stavros212

Sometimes I just think that the world is not even a reality.
Life is a fragile thing, but I don't take it seriously.
There are people out there whose lives depend on their next meal - if they don't get a few crumbs they might actually starve to death...
And here I am bitching about drinking too much. I have the money to waste on alcohol and I bitch about it and there are people that don't have money for bread. It's f'in ridiculous.
So I'm not gonna bitch anymore. I am happy that I have the extra money to waste on alcohol if such is my choice. Not that I ever approve but at least I'm not struggling.
I don't know....I guess attempted recovery just makes you think about things differently.
I have a job, I have a kid, I'm somewhat financially secure, but it's still not enough. Why? I'm not starving to death. I have a roof over my head. But somehow it's not enough.

Anna

Hmm, maybe you're missing having a purpose in life, a meaningful life, feeling peaceful where you are. Those are things that were missing in my life before I began recovery.

MycoolFitz

There was a wise man who would agree and said "We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all." A wise woman said “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” This person wasn't Anna though she also just said it and is also wise. I think not drinking on purpose is one thing, not drinking with a purpose is another. Sometimes we find ourselves starving, not from lack of food but from lack of meaning, for me I think that's what recovery is about.

Dee74

I was never happy as an adult...now I am
Not drinking was part of it - but only a part....

I needed to get to know and love myself...be comfortable with who I am...fidn a meaning and a purpose beyond getting out of bed in the morning.

Recovery helped me find all those things

Life is a fragile thing no matter who you are - I used to waste it, now I treasure it.

D

eJoshua

Well they say that alcoholism strikes every social class... but still I do get your point.

Everybody has their own cross to bear, but it is too bad that we have the luxury of sending ourselves to an early grave.

Hopefully you can use this as motivation for sobriety though. If you're sober you are able to reach out and help those who are less fortunate.

Plus, in the end, outward things never bring happiness. There are people starving in the world who are full of joy and people living in mansions that are miserable. True joy, happiness and fulfillment doesn't come from the external.

JimE

I read up on philosophy years ago. One of those old guys, Socrates or Plato was asked what is reality and he said it's whatever you're feeling at the moment. I like the saying, "happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have."

I can relate to what you say though. Drinking and using was my lifestyle for many years and one thing about doing that was I always needed more and more, chasing that buzz to make me feel good or at least different. It sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for. I try to make a point every morning to count those things, some days are better than others.