lillamy

With three kids starting school, I've barely had time to stick my head in here lately. Things are good, though, and I'm relishing the normalcy of my life: Spending every evening at the kitchen table helping three kids with their homework instead of rushing around trying to intercept scuds from an A trying to pick a fight is really growing on me (even though I cuss a bit about not having paid enough attention in geometry class back in the stone age... ).

We've also started exercising together, as a family. It's always been an important part of my life, but it was "me-time" -- now it's "family time" and that makes it a whole different animal but just as fun. I find that I don't have the same need for solitude and time to empty my brain of thoughts and stress that I did when I was married to an A. Despite the fact that he's still actively drinking and still doing whatever he can to throw my groove off, the level of stress has decreased by an order of magnitude.

I took the kids to see "Kung Fu Panda 2" recently (I don't remember the last time I saw a movie that actually had live humans and not animated characters in it!) and something stuck with me (work with me here, people: You have to get it where you can!): The kung fu master shows the Panda some skill that looks impossible, and when the panda asks him how he does it, kung fu master responds, "Inner Peace."

In recovery circles, we call it Serenity, I believe.

And that's where I'm at. I have an inner peace that makes it possible for me to face life without the sense that everything is a federal emergency. It'll work itself out. And that's a place where, if you had told me about it a year ago, when I was in the thick of separation/divorce and A(X)H was breaking NC and had me in a constant state of panic, I would not have believed existed.

But here I am. It's a good day. And thanks for holding my hand walking through these past few years. Smooches to you all.

m1k3

Wow, great post. Thank you for sharing that. The Kung Fu Panda part really stuck out for me because very early in my recovery, in kung fu panda 1, the kung fu master was getting a lesson from his master who told him you will never have inner peace until you give up the illusion of control.
Bam! A light went off in my head and steps 1, 2 and 3 all of a sudden became crystal clear.

Congrats on your serenity and long may it last. BTW, try Geometry for Dummies. You can probably get it at the library and amaze your kids with your mathematical skillz.

Your serene friend,