much different than regular people when we’re not drinking.

MycoolFitz

People just don't get the dis-ease if they don't got the dis-ease. Like telling a diabetic one cookie won't hurt you. As long as we understand and respect our dis-ease we remain innoculated. This is all that really matters ultimately. Vent away my friend. vents keep us from blowing.

Jil

After 6 months my real, close friends don't ask me any more. However, if I run into someone I don't see often, but still consider my friend, they generally ask if I'm not drinking. I have no problem answering- now I am proud to tell them no. I suppose I still get that 'what! Your 21 and not drinking?' but I like the response. It makes me proud of my accomplishment.

Can I ask how long you've been in recovery?

Jil

After 6 months my real, close friends don't ask me any more. However, if I run into someone I don't see often, but still consider my friend, they generally ask if I'm not drinking. I have no problem answering- now I am proud to tell them no. I suppose I still get that 'what! Your 21 and not drinking?' but I like the response. It makes me proud of my accomplishment.

Can I ask how long you've been in recovery?

Sugah

Normal drinkers don't get it. For them, we've opted to stop having a good time. Unless they've been at the receiving end of our worst alcoholic behavior, they can't understand why we don't just buck up and drink like they do. Or, if they're problem drinkers themselves, it may be that our quitting shines a light on them -- that if we think we have a problem, maybe they do, too.

Don't sweat it. You're the only who needs to take your sobriety seriously.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

725bygrace

Well said !

My friends and family think I'm in denial and I've flipped out. I wish they could see that I'm becoming stronger every day in so many ways.

But you know what? It really doesn't matter. Its not about them!!

Symmetry

45 days

Supercrew

I don't take sobriety seriously, I take sobriety happily, and that's all that matters.

Symmetry

Ya know. I remember now. That's how I felt about people who wouldn't drink but had the nerve to still hang out with us drinkers. That's why I don't want to tell people. Only I need to know otherwise it's like casting pearls to swine. Normal people also "just don't feel like drinking". I think I'm just gonna say that from now on. At least to those I'm not super close to.

Boleo

Great comeback line Symmetry. It puts the ball in the other person's court.

hector

"Or, if they're problem drinkers themselves, it may be that our quitting shines a light on them -- that if we think we have a problem, maybe they do, too."

"It really doesn't matter. Its not about them!!"

Congratulations on your 45 days. It's already a great accomplishment. You're already a walking miracle.

What a great thread! The lines above bear repeating. You are the only one that can get you drunk or keep you sober. Keep up the good work.

eJoshua

Great thread, Good insight Sugah.

bellakeller

It took me almost a whole year to take my own sobriety seriously, how could I expect anyone else to even come close? It really doesn't matter if others take seriously our sobriety. If I paid any attention to others' thoughts about my sobriety I'd be in big trouble. I can't expect anyone to understand this disease when I don't even understand it fully.

sobervic

I get the same comments from friends. It's funny how abstaining from a drug with so many negative side effects and risks actually makes you an outcast in society.

I think we let these situations bother us more than they should, as well. When I feel confident about sobriety, I laugh at the remarks and actually feel superior for not being in their place.

stugotz

What other people think of me is none of my business.

FT

I quit drinking over 20 years ago.

I don't even think of not drinking as "sobriety" that needs any defending. Not any more. After awhile, not drinking is just a lifestyle and not activism. I just don't drink. I get offered drinks all the time, and nobody pays any attention to the fact that I am not drinking alcohol. I don't think I've ever been anywhere that I am the only nondrinker.

Given my choice of lifestyle, I don't care to hang out in places where alcohol is served anyway. Having said that, in my profession, everyone wants to celebrate the events that I participate in. Sparkling cider is usually available for "the kids", so that's what I have when a toast is shared.

Just my experience.

stugotz

Oh one more thing, people dont have to take sobriety seriously. I have to....